Re: My journal-Making it about me now
I haven't been in here much lately, and apologize for not supporting a few people here I had been communicating with before who have been struggling. I just needed a break.
Things are unchanged, but H and I continue to talk. We are talking about things we should have talked about 10 years ago, but at least we are talking. It's still not going to fix our broken marriage, but it will help me feel better about walking away when the time comes.
I had IC today, too. I really like my counselor. She wants me to focus on what I feel like when I am alone...where my thoughts go, what is comfortable for me, and what is not. I've never lived alone before, and I am terrified of it. She wants me to use this time (when I'm not actually living alone yet) to help me be comfortable with myself and get prepared so I am ok when it does happen.
I am still grieving. I still have bouts of anger and just overwhelming sadness. I also have moments when I think this is the right things for us to do, and that one day, I will be happier. I will be with someone who is excited to see me every day, who not only lets me do little nice things, but is grateful for them, who helps around the house, who cooks with me and goes for walks, and tells me I'm beautiful. Things I deserve to have.
I hope others here are doing well, or as well as you can be. Hugs.