1 week :(

Crankshaw · 02-03-2011, 12:00 AM

It is hot, humid and 15 years to the day when we got married, and I am having a real bad day

200k (160m?) from my 2 young sons (9 & 12) & wife, all who I love

I read the note she left me a few weeks back when I went away for a week at her (strong) suggestion. 'drive safely, txt me when you get there' and 'I do love you'

She had earlier told me ' I don't hate you, I am angry with you'

Been horrible over the last 6 - 8 weeks, she will be kind & friendly, and then it is like some one flicks a light switch and her whole attitude changes, like she forgets she is angry and then remembers.

One after noon, about 4 weeks ago, I offered to give her a back rub, which she accepted, at the end of it she initiates sex, caught me by surprise I can tell you !

Then the argument 2 weeks ago, the straw that broke the camels back and I tried to kill myself (car, exhaust), what she called 'the game changer'

The emotional roller coaster ride has been almost unbearable
1 week ago she tells me that either I leave, or she will take the kids and leave, I told her the only place I had to go was to my daughter (28), I would have to quit my job, that seemed to come as a surprise to her, she asked ' what will you do when you come back?' indicating, to me at least, that the separation was not going to be long term

What has she told me she wants?
'I want the old Crankshaw back'
'I do love you'
"I don't hate you, I am angry with you'
'You're not what I want in a husband or a father'

So, here I am, unemployed, living 200k from home, and all I want is to be able to go back home and pick up the pieces of my shattered life.
Yes, I am on Prozac for the depression.
Sometimes life just sucks

Oh, tomorrow I am probably getting a tattoo, a Yin Yan with the names of my 4 kids around it.

hopemom · 02-03-2011, 06:01 AM

I am sorry for your pain. It sounds like there is a lot of emotional chaos going on in that household. Maybe you can do some other things to even out your mood, exercise, yoga, counseling or supportive friends. Try to avoid rash decisions. Spend the tattoo money doing something nice for your kids.

vivea · 02-03-2011, 09:16 AM

She seems really angry at you for something, did you ask her what she wants from you?
Does she want to go to counseling ? Seem like she holds grudge and doesn't know how to let go...i was that person at one point of my life,it's hard to figure yourself out.

life123 · 02-03-2011, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivea

She seems really angry at you for something, did you ask her what she wants from you?
Does she want to go to counseling ? Seem like she holds grudge and doesn't know how to let go...i was that person at one point of my life,it's hard to figure yourself out.

My wife says she has a grudge against me as well.Its been 3 months and she still has it.How can she let it go?

life123 · 02-03-2011, 10:02 AM

I feel your pain.I have been away from my wife for over 3 months and she doesent want to talk to me at all.Im so lost without her.We had a great marriage and all of the sudden shes gone.Sorry I cant give you any advice.Im looking for some myself.Try and keep your head up.Trust me I know its hard..

gregj123 · 02-03-2011, 10:04 AM

Feel your pain brother go get some help talk to somebody. it helps

Rico · 02-03-2011, 10:33 AM

Crank, I am exactly in the same boat right now. I've been married 10 years and after a few years of neglect i ran over to another woman. My wife and I are going to go through mediation. But she is the same way, she would be completely ok and cordial and then something would happen and she would be venemous and angry. I feel your pain with the depression as well. On top of the fact that my marriage is breaking up, the woman (i should say girl, she is 24 and has no clue about life) has decided to be wioth her boyfriend who mistreats her. So I'm all alone holding the bag of all this crap and feeling depressed. It's all my own doing and I own everything but just wish that the wife remembered that I was also in the house. I'll deal with the whole divorce and move on but stay strong man. Hopefully things will get better for you.

vivea · 02-03-2011, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by life123

My wife says she has a grudge against me as well.Its been 3 months and she still has it.How can she let it go?

She has to understand what she is doing and she has to want to let go.It is hard!For me it helped to see that my husband can't take it anymore and i either let go of anger or my marriage goes to HELL,i don't want my kids to not have a family with their own Mom and Dad.I just had to forget and forgive....i'm not done yet but now i understand the situation and i can look at myself.I really had no idea what I was doing.

Crankshaw · 02-03-2011, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopemom

I am sorry for your pain. It sounds like there is a lot of emotional chaos going on in that household. Maybe you can do some other things to even out your mood, exercise, yoga, counseling or supportive friends. Try to avoid rash decisions. Spend the tattoo money doing something nice for your kids.

thanks, the tattoo is not costing me though.

Crankshaw · 02-03-2011, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vivea

She seems really angry at you for something, did you ask her what she wants from you?

'I want the old Crankshaw back' was what she said.

Quote:

Does she want to go to counseling ? Seem like she holds grudge and doesn't know how to let go...i was that person at one point of my life,it's hard to figure yourself out.

no, she has been what amounts to an EA for 18months with...

Crankshaw · 02-03-2011, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rico

Crank, I am exactly in the same boat right now. I've been married 10 years and after a few years of neglect i ran over to another woman.

no other women in my case.

Quote:

I'll deal with the whole divorce and move on but stay strong man. Hopefully things will get better for you.

Damn well hope so

Crankshaw · 02-04-2011, 03:03 AM

Just got off the phone from the boys, 1st day back at school for them and they both had a good time.

Hopefully I will be able to get to see them next weekend at some stage...

I have to wonder, if I was/am such a bad father why do they want to see me and hug me so much...

Crankshaw · 02-04-2011, 08:02 PM

on the bright side, looks like the house could go for as much as $525k, worse case split would be 60/40 (her getting the 60) so I might be able to move closer to my kids and buy a unit.

Crankshaw · 02-05-2011, 12:19 AM

well, that was a pleasant conversation with the (ex?) wife, posted, on facebook, that the house might have to be sold, smart thing to do, no, 12 yo son saw it and was upset, I called him, told him it may not happen, and I didn't want to sell, still, he is upset.
(ex?) wife gets on the phone, tries to tear me a new one (I have been the typical 'nice guy' for quite a while!).

'What the hell do you think you are doing' etc etc

I tell her that it is reality, if she has decided that she is not going to work on repairing the marriage the house will get sold.

She says 'your the one that tried to kill yourself in garage, did you stop to think what would have happened if you did and (12 y.o) had found you, I replied ' I was in a deep hole of depression at the time' she replies ' so thats going to be your excuse for everything' I told her no, I take responsibility for my actions. She buts in and says 'it was one pissy argument' I replied 'it was more than one argument, and you know that'

Has she decided? No Idea, in the heat of the moment she told me it was F***king all over, so I told her that if the case, she had better get the estate agents in.

Crankshaw · 02-05-2011, 07:20 PM

nice email from the ex greeted me this morning (written last night) telling me my credit card, mobile phone & toll pass have all been canceled. They are all under her name.

Do you think this means she is ending the marriage ?