i received some advice from a vey smart man who said in essence that "if it doesn't hurt your self esteem program, keep seeing her..." on these social get-togethers. well, she's joining me at a community showing of another children's movie tonight. i feel a little twisted about it as, noted earlier, my patience for reconciliation is tested because, the more of these get togethers we do, the closer i feel to getting back together, then when it doesn't happen as quickly as i'd like, i get all bummed out. advice please?
Can you get to a place in your mind where instead of trying to move back in together you look at this as a whole new beginning of your relationship with her? Enjoy your time with her, learn new things about each other and don't assume there's a time frame on living together (just as you wouldn't if you first met) Because she is wanting to spend time with you, you have the opportunity to build a new future together vs. moving too fast to get your old life back. It's unsettling for you now but it will be worth the wait.
you guys are godsends for my attitude!!!
absolutely! what agreat way to look at things! thing is, this woman just saved my life...we're a litle closer than "the beginning of a relationship." what i mean is, i cannot look at her as a new coutship, this woman is so familiar, and so beautiful to me. i hope you understand. but, yes, i will, as of today, work from the mindset of "beginning" although truth be told, from the very beginning of our relationship, i was trying to get "closer" (in all senses; my wife would giggle right about here and say "you're a dog!" in her cute way) so i've gotta remove all sexual leanings from my approach, i'd assume, right?
My wife and I after ten years still date (just the two of us) every week. Most of the time it is going out to eat or the movies. But the basics is where you get the butterfies then people relax instead of keeping with it.
thats where i think you need to sit down and talk with eachother.or u wil keep second guessing with her.
whose self esteem gets the boost then ? hers for the attention your giving her .
whilst yours goes down - because you keep being good , but your stil in the same place. there is only so much you can take.
when my hubby and i were split - he said to me , "i cant take this rejection n e more, i want to be with you and i love you - what i did was wrong " his one night stand in april.
even though he wanted an instant - let the past go.
he gave me the ultimatum.
to be honest it came as a shock - i did not want to really lose him.
we took our time, when he moved back in - we actually stayed separate for a short while - in the same house. alternated bed to settee.
but we became friends again. our relationship had changed. we stopped arguing - i try not to bring the event up - you have to , in order to move on.
but honestly my hubby said "if i move out, im not coming back ". he does mean it.
it gave me the kick i probably needed to make a decision.
justean,
i don't believe i'm in a position to give an ultimatum. i think my wife truly is protecting herself AND our children by keeping me at a distance. she has mentioned more than once "what if you did something stupid like that and the kids were home, or came home and found you like i did?"
well, i know that's not going to happen due to my actions, but she doesn't. plus (pardon me if i'm incorrect) she's showing me that she is dead serious about this.
so, i think i'm gonna stay the course and (if you guys will still have me) continue giving updats and begging for advice. things seem to be going ok that way. camping tomorrow, movie tonight. also, she referred to me as "husband" in conversation today at kids soccer game. i know, i know, i AM her husband! but words mean a lot to her, her choice of words was deliberate. also, she feined some jealousy when referring to a female former co-worker. it was cute, one of those "maybe i'll drive by there and give her a piece of my mind" things.
also. justean,
for you..last night, when she was putting her car in her garage as we were calling it a night, i complimented her on a project she'd been working on for some time, and she gave me that sparkle-eyed look you described earlier. WOW!!! felt good.
another good day/night. we went up to the mountains yesterday. already knew ahead of time we were going to skip camping (my son's kindergarten registration is monday) but i promised myself we were gonna have fun regardless. so we went up, checked out a local farmers/flea market, and went swimming in the lake.
then we visited a historic cemetary (sounds morbid, i know. my wife is a huge history buff) visited a few locally significant gravesites, she opened up again about my near-death event (she's talked to me more about it the past two days than at anytime since it happened) so i took the lead and said "you don't have to worry. i plan to live a normal life-span. i'm not having another stroke (kinda funny cause our family doc said i'm not allowed to have another one. instance of repeat of the type of event i had, cva,is very low) plus i'm taking care of myself. down 75 pounds, no alcohol, reduced stress.
after the cemetary, we headed home, i asked her to go see a movie with me, when we got back to town, found out nothing was really playing til way late, so she popped in "it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world" (one of my favorites) she changed into a black nightgown that i bought a couple years ago, and we curled up on the couch & love seat and watched the movie. it was kinda cute too, she asked me to pick up some movie munchies (cantaloupe and popcorn!) and on my way out the door, i swear she said "baby, you need some money?" i haven't heard "baby" out of her mouth for awhile, so i was shocked, didn't say "huh" to make her repeat it, just went with it and said "no thanks honey." she gave a little smile i think as i left to go to the store.
i think things are coming together. i sure hope so. counselor appointment tomorrow, i'll be asking him too. he asked me to invite beth along this week. i'm a little afraid to as things are going so well.
i hope you dont mind me keeping an eye over what youve been up to. its nice to hear your update.
your doing all the right things. you when things are too much/not to much and your aspect of how to judge the situation has vastly improved from the person i first emailed.
boy look at you now. your winning.
god, i need help getting thru the days. it seems like this is taking so long. we are planning a yard sale right now for labor day weekend. feels like some wierd finality, as we are selling some of our stuff. nothing particularly sentimental, but i am a sentimental guy. i want this crappy separation over. i'm not drinking, have been a perfect gentleman, served and honored her for these almost eight weeks, i feel i deserve some concession. i'm wrong, aren't i?
Re: separation is killing me, help! 
