Re: My journal-Making it about me now
So, Wednesday night (two days before our scheduled moves), I received a FB message from someone I don't know. She informed me that my STBX was seeing someone and provided a few details to me. I thanked her and continued my packing with a new vigor. I posted a thread on here and got some great insight. Ultimately, I confronted him after we had gone to bed. The details were too good. He couldn't deny it.
I knew it. If nothing else, my gut was right. I just did not have a way to prove it. He also confessed when I asked if there had been anyone else, that there had been one other--before the one I knew about. As angry and as hurt as I am, at least I know our marriage has been doomed since then. If he wasn't honest enough to come clean when the affair I knew about came out, we never stood a chance.
I didn't really ask for much help moving...I was too overwhelmed. My friends rallied, though. They are beautiful. Between two of my friends (and the sons and hubby of one), my STBX and his brother, we quickly moved most everything to my new apartment. All of the guys left, and more women showed up. Boxes were emptied. Flowers appeared in every single room. As it started to get lateish, we all left at the same time- one took me shopping, and everyone else headed home. We came back and made my bed before she left me alone for my first night in my own place.
Yesterday, I woke up and cleaned my bathroom and worked on unpacking. A friend's husband showed up to handle my to-do list. I went to my old apt to finish sorting a few things with stbx. Told him how crappy it is that while I can barely even breathe, his girlfriend must be so happy to have this finally happening. We talked. He made excuses. I rejected them. I think I made him feel bad, but was probably still too nice.
When I got home, a girlfriend picked me up to meet more friends for dinner and football. I almost felt normal and ok for a bit.
Today, another one spent all day shopping with me for stuff I need. I'm so grateful to have not done that alone. Another one had me swing by so she could feed me. I hadn't yet shared the new info with her, and cried in her backyard for two hours.
I'm home now, having quiet time on my new balcony in the dusk. I will go inside soon and put away my new things.
I will fight the urge to ask why this happened. I will fight the urge to wonder why I wasn't enough. I will remember that this stemmed from his issues and not mine. I will thank God or whatever higher power is out there that I am blessed beyond words to be surrounded by the women (and men) in my life that have taken such exquisite care of me in the past days and weeks. Words cannot do justice to the love and support I have felt during one of the two lowest times of my entire life.
I feel really, really awful. Humiliated, used, and completely foolish.
Yet so very, very blessed that I will be okay. While I know many dark days still lie ahead, with this much love in my life, I see no other outcome.
Last edited by TooNice; 09-01-2014 at 09:08 AM.