Originally Posted by andyhenson2014 View Post
OK, need some advice quickly. W called me this morning and wanted to meet for lunch to "touch base". We met, ate, made uncomfortable small talk and then she asked me "where I was" (with the separation I guess). I told her I was going to counseling to work on some of my issues. She thought that was good. I asked where she was and she said that during our 2 weeks apart she thought she would miss me more and she didn't at all. She said she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. I told her I was moving back this afternoon because it was my house too. She said we need to have a plan then. I asked her what plan and she said for splitting up stuff and who would move out. She actually wants me to participate in a divorce I don't want.
She said she doesn't want to be married to me and I shouldn't want to be married to someone who didn't want to be with them. She thinks we should sit down and civilly discuss how to split up our stuff for the D. I kinda just hedged and said OK or let me think about it. But one thing is clear...she definitely thinks D is the only answer and wants me to be an active participant. I told her if she wants D she could go file but she sad she didn't want to "do it that way".
We talked about OM a bit. She is still in contact with him, mostly over text and phone but who knows. She says their relationship isn't what I think it is. She just needs someone to talk to. BS. I told her that her relationship with OM was inappropriate and needed to stop.
How do I handle this situation where she wants me to participate in the D like I want it too, which I obviously don't? Is she playing mind games, gas lighting?
She implied that basically we can do this the easy way or the hard way, but she didn't say those exact words. I don't know if she's serious or not.
Also i should mention she is still wearing her wedding rings (guilt?) And she has had 2 sessions with the individual counselor (same counselor i'm seeing). He plans to eventually get us back to couples counseling after we work on our individual issues.
Not sure what my next step is here. Please help!
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Time for you to come out of YOUR fog. Your wife is involved with another man, and with what she is saying to to it is PHYSICAL in all likelihood. She did not miss you at all because she has a boyfriend while you are busy trying to impress her with changing yourself instead of listening to what she is saying.
Not only is she telling you she does not want to be married to you anymore, but she is not even having enough respect for you to even hide her involvement with another man. Now you can continue with the "pick me" game, and you will get support here, but the saying that you will hear time and time again here is
BELIKEVE WHAT THEY ARE SAYING TO YOU .
You cannot reconcile with her by yourself. Now you need to stop wasting your time trying to hope you are not in the real world here. Get to an attorney, move back into your house ( she cannot keep you out), and let her leave since she is the one with a boyfriend.
And for heavens sake tell the wife of the OM. And no, do NOT TELL YOUR WIFE . If there is any chance to have a reversal here, it will happen when his wife knows and he dumps your wife like as hot potato to save his ass.
You are pursuing a no win course of action continuing to play patsy with her.