Lines-n-Circles

I've been reading these forums for awhile and many of the posts have been very helpful, so thanks everyone. But the one topic I haven't seen much about is how to deal with telling people about your separation/divorce.

My situation is pretty simple. Two great people that got married but focused to much on the material things like the engagement, the ring, the house, the wedding and not enough on our actual relationship. So after it was all over and there wasn't anything on the horizon to plan for everything changed. She also started traveling almost all of the time right after the wedding (only home every other weekend) so that among other things had a lot to do with the demise of our relationship.

Anyway, after a year and a half of marriage I decided to moved out in October because I was sick of being in that house alone. So I started renting a great place about 15 minutes from downtown. I'm focusing on "me" and so far I love it and am happier than I've been in a long time. We still talk every few days via text or the phone but all signs lead to divorce because there just doesn't seem to be anything there anymore.

I told my friends and family who were all very supportive. But I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to break the news to my co-workers.

I work in a medium sized office and work with a great group of people in my dept. We often work very late/long hours together so as you can imagine there is a lot office chit chat about life in general. I also take the same train as a few of them, so now that I have been taking a different one I've had to be sneaky about it. Because as far as they are concerned I'm still married and taking the train to my old house (even though I haven't been wearing a ring for four months although no one has noticed)

I'm sick of living in limbo and having to lye about things at home, but this isn't exactly appropriate office conversation that you just bust out in the middle of the day.

Have any of you struggled with this? Should I just tell one person who might understand the best and ask them to tell others? Or send an email to the few that matter?

Asking HR for help isn't an options because she is the most awkward personal imaginable and will only make things worse.

Thanks

PBear

I'm not that close with most of my co-workers, so this hasn't been an issue for me. I've told my bosses (it was kind of affecting my performance, sadly) and a couple of my closest co-workers. Anyone else can find out through the grapevine. But as I said, I'm not that close to my co-workers, and the only ones I might see outside of the workplace were told. I told them a month or so prior to moving out, but after I told my wife.

C

827Aug

This shouldn't be that hard. I imagine they are already figuring it out. They are probably just being polite and waiting for you to say something. At least that's what happened in my case. Just pick the one who is easiest for you to talk to. Let them know it is okay to tell the others. When I disclosed my separation to my employees, I told them I was having a very hard time and their prayers would be appreciated. That's also an easy way, if you are religious or spiritual.

Sakaye

I have only 3 co-workers and we're pretty close. Im closer to one than the other, so I told the one really close to me first. As the other is my boss, I told her a few weeks later. It really should come from you though. I don't know exactly how close you are to your co-workers, but Im of the reasoning that why do they need to know? Peoples lives are private and this is not a matter to go telling everyone about, know what I mean? Its really up to you WHO you want to tell and whether its a select few or eveyone in the office. And its according to your comfortability level. Im from a small town as opposed to a big city, so if one person finds out, it spreads like wildfire. There, at least you get to have some privacy. Good luck. I know it stinks to be lying about why you're not on the same train. But I bet you people have noticed the 'no ring' finger and are just waiting for you to validate whats going on. Im sure theres all kinds of speculations.
Posted via Mobile Device

believer

It is always somewhat of an awkward subject to talk about but if you feel comfortable if somehow it comes up on the office chit chat maybe you can mention it. If someone asks about your wife, you can say as a matter of fact, we are seperated at the moment & trying to work things out, etc. .
As a few have mentioned above, most people will be supportive of you. I know for me, I struggled with trying to keep up the cherade of being happily married as long as I could. But in the end once I started telling people it felt much better to not be living the "lie". And in my situation, everyone was supportive - I was afraid they would judge me. Also when I opened up, people shared situation about themselves or someone else they knew going through tough times & helped to know that I wasn't the only one.
I originally kept quiet as well because I still had that hope that we would work things out & didn't want others to know in case we were able to reconcile. Sounds like you are pretty sure the marriage is over but maybe if you are still holding that hope - that is holding you back from telling others?
Only you know & only you know what is going to feel most comfortable to you. But is is probably not making this elaborate scheme to cover things up that some co-workers may already have a hunch about anyways.
Believe it or not, once you start telling people, the easier it gets. It also gets you moving in the direction of acceptance that things are over & moving forward with you life.
Best wishes

Lines-n-Circles

Thanks everyone. We are pretty close in our office, not so much friends outside of work but we all play in our softball and bowling leagues together and go out for drinks after sometimes. So maybe I'll just mention it to one or two of them next time we are out having a drink.

I'm sure none of them will be surprised because they know how much she was traveling and we weren't see each other much. And I'm sure they suspect we have been having problems but I don't think they have any idea I actually moved out.

I know they will be supportive and it will be a huge weight off my chest. It's just getting over that awkward conversation moment!

Thanks again.