Maybe a break through...
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Old 01-02-2011, 06:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
DjF
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Default Maybe a break through...

My wife and I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning together with all of our 3 kids...we fixed breakfast together, it was a really wonderful family time...around noon Christmas day, my wife left to take my daughter to work and then went to her empty apartment...it really bothered me that she wouldn't/didn't come back here and spend the rest of the day with the boys and I...been really bothering me...

So today, when the boys and her came back from St; Louis, I asked if we could spend a few minutes talking...we went back to the bedroom, cuddled, made some small talk and she finally asked what was on my mind...I started to tell her how much her leaving and not coming back Christmas day hurt me, but broke down crying, finished telling her...and she broke down crying....told me how much she wanted to be here but didn't know if she was welcome, didn't know how to ask for a ride...we both had tears running down our faces..

I told her this was her home, she was always welcome...she said there were times when she wanted to come out, to call me...even times when she wanted me, but felt like she needed to give me space...I told her she could always call, that our problem was a lack of communication and if we are going to fix it, we needed to talk, communicate...

finally, she had to leave...so I asked her if I could tell her that I loved her...she said, "tell me again..."

We have a long ways to go and I hope I am patient enough to wait...but just these few moments today give me hope...and the strength to keep working forward!
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Old 01-02-2011, 06:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Maybe a break through...

that sounds fantastic!!!!!
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Old 01-04-2011, 09:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Maybe a break through...

That sounds great!!! I agree, good to hear some positive news on here....I suggest continuing to give her the space she needs and showing with your actions that you respect her feelings and you are still working on yourself.....
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Maybe a break through...Update, good weekend...

Things have been progressing nicely for us although at a snail's pace which was/is driving me crazy...but, we had a break through weekend (I hope)...

Our son had a Friday night basketball game and then an early one Saturday morning, so my wife decided to spend the night at our house rather than drive to her apartment and back (30 minute drive one way)...

When we were ready to go to sleep Friday night, she asked me where I wanted her to sleep, couch or bed...I said the bed with me and she said good...

We cuddled and talked maybe for 2 hours...had very compassionate and passionate love makeing, then talked for another hour or so...

Got up fixed breakfast and went to the basketball game...as we were headed our separate directions that morning, she asked me to go to Church services with her Sunday morning--now this is a big step because Church for her has been a safe place, no me, and I have wanted to go but did not ask because I knew how she felt about it, it was her place...but she told me that she just felt that God had touched her to ask me...

I was a nervous wreck this morning waiting for her in front of the church...God is very important to me, I was raised religious...but after spending all week in a building with 600 middle schoolers, I like to walk and pray in the woods enjoying the alone time...I was nervous because I wanted to do right for her, with her...she wants to have a spiritual life together, build it together as part of our reconncilation...

We sat down and suddenly she was in tears...turns out her dad passed away 14 years ago...the music started, service started and it was very alive, moving and suddenly I was in tears...the weekend with her, our talks, holding her, waking up with her just overwhelmed me...I couldn't hold it back anymore (oh yea, received news too that a good friend passed away Saturday)...

Anyways, to make a long story shorter, during the service the Paster asked if anyone wanted help finding Christ, to stand up...I hesitated, Christ was part of my life, but seems not enough of it because I stood up anyways...We talked for awhile, he gave me some papers to look over, made some suggestions and prayed a bit...

Afterwards, my wife came out and had lunch with my boy and me...talked even more about reconncilation, she is going to call about couples counseling, I am going to call about an addiction group at the church...and finally, finally..she agreed with me that divorce is not an option until all attempts to make things work fail...

This is huge because 3 months ago she had an appointment with a lawyer...still a lot of work to do, I'll still sleep alone for the next few months, probably longer...but a month ago I was alone in a dark tunnel, at least now the tunnel has some light shining throuugh...
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Old 01-16-2011, 10:13 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Maybe a break through...Update, good weekend...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DjF View Post
Things have been progressing nicely for us although at a snail's pace which was/is driving me crazy...but, we had a break through weekend (I hope)...

Our son had a Friday night basketball game and then an early one Saturday morning, so my wife decided to spend the night at our house rather than drive to her apartment and back (30 minute drive one way)...

When we were ready to go to sleep Friday night, she asked me where I wanted her to sleep, couch or bed...I said the bed with me and she said good...

We cuddled and talked maybe for 2 hours...had very compassionate and passionate love makeing, then talked for another hour or so...

Got up fixed breakfast and went to the basketball game...as we were headed our separate directions that morning, she asked me to go to Church services with her Sunday morning--now this is a big step because Church for her has been a safe place, no me, and I have wanted to go but did not ask because I knew how she felt about it, it was her place...but she told me that she just felt that God had touched her to ask me...

I was a nervous wreck this morning waiting for her in front of the church...God is very important to me, I was raised religious...but after spending all week in a building with 600 middle schoolers, I like to walk and pray in the woods enjoying the alone time...I was nervous because I wanted to do right for her, with her...she wants to have a spiritual life together, build it together as part of our reconncilation...

We sat down and suddenly she was in tears...turns out her dad passed away 14 years ago...the music started, service started and it was very alive, moving and suddenly I was in tears...the weekend with her, our talks, holding her, waking up with her just overwhelmed me...I couldn't hold it back anymore (oh yea, received news too that a good friend passed away Saturday)...

Anyways, to make a long story shorter, during the service the Paster asked if anyone wanted help finding Christ, to stand up...I hesitated, Christ was part of my life, but seems not enough of it because I stood up anyways...We talked for awhile, he gave me some papers to look over, made some suggestions and prayed a bit...

Afterwards, my wife came out and had lunch with my boy and me...talked even more about reconncilation, she is going to call about couples counseling, I am going to call about an addiction group at the church...and finally, finally..she agreed with me that divorce is not an option until all attempts to make things work fail...

This is huge because 3 months ago she had an appointment with a lawyer...still a lot of work to do, I'll still sleep alone for the next few months, probably longer...but a month ago I was alone in a dark tunnel, at least now the tunnel has some light shining throuugh...
I am soooooooooooo exited for you !!!!!!!

I'm so glad you guys are on the road to reconciliation !!!!!!

I love to read these kind of stories....even though it didn't work out for me....but I'm happy for you !!!!!!!!
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Old 01-18-2011, 08:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Maybe a break through...

thanks Rome and Hopemom...I keep trying, it's tough being on this rollercoaster (and I hate rollercoasters)...we see each other a lot on weekends, and then nothing during the week...

It was weird having her back in bed with me for the one night...all these nights I couldn't sleep because she was gone, and then the one night she was back, I couldn't sleep because I just wanted to hold her and watch her sleep...oh well, progress is progress!
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