My journal-Making it about me now - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
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post #136 of 207 (permalink) Old 12-03-2015, 03:01 PM
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

TooNice, I'm so sorry to hear of your medical issue. I will certainly be sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Try and keep your head up and stay positive, just like anything the mind works wonders if you can find the positive in every day even if it is minimal. Keep us all posted...BIG BIG hugs to you!!!

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post #137 of 207 (permalink) Old 12-03-2015, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

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TooNice, I'm so sorry to hear of your medical issue. I will certainly be sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. Try and keep your head up and stay positive, just like anything the mind works wonders if you can find the positive in every day even if it is minimal. Keep us all posted...BIG BIG hugs to you!!!
Thank you! I am feeling the hugs and positive energy from all of you, and it means a great deal.
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post #138 of 207 (permalink) Old 12-08-2015, 07:19 AM
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

Bumping you up TooNice.
How's it going?

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #139 of 207 (permalink) Old 12-08-2015, 11:00 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

You're sweet, Pluto, thanks. I'm better. I have to see a specialist to figure out what our game plan will be, and I already had an appointment scheduled with her for February. She moved that up as much as she could, but I still won't see her until mid January. I am using the time to focus my energy on aspects of my health that I can control: drinking less, sleeping more, focusing my fitness routine, and continuing to train for a half marathon I am doing in January. I am researching also, doing all I can to be a good self-advocate in this. I'm a bit of a medical anomaly (oh, joy...), so hopefully we will find an answer together.

Not much else I can do until I see the doc, so I am making a choice to be positive and not obsess over it.
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post #140 of 207 (permalink) Old 12-08-2015, 11:21 AM
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

Excellent pro-active strategy.

And at such a tough time of year to drink less, sleep more, and get in exercise. We should all follow your example. No running for me (old injury, blah blah blah), but a few more Pilates classes sure couldn't hurt.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #141 of 207 (permalink) Old 12-08-2015, 01:09 PM
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

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Excellent pro-active strategy.

I wouldn't expect anything less from Too Nice.

And at such a tough time of year to drink less, sleep more, and get in exercise. We should all follow your example. No running for me (old injury, blah blah blah), but a few more Pilates classes sure couldn't hurt.
I don't drink less, I drink more... good old bottled water and sometimes, prune juice.

I can't run anymore, my knees have surrendered. Waived the white flag. It's swimming and Cybex machines for me now.

Sleep.... I could write pages about sleep. The medication I take really knocks me out at night. Here is a typical morning interaction with my wife:

Me snoring like a baby.

Wife approaches me lovingly. Rubs her fingers though my hair. Comes close to my face and says "Honey"...

GET UP YOU NIMROD. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? RIP VAN WINKLE!?




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post #142 of 207 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 01:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

Time on vacation is making me think it's time for a post here. The holidays were good this year. Still not great, but much better than last year. My adult son and I went out of state to spend time with dear friends. He went back to spend Christmas with his dad,but I stayed with our friends. It was still hard to know that my ex's family was celebrating without me... And with the OW... But I did ok. When I got back home, I had some great time with my son before he headed back to college.

I'm back on vacation already, again with my dear friends. I had a great talk with my bestie last night and am ready to make some changes.

Since I became single, I have felt I wanted to be an active dater. I've learned a lot about myself via my online dating experiences, but I've realized a few things lately...and some of them are pretty raw for me to admit:
-Society has a tendency to make newly single women feel like we should embrace the freedom of being single. What this is defined as is open for interpretation, but the overall feeling I have gotten is not one of independence, but of sexual freedom. I think it's great if women embrace this, but only if it is because they want to. Not because everyone around them is encouraging them to.
-Online dating has supporting the above statement. Most of my in-person experiences were merely seeing if there was a spark that would lead to more. Quickly.
-Online dating can be a bit addicting. The addictive property of it encourages the mindset that there is always something better out there, and results in a lack of focus on who you are with at the moment.

None of this is healthy for me where I am in life now.

Today, I have deleted (not deactivated) the dating sites/apps I had been using. I am no longer going to wonder when I am out whether a man who smiles at me is single. I wish to live in blissful single oblivion for a time. I hope this reset will help me to discover more about who I am. If the universe decides I am ready for someone, I will be ready, but karma will have to make it obvious for me.

I do have a couple of men I still talk to, and will engage in conversation and even dates, if they should ask. But I am backing off from being an active searcher in that aspect of my life.

