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post #16 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-31-2014, 02:30 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

If it was me I would do research on the extent of the EA...if you find out its a PA it might change your resolve to save this short marriage.

Hell you don't even no if the guy is married.

Also can you find out if in fact you were watching the dog while see was at her parents or at a hotel with this coworker.

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post #17 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-31-2014, 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by andyhenson2014 View Post
OK, need some advice quickly. W called me this morning and wanted to meet for lunch to "touch base". We met, ate, made uncomfortable small talk and then she asked me "where I was" (with the separation I guess). I told her I was going to counseling to work on some of my issues. She thought that was good. I asked where she was and she said that during our 2 weeks apart she thought she would miss me more and she didn't at all. She said she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. I told her I was moving back this afternoon because it was my house too. She said we need to have a plan then. I asked her what plan and she said for splitting up stuff and who would move out. She actually wants me to participate in a divorce I don't want.

She said she doesn't want to be married to me and I shouldn't want to be married to someone who didn't want to be with them. She thinks we should sit down and civilly discuss how to split up our stuff for the D. I kinda just hedged and said OK or let me think about it. But one thing is clear...she definitely thinks D is the only answer and wants me to be an active participant. I told her if she wants D she could go file but she sad she didn't want to "do it that way".

We talked about OM a bit. She is still in contact with him, mostly over text and phone but who knows. She says their relationship isn't what I think it is. She just needs someone to talk to. BS. I told her that her relationship with OM was inappropriate and needed to stop.

How do I handle this situation where she wants me to participate in the D like I want it too, which I obviously don't? Is she playing mind games, gas lighting?

She implied that basically we can do this the easy way or the hard way, but she didn't say those exact words. I don't know if she's serious or not.

Also i should mention she is still wearing her wedding rings (guilt?) And she has had 2 sessions with the individual counselor (same counselor i'm seeing). He plans to eventually get us back to couples counseling after we work on our individual issues.

Not sure what my next step is here. Please help!
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Move back in the master bedroom and talk to a lawyer Monday. Answer a few questions - do you own or rent; do you both work, who makes the most. To get her back you have to be tough, don't buckle if she threatens you stay strong its the only hope. If she is having sex with OM do you even want her?
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post #18 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-31-2014, 09:49 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

If you don't trust her open a new account and move half the money over. No easy way to do it so I would not trust her
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post #19 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-31-2014, 10:22 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

It sounds like you want to reconcile at this point.

Get the book "Surviving an Affair". It will give you a good plan.

Move back into your home. You cannot fix a marriage when you don't even see her.

Leave the divorce stuff up to her. It sounds like big talk but no action on her part.

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post #20 of 28 (permalink) Old 05-31-2014, 10:51 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

WHY do you want to stay in the marriage?

I mean, you are only 3 years in, no kids. She's cheating (EA minimum) on you only 3 years in.

Really, why not cut your losses? I'm not being facetious, this is an honest question. Repairing the marriage is an uphill task, and there is no guarantee of success here. More, likely, since she is a Walk-Away, she has no investment in the marriage any more. The odds are very low of success, I believe.

So, again, why not just cut your losses?
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post #21 of 28 (permalink) Old 06-01-2014, 04:45 AM
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Re: My WAW situation

I agree with tom67...and to be specific, he means to expose the A with POS to her family, and I would do the same with your family and all mutual friends.

When she gates angry at the exposure, tell her directly that you would have quietly allowed her to leave if she was simply unhappy and the M wasn't working....but you will not remain silent when the primary obstacle to fixing the M is her A with this POS.

Tell her, despite what she thinks, you perfectly see what is going on with POS...at the very least it is an EA, and her prioritizing her relationship with him over her own vows makes you think it may even be a PA.

And THAT you will NOT allow to go quietly.
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post #22 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-13-2017, 08:32 AM
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Re: My WAW situation

Where did this end up?
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post #23 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 06:09 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

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Where did this end up?
She killed him.
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post #24 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 06:18 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

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She killed him.
But he came back as a zombie. Just like this thread!
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post #25 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 08:58 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

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Originally Posted by andyhenson2014 View Post
OK, need some advice quickly. W called me this morning and wanted to meet for lunch to "touch base". We met, ate, made uncomfortable small talk and then she asked me "where I was" (with the separation I guess). I told her I was going to counseling to work on some of my issues. She thought that was good. I asked where she was and she said that during our 2 weeks apart she thought she would miss me more and she didn't at all. She said she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. I told her I was moving back this afternoon because it was my house too. She said we need to have a plan then. I asked her what plan and she said for splitting up stuff and who would move out. She actually wants me to participate in a divorce I don't want.

