__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
I just want to text or email him this morning telling him he has the power to change all of this, we could have moved towns nearer to his work, had a fresh start, make all the changes we need to, to make us happy, happy like we used to be somebody help me Posted via Mobile Device
I just want to text or email him this morning telling him he has the power to change all of this, we could have moved towns nearer to his work, had a fresh start, make all the changes we need to, to make us happy, happy like we used to be somebody help me Posted via Mobile Device
could, shoulda, woulda.
If W had raised her issues with me when they first started we coulda sorta things out.
But that didn't happen, yes, I want to email her, but that wont be happening.
Story of my life. "IF" is the biggest little word...
Believe me, I go over all my own mistakes. I feel a lot of guilt about the things I did and didn't do over the years. But I've done a lot of good too, especially recently.
You don't have the power to change HIM. Only yourself! Yes, he has the power to take action, but he chooses not to. I'm having hard time accepting this with my husband as well ("WHY doesn't he do this? How can he want it to be like this?"). It's very frustrating but the sooner you realize that there is nothing you can do to change him, the better. You can only change yourself and your actions in response to him.
You need to focus on the GOOD things. You're alive. You're healthy (hopefully). It's time to move on onward and upward. Don't look behind..Look forward.
And don't email your husband. Stay strong! Take his address out of your computer and delete him as a contact. I did so that it wouldn't be so easy to hit that button and just have him come come up. Somehow the act of actually having to type in his name or number seems to help and often I just...stop.
Plus it made me feel better to hit that "delete now" button. If only life could be so easy..
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Hmmm i actually have a different approach...i don't give up until i see that there is really no hope...at all...
AmImad...i think you should may be agree to see him ,he asked you right...tell him what you have to say when you do...sometimes convincing could be good...sometimes guys don't think in perspective they just look back and are blind for what could be...i can see that my H. is like that ,he holds on to the past and won't let the possibilities for future, i have been explaining to him what our future could be...that things are possible... That it is worth trying....
if the conversation doesn't go your way at least you'll have a closure for now that you have really tried all the ways...
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Make a decision for yourself,look at all the angles and decide how will it make you feel and how you will react and just be ready for a big fat NO...once you are ready for that HE can't hurt you again...
Hmmm i actually have a different approach...i don't give up until i see that there is really no hope...at all...
But you do realize that you can't change someone else? Otherwise you will be banging your head against that proverbial wall and all you get in the end is a headache.
The trick is figuring out what you can change and doing it. As for "giving up". Hmm..my approach is to survive and then thrive. Plus, I have no problems sleeping at night.
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Yeah ..we can't forget that every persons situation is different...in my case i really have not much to change in H. ...we've had some struggles with him lying to me but i do take a blame in that as well...he is working on himself at the moment with a therapist so i'm good with that. I realized i can live with that,there is no perfect person...we'll get through that together.
Other than that i just have to win him back and possibly help him find his feeling for me...
So that is the only change i'm seeking from him at the moment...and only i can help with that..
Well, the fact that your husband is seeing a therapist is very good. It means he wants to help himself. So basically the ball is in your court! I guess you just need to be patient (famous last words!).
My situation is VERY different. Nothing much I can do but address myself and change on my end. My husband is what he is and he doesn't feel the need to change so I've got to accept that and deal.
So you are very correct. Every situation is different. I'm glad yours is starting to work out and wish you the best of luck. At least you have hope. That's the important thing.
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
I don't think meeting up with him at the moment is a good idea, Freaks right, I can only change me, I've told him til I'm blue in the face how good we were, how good it could be, fresh start everything... if he wanted me, then he'd be here wouldn't he? It's 4 months on Sunday, he's not asking to come home because he misses us, he's saying he's going to get a house share miles away from us... hey maybe that might wake him up, who knows? Today I was reading the 180 & I haven't been sticking to that at all. So I'm going to try.. hes texted twice today but I only replied when it was regarding the children. I'm so tired today after radiotherapy, and my friend wants me to get dressed up & go out tonight. All I really want to do is to be curled up in my H's arms on the sofa with him stroking my hair like he used to. But its not going to happen Posted via Mobile Device
Ohhh honey...my heart breaks for you knowing what you're going through with your health...
In your heart you know that it is not a good idea to contact him and see him...that is what is important...if you have that feeling than follow it...do the 180...see where that takes you...snuggle with your kids tonight,have them sleep with you...that is what i do when i miss him terribly...my H. would massage my feet while we watch something...my favorite... not happening for me also...at least not for a while...if ever...
__________________
I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
Thanks Dan for the snuggle (((hugs)))...so powerful isn't it.I have never though of a snuggle in that way...i'll never take it for granted...snuggling with your favorite person in the while world is the most amazing physical act ever...before i thought that making love is... even though it's pretty close i think snuggling and touching is waaay more powerful .
since my wife left, I've learned that I am a romantic...thought I was a rough and tumble stoic...but I can cry at any moment, any time when it comes to my wife...
snuggling is making love...the actual act of making love is just somethine we do to get to more snuggling...
__________________
I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
Thank you both, you know tomorrow, I could be on top of the world, be strong, feel like I don't need him. But today, I just want to be held.. Im gonna stay at my parents tonight. I don't want to be in my house on my own.
If Id have known then what I do now, I would have snuggled at every opportunity
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
I wish my parents were nearby so i can go anytime...They are on the other end of the world...worried about me.I have my brother and his family that lives half a mile away from me so he 's been an amazing support,him and his wife...we've gotten so close during this ordeal...if i have to move in 2 months i'll be heartbroken to not see them everyday but...whatever it takes...
If I didn't have them i would be in a mental institution probably....they have been an amazing support,they are here for me anytime of the day or night.
When my brother hugs me and tells me " everything will be just fine and i'll be here for you no matter what " ...this sentence moves mountains for me.
Go be with your parents as much as you can...
Re: Something.. 
I guess you just need to be patient (famous last words!). 
