frustrating stuff at the counselor's office. she was asked "name three things that are frustrating you right now." she named 3 things from work. then they egged her into "3 things about chris that frustrate you." she had a tough time coming up with three.
the part the frustrated me (and i'm gonna have a word with my counselor about) is that she was allowed to say anything and it was taken as gospel truth. one of the frustrations is that i had short term disability that provided for 28-thousand dollars in salary replacement for the duration of my illness. if our house was in jeopardy of being lost, where did that money go? because it's spent. beth says "i paid a lot of other bills with that money." ok, i'm not asking for proof, but don't blame me for spending money on "booze and strippers" (from my radio days, not one dime on striipers for the record, my show just had a reputation.) and not be accountable for my entire salary from feb 1 thru july 15th. it's hard for me to sit still and have the counselors let her run about "things that frustrate beth about chris" and not feel a little resentment for not being able to defend myself.
si i'll go back on monday and ask him about what the hell that was about, and hopefully get an answer that makes sense. the good thing, i think, was that we came out a little ahead, as i have a "contract" with beth witnessed by the counselor forcing ME to take action with the house. i'll sell it, take a major beating (the market sucks, in case you hadn't heard) save some face with beth (her biggest ***** with me was i didn't DO things, i always stood back and let her do them-true :-( and financially plan the purchase of our next home.
so we exited the session with a great deal more clarity (?) of our issues and a date friday night for dinner/the jim gaffigan comedy show. she asked me yesterday at dinner if i was "excited" about going. hell yeah, i got gramma to babysit & my daughter made us a card, i'm gonna get her a little corsage (like the prom i guess, kinda cutesy), dinner, gonna pass on the limo. beth says-- "what an incredible waste of money"--ok. but i wanna make this as close to a realistic "date" from a courtship standpoint as possible.
I hope you get your answer from the councilor but it almost sounds to me that he wanted her to dig down and expose the problems so that they can be fixed. Let's hope that it is it. Otherwise the guy is a fruit cake.
drac,
i don't like the "either/or" scenario. either he's spot-on OR he's a quack? if this were traditional medicine, i'd have a 50/50 shot!!! i don't like my chances.
i will enjoy it...these new thoughts of anger/frustration are clouding my enthusiasm for it...i think i'm stuck in this new place of maybe thinking the problem is bigger than what has been stated...
you know, i went to another therapist friday after the monday session with dr rice (the one that encouraged beth to "tell me 3 things that frustrate you) and the second therapist came right around to chilhood issue that dr. rice never addressed, never even brought up. now, i understand there are different theories to therapy, but this new guy made sense. i told beth i went to see this new guy. she seemed to be a little concerned that i went to see him without consulting dr. rice. she liked dr. rice.
anyway, i'm going to see him monday. i don't know yet if beth will be there, but i'm asking him tough questions regardless. maybe he'll make it clear to me, maybe he won't. he claims to be "marriage friendly." i've just heard of too many counselors who "throw out the babt with the bathwater," in other words, they aren't exactly agendized to healing the relationship, rather they blame the relationship. who knows, we'll see monday but yes, in fact, i WILL enjoy the date friday night. the key to success is lowering expectations, i've heard, so i have my hopes in that "not too high" place. talk to ya friday night or saturday morning. thanks.
I think his approach will do one of two things. Find the hidden problems so they can be fixed or make mountains out of mole hills. Either way it will test the strength of the marriage and be clearer where things are at. The fact that you went to see another guy isn't bad. I see eight health care professionals for my MD. I have fired many doctors because I didn't like there approach which often is "oh, looks bad, must hurt all the time, sorry there is no cure." That isn't an answer I can take. I want every way to help myself, just like you.
the dr. rice questions came up tonite. she very much liked dr. rice, mostly because he listened, didn't dismiss her "complaints," and ASKED THAT I RESCHEDULE SESSIONS TO WEDNESDAYS SO SHE COULD ATTEND REGULARLY!!! dr. rice said she would do that IF SHE WERE INVESTED IN HEALING THE MARRIAGE!!! I believe i have a chance! now, don't blow it, stay sober, be a good father, always be there, etc.
by the way, we had an incredibly good time at the jim gaffigan show. he's a clean, FUNNY comedian. if you ever get the chance, go see him.
my kids are thrilled at the developments tonight. my 11 yr old daughter made us a "have fun tonite" card and wrote "be back before midnight" inside and put a gaffigan cd inside to remind her of our fun. mom thought that was sweet, scored some points there, and i got her an autograph for the scrapbook.
tonight, i'm on cloud nine. i think the work is paying off. and i took her out to one of my old drinkin' haunts, had dinner, bought a beer for beth (to show her "no hard feelings" if she wanted a beverage) and i had a diet coke. no problems, i think she was not uncomfortable with the presence of alcohol.
drac,
i include you in my prayers as well. i don't know much about MD but i will commit myself to knowledge of the disease and pray for relief for you and other sufferers.
you have been a great inspiration to me, with your writings and you dedication to your wife. your dedication shows in your writings, and i often think you two must have a dynamite relationship.
oh, btw, beth told me tonight she wanted to go back to school to be a nurse. i think she was "checking my pulse" on the idea, in otherwords see how i'd react. i congratulated her, wished her luck, and that was that.
ok,
beth asked me today if i was going to switch days that we would see dr. rice to accomodate her work schedule. she said she liked him and that she thought the team of dr. and mrs. rice was good.
i'm having dinner and seeing a movie over at her place tonight. she has been incredibly nice and i have good feelings about a future with her. we had a good time saturday watching our hometown college team on tv at my place saturday night.
i pray that i am not getting false positives from this. i can be so freaking negative. i gotta stop that and just enjoy my time with her. i keep going back to the "she wouldn't spend so much time with me if she wanted away from me" theory. that's gotta be true, huh?
This is all very touching but I worry for you. I worry that you think so little of yourself that only Beth can complete you. She will love you more if you can develop an inner confidence that you have never tasted so far in life. I hope you can find that somehow.
I would see no possible way for her to gain anything from spending all this time with you than dropping a bomb. I think she needs to feel the security that you can keep up your sidde of things. I think the two doctor approach might help her get to feeling possitive about you. Anything is worth a shot and it is obvious that she still cares for you.
mt-
you know, i've always had confidence in myself, i don't know what it is that makes me lack self-confidence now. i truly believe beth IS what completes me. that is wrong? i have acheived everything else. she is really my "soul mate" as i've heard it described.
drac-she clearly is not using it to "drop a bomb." she asked me if i know why i lived thru the stroke. i have prayed about it deeply, the answer that i keep getting is "to make amends." that makes sense to me. i have a lot of amends to make! that answer seemed to please beth. she knows i'm trying to correct my wrongs.
Re: separation is killing me, help! 
