Can't read his actions and words!

Country Apple · 01-09-2011, 01:16 PM

Ok, I need some advice on my husbands actions. We have been married for 2 1/2 years and he is from South America. We have been separated for 3 months because he told me he doesn't love me, was bored in the marriage, and doesn't want to save the marriage. He stopped coming home and I kicked him out of the house a week before Christmas because I found his car at another woman's house and while I was there she brought his clothes out to him... Although he claims to not be cheating and has been living there since then.

After this happened, he would constantly call me and tell me how miserable he was because I took away my car and removed him from the joint bank accounts. He would tell me he missed me but when I asked if he wanted to come home he would say no that he hates where we live and wants to move. I refuse because we don't have the money and I don't want to be stuck in an apartment with him if he doesn't start acting better.

This week I presented him with papers for a divorce and he refused to sign them and wouldn't give me a reason. He also told me we weren't breaking up. What the heck? He is living with another woman and has not made one attempt at reconciliation and even tells me he doesn't love me.

Today he sent me a message and asked if we could hang out. I said no. Then he said he wanted to come home, but there was still no remorse for the wrongs he has done or any deceleration that he loved me. When I told him that we were completely over he said he would try to reconquer me.

So I am wondering is my husband completely confused or is he just trying to manipulate me? Or am I being too stubborn and should meet with him?

Thanks!

Atholk · 01-09-2011, 01:22 PM

You sure you're not just a way to a Greencard for him?

Country Apple · 01-09-2011, 01:24 PM

No that is not the case.

LonelyNLost · 01-09-2011, 04:20 PM

Hmmm, they say women are confusing! I have no idea what his actions and words mean. You guys need to go somewhere, sit down with NO outside distractions. Just the two of you. And have a heart to heart. Figure out what's going on, what are the problems, is it something you can work on, etc. I would definitely meet with him. Time to clear the air.

Country Apple · 01-09-2011, 04:35 PM

I definitely have many times, but he doesn't think my concerns are valid. I have never met any of his friends and when I ask to be included on some of his outings he never invites me. I also don't think it's appropriate for him to go to females homes let alone stay the night. It just doesnt look good....

LonelyNLost · 01-09-2011, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Country Apple

I definitely have many times, but he doesn't think my concerns are valid. I have never met any of his friends and when I ask to be included on some of his outings he never invites me. I also don't think it's appropriate for him to go to females homes let alone stay the night. It just doesnt look good....

I agree 100%. Something's fishy. What do YOU want?

Country Apple · 01-10-2011, 08:52 AM

I would love to have the man I married back but I just don't trust that he means what he says.

MAdadof1 · 01-10-2011, 09:56 AM

He was miserable because you took away the car and closed your joint accounts. He is living with another woman. This is not how someone who wants to be with you should behave.

You say you want to have the man you married back, but frankly it doesn't sound to me like the man you *thought* you married is the same as this man. You cannot be married to an idealized view of the man, but the man himself.

To me it sounds like he wants the financial benefits of staying married to you, while shacking up with someone else.

Ignore his words, but pay attention to his actions.

And - frankly it doesn't matter if he wants to be divorced or not. You can decide that for yourself, independently. I don't know the laws where you live, but typically if he refuses to sign the papers, you can have a sheriff serve the papers to him.