SadSam thank you, finally there is someone who is able to understand me and what I am trying to tell.
When 2 people fall apart it is never one person't fault. A lot of times men are forced to look for sex somewhere else, are forced to cheat. It's a basic human's need like to eat or to breath air..can you stop anyone from doing this? And if they accidently fall in love with the woman they have sex can you say it's only man's fault???
And same for guys who don't give their wives what they need, they will face the same problem sooner or later.
I've also never cheated and have never been cheated on.
However I find it insulting for people out there who have to read that they should be allowing their cheating spouses go "with love", words written by a person "who's been caught in a middle of it for no mistake of hers".
Dear reachingshore, it was not about allowing cheaters go, it was about helping people to realise that you can't hold what doesn't belong and doesn't want to belong to you. Can't force anyone to love you or to feel happy with you.
Cheating is the problem. Spouses should work on the marriage or leave the marriage. Not cheat.
If you are with a married man, then you are at fault. Don't sleep with someone's husband and then be mad that the wife fights for her marriage. The best outcome you could have is that you end up with a cheater (even if they think the cheating is justified).
As you say, there is lots of love for everyone. So don't sleep with a married man. There are lots of other choices.
Cheating is the problem. Spouses should work on the marriage or leave the marriage. Not cheat.
If you are with a married man, then you are at fault. Don't sleep with someone's husband and then be mad that the wife fights for her marriage. The best outcome you could have is that you end up with a cheater (even if they think the cheating is justified).
As you say, there is lots of love for everyone. So don't sleep with a married man. There are lots of other choices.
Yes, thats right, but his wife doesn't fight for him, she wants him to go, they hadn't had sex for years, I dont think she even loved him anylonger, it was just a habit, she felt comfortable with him. And i don't think she ever thought that man wants to feel loved and wanted and have passionate sex even when he is 48.....
She doesn't want him ... so do what you want with him.
But he is in pain, he is suffering...and I am together with him as I can't turn back and say sorry but it's not fun with you anymore. I don't know how to help him and what to do in this situation. to make him feel better. Plus every time he tries to talk to her she just gives him so much more pain by saying bad things about him. And he keeps on justifying her and doesn't even get angry, just goes and suffers more.
Sorry nika, I can't let my wife of 25 years just walk away, nobody loves a quiter and that is what she did when she left...
Sorry, can't let her walk...we took our vows together in front of our Lord, our Church community and our families...I don't think they would want us to just walk away...
Sorry, can't do it, we celebrated the good times and should now work through the 'worse" times...it is what we vowed to do...
Sorry, can't let the marriage contract be de-valued even more, making it worth no more than the paper it is printed on...haven't family values been diluted enough?
Sorry, can't let her teach my kids that it is okay to walk away when facing difficulties/problems, that is not how you earn happiness in life...
but maybe I am sorry for you the most because I don't believe you have ever experienced true love deep and pure, otherwise you would never have posted what you did...true love deep and pure that all of the pain, suffering we are experiencing will be worth it if we ever wake up finding our loved one sleeping next to us again, and again...
There may come a day when I let my wife walk away, but it will be on my terms, when I have left every possible avenue of reconncilation exhausted and there is no hope left...then she can walk away. That's the only way I can do it, the only way I can walk away whole, complete...they only way I'll ever be able to love again, or have faith in love...
Not asking anyone to follow me here. Please keep your husbands and wives by force or by manipulating the curcumstances. Doesn't matter if they love you want you or respect you anylonger. Doesn't matter if they are happy or suffer and every night fall asleep dreaming and fantasising about someone they met in the shop or saw on TV.
Just do what YOU want, whatever make YOU happy and enjoy life!
Sounds like you are not taking your own advice. He loves his wife not you and he is trying to get her to forgive him, You are the one that needs to get out of the way. He is not fighting to stay with you if he loved you he would be working to divorce his wife.
So take your advice and completely cut off contact with him. That will give him the best chance to turn all of energy to getting the woman he loves back.
I am not sure what you are looking for. She seems to be forcing him to go, something more women should do, Are you saying that his wife should send him away so you can convince him to love you? My advice to you is to completely extricate your self from this man's life, he does not need your help.
It is unlikely that he will stay with you when the divorce is final because you remind him of a painful mistake. He may stay just for comfort for a few months but he will move on toi fresh relationship to start over.
Go and live your life and find a man who is free who can love you. Why would you want to stabilize someones marriage like an appendage? Men who cheat rarely leave their wives for the OW.
They use the OW to meet some of their needs and to stabilize their marriage. They have all of their needs met by two women. The contant is the wife and when one affair ends, he finds another so that he can stay in the marriage.
