DjF

As said in other post, my wife and I have been separated since before Thanksgiving, she is living in an apartment with my daughter who is expecting our first grandchild in the next few weeks...

My wife and I are making great progress toward getting back together, and this may seem selfish, but how do I keep this progress going without it getting swept aside when the grandchild is born? My wife will be there helping with the day to day care of the grandchild, taking care of my daughter, and while I appreciate this, I don't want the progress we have made in our relationship swept aside and put on hold...

My daughter has some hold on her mom, manipulates her (the other day when my wife spent the night with me, my daughter called constantly wanting my wife to go back to the apartment) and I can't fight it right now...I haven't seen my wife in a week because she doesn't want to stray too far from the daughter...my daughter doesn't want to see me because she views me as a wedge between her mom and her...I just don't know how to battle this without seeming selfish....but I don't want our healing to be put on hold...am I being selfish?

when the time comes, I'll put the daughter in her place, but it isn't obviously now...


HELP!!!

DjF

Thank you on the well wishes...

It isn't really an issue on rearing the grandbaby, it's more on keeping progress going on the reconnciliation moving forward while the wife is busy helping with the baby...I live 30 minutes away and can easily see our relationship being put to the side...

even worse, Great-Grandmama (my mother inlaw) is now in town so there is another body to keep attention away from the wife and me...I know it sounds selfish, but I feel there is a great chance I'll just be swept aside...

AFEH

It’s really tough when a daughter or son truly interferes in a marriage. My younger son’s 35, he’s mother never cut the apron strings and his interference was just way over the top. They talk about stuff they should never have talked about.

It is a very difficult situation. I gave up on my wife 12 months ago and just yesterday I gave up on my son. It’s tough but some things just are and there’s nothing that can be done about it.

They are now living together in an apartment, he’s 35, she’s 59 and it’s unbelievable.

I hope you find a way where I couldn’t.

DjF

Thanks Pandakiss, just guess I need to sit down with my wife and make sure we are on the same page...

AFEH...sorry about your delima, but I won't be fighting this battle with my daughter alone...my 2 boys (young men) are tired of their sister's manipulations and have allied themselves up with me...they see how she controls their mom, to the point where they don't get much attention at times, and they see how she keeps mom away from me...It's going to be tough fighting this and still trying to keep the family together, but that is my goal!

AFEH

DjF,
If they’re anything like my wife and son they wont see it is they who have the problem. They’re having a grand old life together, why should they do anything to change that? They will see you and your two sons as the ones having the problems.

These “bonds” unhealthy and dysfunctional as they are, are years sometimes decades in the making. Perhaps from when your daughter first started out as a toddler. Think about it. I believe they are sometimes the strongest bonds between two people that exist in the world. A very big part of that is based on the emotional intimacy they share and have shared for a very long time. I don’t think I’m going overboard when I say I look upon it as an EA between parent and son/daughter. Your daughter, like my son has probably been the third person in your marriage. A person trying to get your wife away from you. I consider it as a great parental disservice to the son or daughter involved as well as to the spouse.

So they have a very big emotional dependency on one another. If your wife has been feeding your daughter money, there will also be a very big financial dependency as well.

I have another son. Totally different. He is very financially and emotionally independent.

Bob