Re: My journal-Making it about me now
It's getting easier. I think.
We have been backing off from pressing our son to talk to us, but I felt the need to mention tonight that we need to consider what furniture and things we will need for my apartment-specifically what we need for him. That led to a discussion about us leaving our current place, which I don't think he had really thought through. I feel badly about that, but at the same time, I think it was good to bring it up.
Our place is nice enough, but I am actually looking forward to moving. A nice place, chosen by me (and my son, if he wants to help), decorated by me, and settled by me. I feel like I am ready for that. I'm more sorry than I can say that my son is losing the only place he has known as home, but it's not reasonable to stay. We rent, and can easily find two smaller places. Besides, it needs a lot of work that the landlord won't do. He never has.
My friends have been amazing, and I know that this will be fine.
I am making an effort to not feel guilty, which is funny given the circumstances that got us here. My husband plans to rent a very small place for 6-12 months to save money. He does not have the support network I do, and he commented the other night that his own family seems more concerned for me than for him. I feel sadness for him, but at the same time, I feel protective of myself and fortunate for what I have. As far as I know, he hasn't done anything to deserve ill will, and I have stopped the few friends who tried to call him names. But I want him to be happy, and I just don't know how he is going to get there. It makes me sad.
I suppose I feel guilty for feeling like I may be ready to move forward. While I was shocked when he told me all those months ago that there is nothing left to work on, I guess I recognize that our marriage has been over for years. If he is completely unwilling to try, than I don't want to drag it out.
Is that wrong?