I'm sorry, but I can't accept any of this - some wives force their husbands to cheat?? We should just let them go find happiness without trying to save the relationship?? We need to stop manipulating to try to convince our husbands to stay in the marriage?? To me, this means that you are as in as much of a fog as your affair partner and that you never really felt true love or true pain. Your reasoning is flawed on so many levels, but one of the main things that you are missing is that this is usually not just about the two people involved in the marriage - often times, there are children involved, as well as extended family and life-long friends of the couple. I'm not sure what I'm missing here, but I was raised to believe that families are more important than a person's selfish needs. One person in a family is not more important than every other member of that family. That's what you and all the cheaters don't seem to get. We are talking about the destruction of a family. If that is not something to fight against with all of your might, then I don't know what is. I'm sorry if you are feeling attacked, but it's clear that your judgment is extremely clouded if you thought that you would find solace, help and guidance by posting your ideas on a website where people's hearts and souls have been demolished by the consequences of extra-marital affairs.
Nika is in love with a married guy. According to what Nika said,
The wife wanted to let go the cheating husband who sleeps with Nika, and the wife probably already told him to fk off, but the husband, doesn't want to let go his wife & family.
So, nika ACTUALLY wishes the husband, the man she loves, to let go the wife, but he can't.
Nika felt sorry to see the man she loves suffer from no sex in marriage, so Nika was simply there to stroke his...?@#$%
So guys, the main issue isn't the wife. (nika doesn't care about the wife because the wife already has the wisdom of letting go.)
The wife has no problems to let the husband be free with Nika and let them be free to screw each other's brains off.
The problem is the husband, the man she loves, doesn't want to get divorced nor does he want to marry nika... LOL
She doesn't want to help the husband to go back his wife by leaving him alone because she feels sorry to see him suffer from no sex...yeah, again, she was only there to help & stroke his @#$%...you know, no big deal.
Nika wants to offer the man she loves her wisdom of letting go but he refused to listen.
So Nika found this forum and would love to offer her wisdom to everyone.
Nika is in love with a married guy. According to what Nika said,
The wife wanted to let go the cheating husband who sleeps with Nika, and the wife probably already told him to fk off, but the husband, doesn't want to let go his wife & family.
So, nika ACUTALLY wishes the husband, the man she loves, to let go the wife, but he can't.
Nika felt sorry to see the man she loves suffer from no sex in marriage, so Nika was simply there to stroke his...?@#$%
So guys, the main issue isn't the wife. (nika doesn't care about the wife because the wife already has the wisdom of letting go.)
The wife has no problems to let the husband be free with Nika and let them be free to screw each other's brains off.
The problem is the husband, the man she loves, doesn't want to get divorced nor does he want to marry nika... LOL
She doesn't want to help the husband to go back his wife by leaving him alone because she feels sorry to see him suffer from no sex...yeah, again, she was only there to help & stroke his @#$%...you know, no big deal.
Nika wants to offer the man she loves her wisdom of letting go but he refused to listen.
So Nika found this forum and would love to offer her wisdom to everyone.
Nika, am I right?
Ms L - you are a code breaker of the highest caliber!
".....now if thou canst read the writing, and make known to me the interpretation thereof, thou shalt be clothed with scarlet, and [have] a chain of gold about thy neck, and shalt be the third ruler in the kingdom." Daniel 5:16
From Nika thread, she shared with us what is behind the cheating scene:
The cheater, the husband, is actually very painful & unwilling to get divorced, giving up his family & marriage, but the OW is there to help him, giving him the wisdom of letting go, meanwhile, taking care of his sexual needs.
We can have a bigger picuture on this whole cheating scene, the cheating husband is actually in a much bigger trouble than we estimate.
Why the cheating husband can't get rid of the OW?
This could be the reason?
The more the wife fight with him, the stronger where the OW stands.
Sorry nika, I can't let my wife of 25 years just walk away, nobody loves a quiter and that is what she did when she left...
Sorry, can't let her walk...we took our vows together in front of our Lord, our Church community and our families...I don't think they would want us to just walk away...
Sorry, can't do it, we celebrated the good times and should now work through the 'worse" times...it is what we vowed to do...
Sorry, can't let the marriage contract be de-valued even more, making it worth no more than the paper it is printed on...haven't family values been diluted enough?
Sorry, can't let her teach my kids that it is okay to walk away when facing difficulties/problems, that is not how you earn happiness in life...
but maybe I am sorry for you the most because I don't believe you have ever experienced true love deep and pure, otherwise you would never have posted what you did...true love deep and pure that all of the pain, suffering we are experiencing will be worth it if we ever wake up finding our loved one sleeping next to us again, and again...
There may come a day when I let my wife walk away, but it will be on my terms, when I have left every possible avenue of reconncilation exhausted and there is no hope left...then she can walk away. That's the only way I can do it, the only way I can walk away whole, complete...they only way I'll ever be able to love again, or have faith in love...
You took the words right out of my mouth. It almost seems like i could've written it because it's exactly how I feel. Every stone unturned. I will fight until I have no more fight left. I'm with you on that one. Good post.
Re: If no love left let them be free! 
