Is this really cheating?
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Post Is this really cheating?

Hi everyone,
My husband and I have been separated for the last 7 months due to his affair. I was 8 months pregnant while it started. I left him and took our then 16 month old daughter to stay with Family after he had told me he no longer wants to be with me! Well, I had our son with out him and have been raising them for the last 7 month on my own. Now that I had my strenght back, I moved back into the house and he moved out. The girl he was with is now 12 weeks pregnant but he no longer wants to be with her since he now knows that I am the one he wants to be with well, I am done with him.I don't want to be enemies or fight all the time, so I put the past behind me and I am trying to be a better person for our kids sake and mine. I met a guy who knows about my situation, its nothing serious but he asked me out and I said yes. It's been months since I have felt soo good and so comfortable and now that my husband found out he is telling me that I am cheating on him! That I am no better then him! He completely forgot about all the lies and hurtful things that he has done to me over the last few months. He moved her in when I moved out and took her on a date on our anniversary! He completely forgot about us! Now is it really wrong what I am doing? I am not trying to hurt him or have my payback, I just wanted to be happy for one day and I really had such a great time..drama free you know? So, please tell me if I am cheating and what I have to do that wont make it seem like I am. Now he is also telling me that he is jealous and that he loves me with all of his heart, but he doesn't seem to get that I no longer want to be with him. I just want to move on!
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this really cheating?

No its not cheating. You've been seperated for awhile and in my opinion, the minute he got another woman pregnant was probably the time he lost the right to have any say in what you do....
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Old 10-19-2010, 03:51 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this really cheating?

Moving on seems like a good idea.

Does his opinion or what he has to say still have an impact on you? File for divorce, then there isn't much to question.
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Old 10-19-2010, 03:56 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this really cheating?

i dont know where you live or what not, but, in my state, as long as you are still legally married, what you both did is commit adultery that can be held up in court by BOTH sides. 2 wrongs do NOT make it right. Even if you feel what you did was "just felt good" or " was comfortable" no matter, you both cheated and need to get some counseling. Until you are divorced and you keep this kind of thing up, one of you will go after the other legally. I am not trying to be harsh, but, it is true. get a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings now to end this. it will be best for both of you.
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Old 10-19-2010, 04:42 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this really cheating?

No, it isn't cheating (form a Biblical standpoint). However, check your state laws. If your state still has adultery laws on the book, you wouldn't get a favorable ruling in divorce court. Here in my state what you are doing would be fine--no penalties.
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Old 10-19-2010, 10:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this really cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by misspuppy View Post
i dont know where you live or what not, but, in my state, as long as you are still legally married, what you both did is commit adultery that can be held up in court by BOTH sides. 2 wrongs do NOT make it right. Even if you feel what you did was "just felt good" or " was comfortable" no matter, you both cheated and need to get some counseling. Until you are divorced and you keep this kind of thing up, one of you will go after the other legally. I am not trying to be harsh, but, it is true. get a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings now to end this. it will be best for both of you.

I know that 2 wrongs do not make it right, but we have been to counseling a few times and I thought he would finally tell the truth and it seemed like it was helping us, till I found out it was a lie what he had told me in the sessions! I have been trying for all these months and we will be getting divorced now. We have no relationship what so ever, the only time we talk is when he wants to spend time with our children but that is it! He does not live with us anymore since that is what he wanted! I guess I am just confuesed why he is hurt if I go on a date after all he has done!
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Old 10-20-2010, 09:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this really cheating?

Because the cheater almost always likes to keep you around as a backup in case their affair falls apart ... exactly like his did when he knocked her up.

My ex did the same. It's a very common behavior. They act wounded, blame you for the fact that they cheated in the first place, and then are indignant when it becomes apparent that you have moved on.

Don't buy into it. Good luck with your new relationship.
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