my counselor says he sees the situation as moving forward at "lightning speed" while i am seeing it go soooo sllllowwww. every day that goes by feels like a day lost. justean, i don't feel it is the right thing to do pushing a sexual agenda. do i want sexual contact? yes! but i feel like that would push her away. last night i tried to introduce a situation that would have resulted in one of us sleeping at the others' place, but she was insistant upon her going home to her apt. and falling asleep there. i didn't push it.
Good for ou for not pushing it. That should help your cause. It is moving forward quicker then you think just not at the pace you would want it too.
draconis,
have you read all of my posts? i'm so sorry it feels like things are going so slow! or not going at all! my counselor seems to think things are going fast and that she still loves me. it's hard to see that from the perspective of living apart. she has shown plenty of indications that she is still interested in a relationship; i just wanna get the old one back. wait...i'm sure the "old one" won't work!!! i want her back, and a new relationship.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
Let's face it it always goes slower then we want it to be.
As for reading the posts I read every post by every person on these forums, yours included. Sometimes threads might be forgotten, or mixed up with other people. But I have read all 20 of your posts.
I see 2 things that come through pretty clear in your posts to date:
1) Your wife still loves you and you still love her
2) Your wife, for her own sanity, is keeping her distance until she feels comfortable that your changes (stopping drinking) are permanent.
So although I'm sure it seems incredibly slow to you, she has probably been feeling bad about this for a while and it took a lot for her to leave someone she clearly still loves. She will have another hard decision to make when it comes time to return home and she isn't taking it lightly. I think this is a good sign (sorry i know you hate it) but she is looking at the long-term and is probably afraid of a quick fix and a few months/years down the road you are in the same bad spot again.
I agree on keeping the romance on the back burner for now...My guess is she will respond best to seeing you taking care of yourself/your health right now. Rehab/gym/eating healthy or whatever you can do to work on getting back to 100% and that your health is your #1 priority I think will go far with her in feeling more comfortable about the future of your marriage.
i just found out she referred a friend and co-worker of hers to my counselor, so i see that as a sign that she's seeing it working. why would she refer a friend to a counselor that doesn't work, right?
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
i just found out she referred a friend and co-worker of hers to my counselor, so i see that as a sign that she's seeing it working. why would she refer a friend to a counselor that doesn't work, right?
>>>I see 2 things that come through pretty clear in your posts to date:
1) Your wife still loves you and you still love her
2) Your wife, for her own sanity, is keeping her distance until she feels comfortable that your changes (stopping drinking) are permanent.<<<<
i feel she does still love me, (lotsa "honey's" still come out of her mouth when she's talking to me) but that's what makes it so frustrating as far as the drinking issue. i'm flat out NOT drinking, never again. i know i'm only partway thru the 12 steps, but i am never going back to alcohol. if she loves me, wouldn't that be easy to tell. i'm done, and my committment to sobriety is real clear. wouldn't she want to see that in action? as in living together?
btw, i still haven't figured out the quote button, yet. sorry.
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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
Last edited by voivod; 08-13-2008 at 05:39 PM.
Reason: added last sentence
crap, wife just came by, said we can't do the camping trip this weekend, due to her work schedule and meetings with sports team we are coaching, plus daughters' soccer tournament. outta the mouth's of babes, my 11 year old says, "it's not because she didn't want to go, things just work against it."
hell with it, i'm gonna schedule a picnic at the campsite sunday.
__________________
separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
Last edited by voivod; 08-14-2008 at 12:45 AM.
Reason: added last sentence
crap, wife just came by, said we can't do the camping trip this weekend, due to her work schedule and meetings with sports team we are coaching, plus daughters' soccer tournament. outta the mouth's of babes, my 11 year old says, "it's not because she didn't want to go, things just work against it."
hell with it, i'm gonna schedule a picnic at the campsite sunday.
draconis,
funny, i saw you saying "please don't post again until monday." i'm gonna make this a nice weekend regardless. she accepted my invite to join me & the kids at an amphitheater showing of a disney movie tomorrowe night. also taking the camping trip in another direction. since she can't stay overnight due to work schedule, i'm gonna make it a picnic.
some other encouraging things recently, she offered to combine our income and help with some bills of mine. i have made payments for her recently, paid for the kids school registration (trying to assume my responsibility), taking her lunch every day at work when she's been unable to get away, etc.
i still feel awfully empty without her living in the house, but you all, including my counselor, have said things are moving along quickly enough, but not for me. i feel despair almost every day, and i feel lost. she has been my everything, truly a pillar of strength.
i catch myself looking forward to the few minutes we get to spend together when she's picking the kids up or i'm dropping them off, only to be truly saddened when i or she leaves.
i find myself asking myself "how could i have drained this woman of all the love that she has? she was so full of love and i must have just been such a drain, and maybe the effort she put forth during my stroke recovery was just too much."
sorry drac, i think i'm using this space as therapy.
__________________
separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.
4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
Last edited by voivod; 08-14-2008 at 05:00 PM.
Reason: tense
she has been my everything, truly a pillar of strength.
i find myself asking myself "how could i have drained this woman of all the love that i have? she was so full of love and i must have just been such a drain, and maybe the effort she put forth during my stroke recovery was just too much."
She does sound like a wonderful, supportive person based on what you've said about her. If she is feeling drained, the time you are devoting to helping her now (bringing her lunch, etc.) might be the thing that refuels her, knowing it's a 2-way street.
Quote:
Originally Posted by voivod
sorry drac, i think i'm using this space as therapy.
Re: separation is killing me, help!
