Please Help me! My wife wants a divorce, but I love her.
I can't stop crying, I can't stop thinking about her, I love her more than I knew was possible. I've been with her for 9 1/2 years, 4 of those we've been married. We've been living in my parents house for all that time until I could buy my grandparents house. I bought the house two years after we got married but the house was in need of some restoration which costs a lot of money. We both had work at the time, I work as a Police officer and she's a hair designer. I have always maintained a steady income but sadly she's had trouble with that. I've always supported her in that aspect because it is what she loves to do and if it makes her happy, I'm happy. The thing is that because she's had bad luck with her career choice, I've always been the one saving the money needed for the restoration of the house even before I bought the house i was saving for it. About two months ago we had an argument that she wanted to leave my parents house. She didn't want to stay there anymore because she said she needed her privacy. She wanted to go live in the house even though it still had a lot of work to be done with it and also had no water. I managed to convince her to stay in my parents house and told her I would start working on the house immediately with the money I had saved up to that point. Anyway about a month or so, she had a breakdown and decided she could no longer stay in my parents house and told me she didn't care that the house wasn't ready, that she wanted to live there now. I refused and told her she couldn't do that, I couldn't let her live in those conditions. I told her to wait just a bit more since I had begun the renovation process. She refused to wait and I told her it was either my parents house or she could leave. She left and went back to live with her mother. I begged her not to do this, I begged her to give me just a little bit more time since I was already on my way to continue working on the house. She told me she made up her mind and was going to stick by her decision and she did. When she left, I was heartbroken. She told me she would come back when the house was ready. This really got me upset because all of these years I had been the only one saving money for the house and I never demanded money from her, I knew her situation wasn't the best (she had been through 9 or 10 different jobs earning scraps). Anyway I kept working on the house until I found it suitable for us to live. I decided to call her on Sunday and ask her if she could come on Monday to help me out with a few minor things in the house. I was planing to surprise her that Monday and ask her to bring back her clothes because we were finally moving in together. That Sunday after I asked her to come down on Monday, she asked me if I was getting accostumed to living apart and I told her "More or less". It was a stupid thing to say, I only said it because I was still upset that she had left and all that time I felt her being cold. I didn't mean it. I've been miserable the whole time she'd been living with her mother but I didn't say anything. I tried being cold to her in return. She seemed hurt by this but I didn't back down and then I told her I never told you to leave, you made that choice. That's when she got really upset and told me that she didn't leave, she said that I kicked her out. I told her I gave her a choice and that she opted to leave. She said she didn't want to keep talking and that she had to go, so we said goodbye and hung up. On Monday I waited for her all day to come but she never did. I called her about 6PM asking her why she didn't come. She said she was busy doing other stuff and then I told her that I really needed her to help me and if she wasn't going to come at least she could've called instead of leaving me there waiting. She told me she was upset because of our conversation on Sunday and that she needed time. This got me upset because after i had been working nonstop for a full month trying to get our house ready ( and it finally was) she now needed time. I told her I needed to know what was up with us. She again said she needed time, so we decided to end the conversation there and hung up. Twenty minutes later I receive I text message from her that she was letting me go. I called her back and asked her what was that all about and she said she wanted a divorce. On Tuesday I called her and asked her if we could talk in person about what had happened. She agreed to come by our house to talk but that she had already made up her mind and it wasn't going to change. I waited for her to finish her work and to arrive at our house. She came into the living room but didn't want to see the rest of the house. I asked her I could say something without interrumption because I really needed to say some things. I told her I knew I was wrong in telling her I had grown accostumed to being alone, I tried to act tuff only because I had felt her being cold all that time. I said the truth was that I was misserable without her and that I really missed her enough to go crazy. I begged her forgiveness for my stupid comments and that I regreted saying them and that she was the most important part of my life. Her answer was, I'm still standing by my decision. I was crushed to hear this. She said that her frustration with me was more than the love she felt. I felt my world crush when I heard her say that. I asked her that if she didn't love me anymore all she needed was to look my in the face and tell me and I would accept it as such. She did...she looked me in the eyes and said I don't love you anymore. I couldn't belive she had lost the love she felt for me, I died inside that very moment. I love my wife, I truly do. I hate myself for saying those hurtful things I didn't mean. I need her more than anything but she doesn't love me anymore. I don't know what to do.