Time on vacation is making me think it's time for a post here. The holidays were good this year. Still not great, but much better than last year. My adult son and I went out of state to spend time with dear friends. He went back to spend Christmas with his dad,but I stayed with our friends. It was still hard to know that my ex's family was celebrating without me... And with the OW... But I did ok. When I got back home, I had some great time with my son before he headed back to college.
I'm back on vacation already, again with my dear friends. I had a great talk with my bestie last night and am ready to make some changes.
Since I became single, I have felt I wanted to be an active dater. I've learned a lot about myself via my online dating experiences, but I've realized a few things lately...and some of them are pretty raw for me to admit:
-Society has a tendency to make newly single women feel like we should embrace the freedom of being single. What this is defined as is open for interpretation, but the overall feeling I have gotten is not one of independence, but of sexual freedom. I think it's great if women embrace this, but only if it is because they want to. Not because everyone around them is encouraging them to.
-Online dating has supporting the above statement. Most of my in-person experiences were merely seeing if there was a spark that would lead to more. Quickly.
-Online dating can be a bit addicting. The addictive property of it encourages the mindset that there is always something better out there, and results in a lack of focus on who you are with at the moment.
None of this is healthy for me where I am in life now.
Today, I have deleted (not deactivated) the dating sites/apps I had been using. I am no longer going to wonder when I am out whether a man who smiles at me is single. I wish to live in blissful single oblivion for a time. I hope this reset will help me to discover more about who I am. If the universe decides I am ready for someone, I will be ready, but karma will have to make it obvious for me.
I do have a couple of men I still talk to, and will engage in conversation and even dates, if they should ask. But I am backing off from being an active searcher in that aspect of my life.
We'll see how this goes, but I feel much better about where I am headed.