Not really sure where to start but the biggest problem is that my wife and I decided to termate a pregancy last year, I thought it was a joint decision but it seems I am wrong, I had major concerns about her back ( she had a very bad prolapsed disc following the birth of our daughter 2 years before) and money which of course is allways a problem.
Now following a fairly long illness for me, and alot of stress for her with me being so ill ( I am lucky to be alive) and her having to drive to the hospital 70 miles away every day and deal with our beautiful children she has annouched that she wants us to seperate because she hates me for the abortion and that I have'nt talked about it, she claims she has tried to talk to me before, which she has had the odd blow up during a fight, but as with all things they settle back down, and I've put it down to being a tiff, we have allways bickered it's part of what seems to make us tick. But now she has blown my world apart saying the last 14 years was for nothing, and she does'nt want us any more, there are other things but this is making everything that has ever happened a 1000 times worst.
I worship the ground she walks on, we have two beautiful children and she wants to throw every thing away and not even try, I am at my wits end, oh and it's me thats got to leave, any advice would be welcomed.
Have you asked her to try marriage counseling? I'm no doctor or therapist, but she clearly has issues of resentment and guilt. Maybe counseling would help her get through those issues. Even if you have to separate and give her some space, if she agreed to counseling during the time apart it may help.
Have you asked her to try marriage counseling? I'm no doctor or therapist, but she clearly has issues of resentment and guilt. Maybe counseling would help her get through those issues. Even if you have to separate and give her some space, if she agreed to counseling during the time apart it may help.
Except to say I would jump right into counseling together.
Do not leave, when push come to shove she will hit you with abandonment. Just like the abortion thing, she will put a spin on things that justify there behavior.
I have a hard time believing a women will leave the security of a man enless there is another in the wings.
"last 14 years was nothing"= I want to see someone and not feel guilty.
"she doesnt want us anymore"= I want the new man I found
Go easy now if you start acting needy and start cring and begging that is a big turn off. women love confident men so dont push her away with being pitiful.
Paul,
Take some time to really look into what is really going on with her, do some research, and investigate the sittuation and get informed.
Its hard, but stay focused and quitly looking for reasons. Don't ask her she will spin it again and make it your fault. Ask her no questions and she will tell you no lies. Stay stong that soon you will find the real reason for "her leaving the marraige"= so you stay home. You need to be around to protect your family, its your right, your kids are counting on you. Dont allow them to get exposed to any ugly behavior your wife might get into when you leave.
DO NOT LEAVE. I was asked to leave by my wife and now I regret it b/c I cannot find a way back into the home. If she wants to leave the marriage, she can leave the marital home. She may leave anyway, but she may back down and she could come to her senses. Once out of the home, it becomes exponentially harder to reconnect. It would appear to others that you may be abondoning the family if you agree to leave, this is not helpful. One possible exception could be if being under the same roof would only cause open warfare and fighting between both of you, then maybe a negotiated separation with clear agreements and expectations (time 3/6/9 months apart, no dating, who pays bills, marriage couseling . . .etc . . ). She may throw a fit if you stay, but like a teenager, she may come to her senses after a week or two. If you move out things may snowball and an unstoppable momentum towards divorce may develop. Only you know whats best for you, but I thought I would share my experience with you.
Thanks for all your advice, I really don't know what to do we did see a councillor yesterday, and have made another appointment really not sure she will come again, I spoke privately with him again this morning and he said although she seemed very admant, his intial thought were that she has reacted to all the stress of me being ill, and although she ripped me to pieces in the session he belives she still wants somthing but can't yet see it, after all she came to see him, I don't want to leave, she swears there is'nt any one else, I belive there is a glimmer of hope. Fingers crossed.
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