Catmandu

My husband and I have been together for 9 years, married for 3. We have a 2 year old daughter. Everything with us was going well, except there was no passion and intimacy in our marriage. I really missed that feeling. One year ago I had an affair. It was devastating to my family and I still have nightmares about what it did to him emotionally. My husband and I have been separated and living in different places. He has another woman living with him in the house that we once shared. He started the divorce proceedings back in April of last year but has done nothing about it since. He tells me he is very angry and hurt and will never leave himself to be vulnerable so that he can get hurt again. He says there is no chance of us getting back together. But then he says he is unhappy with his life and current situation. That he doesn't love this other woman and will never marry her. Why wont he finalize our divorce? Is there a chance for the future? I feel as if I need to move on with my life, but I can't, because I have a feeling that maybe a couple more years down the road there is a chance we may reconcile. I love him so very much and I miss him. I know I have no right to ask him for anything. I know what I have done, I pay for it every single day. But we have a beautiful baby that I keep hoping will still have a chance at a normal life, and I know that with work we can work on us. But I feel as if I am wasting away. I don't know what to do I feel as if I'm stuck.

Rico

Cat, I'm on the flip side. My wife and I were experiencing the same issues of intimacy and affection. She became completely focused on our children, which isnt a bad thing but began to shut me out. She was either too tired from work or the kids and would fall asleep. Whenever I brought it up and told her that this was becoming an issue, things would get better for about a week or two and then just turn right back into what it was. I pretty much bit my tongue and let the issue continue while I became unhappier. I eventually met someone at work where it started off as friends and evolved into something else later on. Now I find myself getting the separation and after the OW was let go from here, the cloud lifted and i recognized my mistake of giving up on the marriage. Now, I plead to my wife to give me another chance and she refuses to budge in the least. Some people have told me to let her be and go through with the separation and let time decide. People have told me to just be myself and learn to have fun with her and even though she may see things like this now, that in time things may change. I feel the exact same was as you. I have two beautiful kids with her and I am trying to ask for another opportunity but she is as she says, done. So i feel your pain and the only thing I can tell you is what others have told me. Give it time and see where life takes you. Good luck.

Crankshaw

an all too common thing

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Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.

Catmandu

Thank you for the advice Rico. I think that's why it's so hard for me to move on, because I know in my heart of hearts I haven't given this enough time. It's nice to get someone else's input who is in this same situation. Nobody understands this position unless you are truly in the middle of it. It's awful. It's like you're starving so badly for this connection, it will make you insane. You will do anything to fill the void. But now that I am faced with the consequences, I have lost my family and the man I love, I will do anything to turn back the clock. Good luck to you Rico, I really hope it works out for you.

827Aug

April of last year is plenty of time for him to decide. Perhaps it's time to have a frank talk. Either you work on your marriage or get divorced. "Limbo Land" is not a healthy place to live either. I gave my husband one year, then I filed.