She said she doesn't want to be married to me and I shouldn't want to be married to someone who didn't want to be with them. She thinks we should sit down and civilly discuss how to split up our stuff for the D. I kinda just hedged and said OK or let me think about it. But one thing is clear...she definitely thinks D is the only answer and wants me to be an active participant. I told her if she wants D she could go file but she sad she didn't want to "do it that way".

We talked about OM a bit. She is still in contact with him, mostly over text and phone but who knows. She says their relationship isn't what I think it is. She just needs someone to talk to. BS. I told her that her relationship with OM was inappropriate and needed to stop.

How do I handle this situation where she wants me to participate in the D like I want it too, which I obviously don't? Is she playing mind games, gas lighting?

She implied that basically we can do this the easy way or the hard way, but she didn't say those exact words. I don't know if she's serious or not.

Also i should mention she is still wearing her wedding rings (guilt?) And she has had 2 sessions with the individual counselor (same counselor i'm seeing). He plans to eventually get us back to couples counseling after we work on our individual issues.

Not sure what my next step is here. Please help!
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Andy,

Time for you to come out of YOUR fog. Your wife is involved with another man, and with what she is saying to to it is PHYSICAL in all likelihood. She did not miss you at all because she has a boyfriend while you are busy trying to impress her with changing yourself instead of listening to what she is saying.

Not only is she telling you she does not want to be married to you anymore, but she is not even having enough respect for you to even hide her involvement with another man. Now you can continue with the "pick me" game, and you will get support here, but the saying that you will hear time and time again here is

BELIKEVE WHAT THEY ARE SAYING TO YOU .

You cannot reconcile with her by yourself. Now you need to stop wasting your time trying to hope you are not in the real world here. Get to an attorney, move back into your house ( she cannot keep you out), and let her leave since she is the one with a boyfriend.

And for heavens sake tell the wife of the OM. And no, do NOT TELL YOUR WIFE . If there is any chance to have a reversal here, it will happen when his wife knows and he dumps your wife like as hot potato to save his ass.

You are pursuing a no win course of action continuing to play patsy with her.

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post #26 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:03 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by andyhenson2014 View Post
OK, need some advice quickly. W called me this morning and wanted to meet for lunch to "touch base". We met, ate, made uncomfortable small talk and then she asked me "where I was" (with the separation I guess). I told her I was going to counseling to work on some of my issues. She thought that was good. I asked where she was and she said that during our 2 weeks apart she thought she would miss me more and she didn't at all. She said she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. I told her I was moving back this afternoon because it was my house too. She said we need to have a plan then. I asked her what plan and she said for splitting up stuff and who would move out. She actually wants me to participate in a divorce I don't want.

She said she doesn't want to be married to me and I shouldn't want to be married to someone who didn't want to be with them. She thinks we should sit down and civilly discuss how to split up our stuff for the D. I kinda just hedged and said OK or let me think about it. But one thing is clear...she definitely thinks D is the only answer and wants me to be an active participant. I told her if she wants D she could go file but she sad she didn't want to "do it that way".

We talked about OM a bit. She is still in contact with him, mostly over text and phone but who knows. She says their relationship isn't what I think it is. She just needs someone to talk to. BS. I told her that her relationship with OM was inappropriate and needed to stop.

How do I handle this situation where she wants me to participate in the D like I want it too, which I obviously don't? Is she playing mind games, gas lighting?

She implied that basically we can do this the easy way or the hard way, but she didn't say those exact words. I don't know if she's serious or not.

Also i should mention she is still wearing her wedding rings (guilt?) And she has had 2 sessions with the individual counselor (same counselor i'm seeing). He plans to eventually get us back to couples counseling after we work on our individual issues.

Not sure what my next step is here. Please help!
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Why do you wish to stay with someone who has no respect for you or marriage, in general? She's showing you who she is.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
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post #27 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:05 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

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Originally Posted by DayOne View Post
But he came back as a zombie. Just like this thread!
lmao, omg I just noticed that it's an old thread.

Every now and then, you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. - unknown

I'm newly married
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post #28 of 28 (permalink) Old 04-21-2017, 09:13 PM
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Re: My WAW situation

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
lmao, omg I just noticed that it's an old thread.


Posting on a zombie thread is an automatic 2 day ban if the mods catch you.


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