Grandbaby coming soon...
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 01-22-2011, 07:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
DjF
Member
 
DjF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 413
Default Grandbaby coming soon...

As said in other post, my wife and I have been separated since before Thanksgiving, she is living in an apartment with my daughter who is expecting our first grandchild in the next few weeks...

My wife and I are making great progress toward getting back together, and this may seem selfish, but how do I keep this progress going without it getting swept aside when the grandchild is born? My wife will be there helping with the day to day care of the grandchild, taking care of my daughter, and while I appreciate this, I don't want the progress we have made in our relationship swept aside and put on hold...

My daughter has some hold on her mom, manipulates her (the other day when my wife spent the night with me, my daughter called constantly wanting my wife to go back to the apartment) and I can't fight it right now...I haven't seen my wife in a week because she doesn't want to stray too far from the daughter...my daughter doesn't want to see me because she views me as a wedge between her mom and her...I just don't know how to battle this without seeming selfish....but I don't want our healing to be put on hold...am I being selfish?

when the time comes, I'll put the daughter in her place, but it isn't obviously now...


HELP!!!
DjF is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 01-22-2011, 09:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
DjF
Member
 
DjF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 413
Default Re: Grandbaby coming soon...

Thank you on the well wishes...

It isn't really an issue on rearing the grandbaby, it's more on keeping progress going on the reconnciliation moving forward while the wife is busy helping with the baby...I live 30 minutes away and can easily see our relationship being put to the side...

even worse, Great-Grandmama (my mother inlaw) is now in town so there is another body to keep attention away from the wife and me...I know it sounds selfish, but I feel there is a great chance I'll just be swept aside...
DjF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2011, 08:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4,725
Default Re: Grandbaby coming soon...

Quote:
Originally Posted by DjF View Post
As said in other post, my wife and I have been separated since before Thanksgiving, she is living in an apartment with my daughter who is expecting our first grandchild in the next few weeks...

My wife and I are making great progress toward getting back together, and this may seem selfish, but how do I keep this progress going without it getting swept aside when the grandchild is born? My wife will be there helping with the day to day care of the grandchild, taking care of my daughter, and while I appreciate this, I don't want the progress we have made in our relationship swept aside and put on hold...

My daughter has some hold on her mom, manipulates her (the other day when my wife spent the night with me, my daughter called constantly wanting my wife to go back to the apartment) and I can't fight it right now...I haven't seen my wife in a week because she doesn't want to stray too far from the daughter...my daughter doesn't want to see me because she views me as a wedge between her mom and her...I just don't know how to battle this without seeming selfish....but I don't want our healing to be put on hold...am I being selfish?

when the time comes, I'll put the daughter in her place, but it isn't obviously now...


HELP!!!
Itís really tough when a daughter or son truly interferes in a marriage. My younger sonís 35, heís mother never cut the apron strings and his interference was just way over the top. They talk about stuff they should never have talked about.

It is a very difficult situation. I gave up on my wife 12 months ago and just yesterday I gave up on my son. Itís tough but some things just are and thereís nothing that can be done about it.

They are now living together in an apartment, heís 35, sheís 59 and itís unbelievable.

I hope you find a way where I couldnít.
AFEH is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2011, 09:33 AM   #4 (permalink)
DjF
Member
 
DjF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Midwest
Posts: 413
Default Re: Grandbaby coming soon...

Thanks Pandakiss, just guess I need to sit down with my wife and make sure we are on the same page...

AFEH...sorry about your delima, but I won't be fighting this battle with my daughter alone...my 2 boys (young men) are tired of their sister's manipulations and have allied themselves up with me...they see how she controls their mom, to the point where they don't get much attention at times, and they see how she keeps mom away from me...It's going to be tough fighting this and still trying to keep the family together, but that is my goal!
DjF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2011, 03:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 4,725
Default Re: Grandbaby coming soon...

DjF,
If theyíre anything like my wife and son they wont see it is they who have the problem. Theyíre having a grand old life together, why should they do anything to change that? They will see you and your two sons as the ones having the problems.

These ďbondsĒ unhealthy and dysfunctional as they are, are years sometimes decades in the making. Perhaps from when your daughter first started out as a toddler. Think about it. I believe they are sometimes the strongest bonds between two people that exist in the world. A very big part of that is based on the emotional intimacy they share and have shared for a very long time. I donít think Iím going overboard when I say I look upon it as an EA between parent and son/daughter. Your daughter, like my son has probably been the third person in your marriage. A person trying to get your wife away from you. I consider it as a great parental disservice to the son or daughter involved as well as to the spouse.

So they have a very big emotional dependency on one another. If your wife has been feeding your daughter money, there will also be a very big financial dependency as well.

I have another son. Totally different. He is very financially and emotionally independent.

Bob
AFEH is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Never Saw It Coming Hit From Behind Going Through Divorce or Separation 4 04-23-2012 09:41 AM
Never saw it coming FINISH LAST General Relationship Discussion 4 04-14-2011 11:36 AM
My Husband -Uniterested / detached from my Grandbaby NY2NCwanda The Family & Parenting Forums 3 02-23-2011 06:53 AM
Is this coming to an end Anne1 General Relationship Discussion 6 11-23-2010 11:08 AM
How could I have not seen it coming?? Aurora Going Through Divorce or Separation 3 10-12-2010 06:10 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:40 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage