MT-let me make this clear. she's been given credit with helping to save my life. i do have a sense of debt to her. if that means what you say is true, i'll accept that.
MT-let me make this clear. she's been given credit with helping to save my life. i do have a sense of debt to her. if that means what you say is true, i'll accept that.
Cool. I have been helped by a few good people in that past, but sometimes for whatever reason, I prefer to pass on that goodness to others rather than the person who helped me. It just works out that way sometimes.
But form everything you say, it sounds like Beth wants you back. She just wants you in as good as shape as possible first. Being confident is what will really attract her or any other woman.
mt-
funny, i want to be back too. if she wants me back "in as good as shape as possible" i'm close to tip-top right now. confidence is down, but i'm sure that is because i'm alone. never have been since college. beth holds all the cards on that one, because i have no desire to be with anyone else.
i hold out hope as she has chosen to see my therapist with me starting next wednesday, but i've read so much about counseling not helping and actually hurting the relationship because it brings up so many negatives. i don't know. we never talk about "the issues" when were together and we have so much fun. i see that as healing.
i've been reading a lot of different posts on this board, it seems i'm being given quite a chance by my wife compared to many here, but i can't help thinking that if i had had an affair, at least i would have something i could blame all this on. i mean, i could see where an affair would be hard to get over for the offended party, but my transgression was fixed. i'm done with drinking, which has had an incredible effect on the rest of me, such as, i'm not jealous, possessive, etc. so here i sit waiting for next wednesday, which is our first regularly scheduled couples counseling, nor sure how to feel cuz beth has asked several times "why do i have to go?" but agreeing to go. makes me think she doesn't need to see any of the progress. my counselor has said "i'd really like to get her in al-anon" and she's already stated that she's not going to go. he's identified her as codependent and i don't think that'll play out too well; she already knows that and i don't think she likes that about herself. i'm kinda rambling now but probably looking for some positives in a seemingly negative situation. sorry. and why is she being so nice to me if she hates me? she just came over and was all smiles and nice and if she would just act like she hated me it would all add up but it doesn't! today i feel like i'm coming apart. my counselor says miracle are happening, i've read all your responses that say things are going along good, pm's indicating that she still loves me and to be patient, prayers being answered, yet still, this is the hardest road i've ever been on. praying and working the self esteem workbook...
You know, this is just a hunch, but I think she was co-dependent on you, but when she decided to drop you like a hot potato until you sorted yourself out, I think she dropped her side of the co-dependency. Therapists are great for racking over the past, but they are apt to miss the PRESENT. Beth has moved on. In fact, so have you! A smart move might be to NOT get her to come to all your therapy sessions.
Otherwise it all about you and your sickness. If you save meeting her for more normal settings, you may find your relationship gets more healthy.
When she drooped you, she probably thought you would not make it, so you are probably making her very happy. Even if she does not want to take up with you, she will be pleased that her kids will have a living father, with a liver and kidneys that still work.
i've been reading a lot of different posts on this board, it seems i'm being given quite a chance by my wife compared to many here, but i can't help thinking that if i had had an affair, at least i would have something i could blame all this on. i mean, i could see where an affair would be hard to get over for the offended party, but my transgression was fixed. i'm done with drinking, which has had an incredible effect on the rest of me, such as, i'm not jealous, possessive, etc. so here i sit waiting for next wednesday, which is our first regularly scheduled couples counseling, nor sure how to feel cuz beth has asked several times "why do i have to go?" but agreeing to go. makes me think she doesn't need to see any of the progress. my counselor has said "i'd really like to get her in al-anon" and she's already stated that she's not going to go. he's identified her as codependent and i don't think that'll play out too well; she already knows that and i don't think she likes that about herself. i'm kinda rambling now but probably looking for some positives in a seemingly negative situation. sorry. and why is she being so nice to me if she hates me? she just came over and was all smiles and nice and if she would just act like she hated me it would all add up but it doesn't! today i feel like i'm coming apart. my counselor says miracle are happening, i've read all your responses that say things are going along good, pm's indicating that she still loves me and to be patient, prayers being answered, yet still, this is the hardest road i've ever been on. praying and working the self esteem workbook...
But you know that addictions are not like that. You can be done for a week, month even years and still go right back to it. How many people quit smoking then one cigerette and they are hooked again. How many alcoholics after being sober a long time one drink and they can't stop until they are drunk.
But you know that addictions are not like that. You can be done for a week, month even years and still go right back to it. How many people quit smoking then one cigerette and they are hooked again. How many alcoholics after being sober a long time one drink and they can't stop until they are drunk.
draconis
What you say is very true, but if you have the will to stop, you can stop anything. It is hard, but it can be done.
I am waiting to see it happen.
it crave someone with wil to control himself first.
Someone who isnt so egoist tha the put everything else behind his bottle,.
and his own ego too.
Sweet love & honey please keep things on target and stop hijacking threads.
Sweet love I can't believe that you have read voivod's posts or you would know the sacrofice this man has made and the progress he has done. I can't see anything in your post that relates to him. If the two of you want to bicker start your own thread, or pm each other. Otherwise your time here will be short.
fyi-
i quit smoking 12 years ago cold turkey, never went back. i have no desire. i believe i can conquer (beat) this addiction. i don't really understand the reference to ego, please explain.
mt- you say:
>>>A smart move might be to NOT get her to come to all your therapy sessions.
Otherwise it all about you and your sickness. If you save meeting her for more normal settings, you may find your relationship gets more healthy.<<<
you know, i've had thoughts leaning that direction. it's just that beth's willingness seemed such a positive sign. i thought it was a bit risky too.
she had no doubt that i would make it, though mt, we've talked about that. when i asked her she said "i knew you would make it because we need you." we've had pretty long and deep conversations about my mortality. it's one of the things that keep hope alive. she said once during dinner at a local steak house, "it would have been so empty if you would have died. i knew you wouldn't." my 11 year old daughter overheard the conversation and smiled. she said "i knew you wouldn't because mommy said you couldn't." there's so many layers to my story. i'm gonna write a book for non-believers some day. i am a complete turn-around. i'm one of those "saw the light at the end of the tunnel in the emergency room" people. i promise, this much is true. y'know how kids can kinda obsess about death & dying? i have no problem telling my children "there is nothing to be afraid of" and mean it. anyway, off track a bit, sorry.
we had planned to go to the drive in tonight. beth changed her mind, said she was "cranky" and didn't wanna be cooped up in the car with 3 cranky kids...
so my 11 year old (the most sensitive) gets upset about mom not wanting to go...
beth tells her "i don't wanna go with dad"
daughter gets upset, i decide to ask what that means. beth gives me some stuff about wanting to stay home, how she never gets alone time. i understand that, but then she says "we're not together" which i tell her "i know, i told you i agree, you made the right decision" and she says "i think it's obvious what to tell (my 11 yr old)"
this seemed like a shot across the bow. i'm trying, we had fun at the soccer games today, she gave me no indicator that she was going to act this way...
you guys, i feel like i'm losing now...help...then the phone rings...
she tells my 11 year old "mama got to watch tv with peace & quiet... why does she do this? keeps me on the edge of worst case scenario, then presents something rather neferious???
now i have the therapy session on wednesday...dare i ask him why she does this...keeps me on edge, and honest, i guess...
Re: separation is killing me, help! 
A smart move might be to NOT get her to come to all your therapy sessions.
What you say is very true, but if you have the will to stop, you can stop anything. It is hard, but it can be done. 