We'll see how this goes, but I feel much better about where I am headed.
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post #143 of 207 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 02:15 PM
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

TooNice, I applaud your approach. I find myself often torn between finding that space in the world where I feel comfortable, and believing I should step out on the ledge of life a bit more.

My kids tell me to get out there more. MEH. I'm finding that a certain level of comfort can be the space where we can rejuvenate. Its almost like I didn't realize how uncomfortable I had been for so long.

(and exactly how much vacation do you get? Mine has gone by the wayside)

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #144 of 207 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 02:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

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TooNice, I applaud your approach. I find myself often torn between finding that space in the world where I feel comfortable, and believing I should step out on the ledge of life a bit more.

My kids tell me to get out there more. MEH. I'm finding that a certain level of comfort can be the space where we can rejuvenate. Its almost like I didn't realize how uncomfortable I had been for so long.

(and exactly how much vacation do you get? Mine has gone by the wayside)
Thanks, Pluto. The part where you said you didn't realize how uncomfortable you had been... that really speaks to me, on several planes.

I guess I felt like I had to find someone, especially since my ex got to bring his relationship into the open. It's silly that we do that. But now I know I WANT to find someone, which is different. I feel like it's a precarious balance to try to find. I just need to figure out how to walk the path of being single, rather than running the track-lol!

I get several weeks of vacation, but managed to take my time over Christmas by only using a few vacation days. This time, I'm here to run a half marathon with my friends. Airfare was cheaper if I used a few extra days.
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post #145 of 207 (permalink) Old 01-15-2016, 08:05 PM
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

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Thanks, Pluto. The part where you said you didn't realize how uncomfortable you had been... that really speaks to me, on several planes.

I guess I felt like I had to find someone, especially since my ex got to bring his relationship into the open. It's silly that we do that. But now I know I WANT to find someone, which is different. I feel like it's a precarious balance to try to find. I just need to figure out how to walk the path of being single, rather than running the track-lol!

I get several weeks of vacation, but managed to take my time over Christmas by only using a few vacation days. This time, I'm here to run a half marathon with my friends. Airfare was cheaper if I used a few extra days.
Too Nice... Pluto .... Both of you are remarkable women.

That is all...
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post #146 of 207 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 09:24 AM
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

What he said ^^^^
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post #147 of 207 (permalink) Old 01-16-2016, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

Thanks for the sweet words.
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post #148 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-20-2016, 06:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

Happy anniversary to me.

That's appropriate, right?

I have officially been divorced for one year. That seems so surreal to me. So much has happened
in these last 12... no, 18 months (since we parted ways).

I feel like I am such a different person now - so much more at peace and comfortable with my life. Not living on edge all the time that I said the "wrong" thing, or being overwhelmed by the responsibility of our home and family. I don't miss him. I don't miss the way he treated me. I don't miss the person I was with him. I never knew how dark it was until I got into my own light.

I have a dinner date picking me up in about 10 minutes. I've been seeing him for about six weeks now. We have many reasons why we know we cannot be a long term relationship, but I like him. He's honest and sweet and I like being with him. We haven't seen each other for a week, so I am looking forward to a nice evening of catching up. It's a nice way to spend this night.

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post #149 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-20-2016, 08:20 PM
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

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Happy anniversary to me.

That's appropriate, right?

I have officially been divorced for one year. That seems so surreal to me. So much has happened
in these last 12... no, 18 months (since we parted ways).

I feel like I am such a different person now - so much more at peace and comfortable with my life. Not living on edge all the time that I said the "wrong" thing, or being overwhelmed by the responsibility of our home and family. I don't miss him. I don't miss the way he treated me. I don't miss the person I was with him. I never knew how dark it was until I got into my own light.

I have a dinner date picking me up in about 10 minutes. I've been seeing him for about six weeks now. We have many reasons why we know we cannot be a long term relationship, but I like him. He's honest and sweet and I like being with him. We haven't seen each other for a week, so I am looking forward to a nice evening of catching up. It's a nice way to spend this night.

I'd bet a case of Spotted Cow that there's a whole bunch of guys wanting to take Too Nice out to dinner
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post #150 of 207 (permalink) Old 02-21-2016, 01:22 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My journal-Making it about me now

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I'd bet a case of Spotted Cow that there's a whole bunch of guys wanting to take Too Nice out to dinner
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I wish I could say you are right, Absurdist. Trying to patiently let the universe sort that out for me.
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