Someone stated that my only hope in possibly getting my wife back would be through the 180 degree plan from Marriage Builder. It seems to be the total opposite of everything i've been doing. I plan on implementing it tonight as we still bowl on a team together. Also, we still go to the same church. If I have any chance at all, this may be it. Anyone ever have any luck with it, even after divorce papers were filed?
I did this ... not because i was following the plan but because it was how i decided to be after my ex and i split. We're not yet divorced, but after three months of separation he came back and attempted to reconcile with me. So I guess it did work ... not that we're together now! Our attempt at reconciliation made me realize how different we are and how badly we communicate. Since the communication didn't improve I knew it was never going to really get better and I chose to move on.
But still, that 180 degree attitude seemed to affect him ....
I did this ... not because i was following the plan but because it was how i decided to be after my ex and i split. We're not yet divorced, but after three months of separation he came back and attempted to reconcile with me. So I guess it did work ... not that we're together now! Our attempt at reconciliation made me realize how different we are and how badly we communicate. Since the communication didn't improve I knew it was never going to really get better and I chose to move on.
But still, that 180 degree attitude seemed to affect him ....
I'm optimistic that it may help my situation but I have to prepare for the worst. Obviously, I don't want this but God's plan can not and will not fail. Posted via Mobile Device
You should definitely try! Like I said ... I believe it can work. As long as one person wants to save a marriage there is hope I think this 180 degree system works because if you push another person for reconciliation they push back ... by pushing away from you. So, by taking a step back you give her the space to see more clearly, to stop being defensive, and to show her that you are the man she first fell in love with.
Good luck to you!
You should definitely try! Like I said ... I believe it can work. As long as one person wants to save a marriage there is hope I think this 180 degree system works because if you push another person for reconciliation they push back ... by pushing away from you. So, by taking a step back you give her the space to see more clearly, to stop being defensive, and to show her that you are the man she first fell in love with.
Good luck to you!
I hope it can work. Right now, we are bowling together and all that's been said was concerning our daughter. I know there has to be love still there. It's just hidden because of the hurt. Real love just doesn't die. Posted via Mobile Device
While i still remain somewhat optimistic, I'm not so sure there is any hope. She seems to have distanced herself from me pretty well, but I'll keep trying. She might even already be going on dates...
Mark,
I would check it out. Information is power, the more one reads the wiser they become, and besides there is nothing wrong with mixing up your plan of attack. It will keep her quessing:-)
So keep up the positive mental attidute, your kid is depending on you.
I know it hurts to think of her dating but don't let it deter you. my ex was dating as well when he decided to try to reconcile ... and as therefore very distant with me. He broke up with this other girl because he missed me (they started dating just two weeks after we separated). He told me that dating made him feel less lonely for a while, but it also reminded him how great I was and everything I did for him.
I know it hurts to think of her dating but don't let it deter you. my ex was dating as well when he decided to try to reconcile ... and as therefore very distant with me. He broke up with this other girl because he missed me (they started dating just two weeks after we separated). He told me that dating made him feel less lonely for a while, but it also reminded him how great I was and everything I did for him.
I hurts like hell to think about her "hanging out" with other guys, as she calls it. I am hoping that my outcome will be similar to yours in that she realizes that maybe I wasn't so bad. But she says that after all these years, she's tired of trying. Maybe I should just move on and stop trying to hold on to her. It's hard because I love her so much. In the 180 degree Divorce Buster plan, they say to be patient. I'm trying, but I think my chances of reconciliation are fading fast. I know that she's corresponding with several guys and I'm hoping that this will get old to her at some point, but I just don't know, especially if she's having the fun she says our marriage lacked. All I can do is continue to pray. Man this sucks.
Trust me, I know the pain. I wish I could tell you how to feel better but I can't. Even now, knowing I no longer want my ex, I get upset knowing he's dating other women. It makes me feel sick and sad. One important thing i have learned is that, even if you are going to take all these steps to reconcile your marriage, you need to spend time on you too. Go out with friends, try new things, pick up an old hobby you haven't had time for ... I think someone said you have a kid? I do too and I've found that nothing makes me feel better than spending time with him. Even just looking at him! That little guy is never going to know how many times he's saved me from going crazy. Its almost impossible to feel sad with him in my arms
OK, I have never heard of this but googled it and read the list of things you are not supposed to do. How are you supposed to reconcile if you don't plan dates, don't buy gifts, don't call, don't talk. I am not saying it won't work because I have not done it but it seems like if your spouse left you and you pull away they will say "yea this is going to be easier than I tought!"
OK, I have never heard of this but googled it and read the list of things you are not supposed to do. How are you supposed to reconcile if you don't plan dates, don't buy gifts, don't call, don't talk. I am not saying it won't work because I have not done it but it seems like if your spouse left you and you pull away they will say "yea this is going to be easier than I tought!"
Does not make much sense to me.
From what I've read about it, it's basically doing the opposite of what you've been trying. I've been doing, since she made her desire known, everything that the list says not to do and all it's done is cause her to be defensive and more distant. I don't want more space between us so by stopping everything I was doing, the saying "I love you", the talk about our good points, the spying, the moping, and all of that stuff but it has not worked. I willing to try anything right now. I want her to see that I am strong no matter the case. I want her to see that I am capable of moving forward. I want her to see that I can and will change. If it doesn't work, then I will have the confidence and the lessons to be able to handle the next relationship. Posted via Mobile Device
lobokies, thank you for the compliment as well as the proverbial "slap in the face". I do need to move on. I do need to start creating my life without her. At heart, I'm a fighter and as the old adage goes, "anything worth having is worth fighting for". I know there is a strong possibility that this is the end. In this beginning stage, it's extremely difficult not to think of all this turning out the way I would like it to. As the days have gone by, I'm becoming more and more able to accepting the reality of it all. I'm not there yet, but I will be at some point. I like your shadow analogy and I believe it to be true. I will continue to learn from this unfortunate situation and make sure that I'll be prepared for any other relationships that may come in the future. But you guys make it seem as if having a hopeful attitude is bad. It's not that easy to stop loving someone and wanting to be with someone. It's just not that easy. I'm trying to deal with it...but it's gonna take some time.
mark... i support you to still love her. but the important thing is, you have to earn respect from her. so far, she has no respect to you. just wanna ensure that she will not have control over you.
mark, you are a man. you deserve better life and future. i do not know if she is your better life or future.
Any success with 180 degree divorce busters? 
I think this 180 degree system works because if you push another person for reconciliation they push back ... by pushing away from you. So, by taking a step back you give her the space to see more clearly, to stop being defensive, and to show her that you are the man she first fell in love with.
