Why so bitter?

elmo · 11-30-2010, 01:49 PM

My wife divorced me, it was final November 29, 2010. She humiliated me, came to me 8 months ago and stated she didn't love me anymore. This coming after I busted her having an affair. I moved out, the slob moved in. She denied the whole affair, even to her attorney, yet flaunted it out in public. I was very good to my wife, was loving, and a devoted father. I did everything to save the marriage. She played me during the temp hearing telling me if I give up the house, she wants to try and save marriage; so I did. Soon as I did that, she turned on me. I was like a son to her parents, and both turned on me and took the OM in like a long lost son. during the last couple of months, I cut off all communication with her because she insisted I was harrassing her when I would call or email just to be friendly. So I gave up. She wanted the house, she got it. She wanted the 4-wheelers, she got it. She wanted her truck, she got it. She got child support as well, but in final hearing, it was cut in half and I was given shared custody of my son (which is important to me). She did not get allomony because I proved infedility. She did not get half my retirement because of the duration of marriage was only 6 years. The only thing I got from the divorce was the furniture (which I still must get), and shared parenting. Last weekend, I had my 5 year old son and he stated in public in front of people that he hates the OM and that he and mommy fight and yell (Something we never did). I can tell that when I have my son that he does not want to go back and that he is more comfortable around me. O.K. here is the question. She claimed she didn't love me anymore and they were just "friends." She blamed me for all sorts of ludicris stuff that was silly. She filed for divorce, got what she said she wanted. Her father was behind her the whole time (After all I did for him and with him). He spouted off at the attorney and said I should have paid for everything including the house. Here she is with OM and he is saying stuff like this. Since she wanted this divorce and claimed she was miserable and unhappy (yet could never give any reason for being unhappy) Why is she so bitter? It was her decision?

Feelingalone · 11-30-2010, 02:40 PM

My guess, she isn't happy with herself. She wasn't happy with herself when she was married to you and to her the only reason could be you. When in truth she needs to learn to make herself happy. She thought the OM would make her happy and guess what it didn't because only you control your own happiness.

that's my guess.

notreadytoquit · 11-30-2010, 02:42 PM

I think the only thing is she is sorry for getting caught. I have and ex husband just like that. Left me with a child that is not even 2 years old, after I left my career, friends and family to move to the US for his career. All of a sudden he is unhappy yet he never expressed that in any way(words or behaviour). He never admitted the affair, never spoke to me after I busted him about the affair let alone to apologize. He does pay child support and alimony(even gives the checks ahead of time). But otherwise acts completely indifferent, even tried to threaten me he was going to take away my child when my lawyer asked for more alimony for me.

Look up my username I have one thread in Mens Clubhouse and two in Coping with infidelity.

Sounds like she and the OM won't last very long. Oh as for the inlaws I am in the same boat as you. MIL never liked me because I could stand up and speak for myself.

You will get through it. Just take care of yourself and your son and don't worry about anything else.

Pandakiss · 11-30-2010, 05:26 PM

you know thats what unhappy people do [i mean unhappy with self]. you can never "fix" what you dont know is broken, and she prob does not know or aknowledge it. you have done the right thing in backing off, she got what she wanted.

i am sorry about how it all went down and your son does not deserve to see his mom "working" it out, and trying to get her s### togther.

i know this will sound harsh: you are bitter because yoou want someone to say, yes you were right you are the bigger person

well you were right, yoou are the bigger person you did all the right things and she did everything wrong...

see, it resolves nothing to shout this from the roof tops. you must accept her for the broken individual that she is. this is what she wanted for her life. take soliace you got out, you are on the other side of the looking glass.

if you feel your son is in danger, emotional, and mental, and a loving enviroment,are important to their well being. it is enough that you are a safe place for him to run to, and to be in comfort. you dont live there, so you have the opinion of a small child that has a huge event happen in his life.

so think about the source before you act, and tell a judge,you want a hearing and you want full custody. you have to be able to prove its not a good enviroment to raise kids in.

think long and hard. come to terms that she will never be back with you, and she has choosen a low life to share her life with. it will start the healing process, i am not trying to be mean or spiteful, please, dont be mad.

these things will help you over come your hurdles.