I can't stop worrying
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Old 02-21-2011, 07:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I can't stop worrying

Some of you know my story, most of you don't. My husband moved out in September after 20+ years of marriage and three kids. He lived in an apartment for almost three months and then decided to come back home. Some of the old issues are beginning to surface again and I cant help but wonder every day, he walked out on me once will he do it again?

He still has the lease on his apartment it is up the end of this month although most of his stuff is back at the house he still has some things there. I have this huge burden on my chest that he is not home for good and he will leave me again. I can't seem to quit worrying about this, it is all consuming for me, how do I move on? The kids are talking about summer vacation and I can't seem to plan anything because I don't know if he will be here or not.

Why can't I just be happy that he is back
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Old 02-21-2011, 08:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

Poor you. He broke that trust, and that is going to take a lot of work to rebuild.

My husband has been gone a month, 10 years & 3 children.

Are you doing counseling?
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

SMO3, are you in counseling? You guys need to communicate. This is going to "eat you alive". You need to know what he wants and needs to be happy-----and vice versa.
Babyheart, hope you're doing okay.
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

Trust after that just takes some mad time. There is no shortcut to getting back comfort after that.
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

Gosh...it's hard isn't it...i know i will feel like that.
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Old 02-21-2011, 10:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

SMO3, definitely get counseling. If he won't go, go yourself. This is a lot to try to handle alone and your likelihood of success will improve with counseling. If nothing else, it will help you deal with the stress caused by the lack of trust.

For now, can you just tell yourself, "I'll worry IF it happens." You cannot live your life in fear of him leaving again--you need to develop courage so you know you CAN do it without him if you must. That will give you the strength to stand up for yourself and what you need, whereas fear will have you bending to his will until you break.

You deserve happiness, too, with or without him. When you find the strength to embrace that, you'll become a better partner--maybe not for him (if he can't handle it), but the beauty is, if you find that strength, you will be willing to see him go if he can't meet you 1/2 way. Many people stay in relationships out of fear, and if you get past that fear, a whole new world of opportunity opens up. Good luck!
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Old 02-22-2011, 10:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

Am hanging in there. Been busy with the bout of stomach flu running thru the kids here!
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Old 02-22-2011, 07:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

Thanks so much for the comments, I really appreciate it.

To answer your questions, no we are not in counseling. I know we need to go but with the extra 3K a month that his apartment is costing us it has pretty much drained us, I don't know how we could afford it. I am grateful his lease is us the end of this month so that will save us a lot of money!

We are having issues with our middle child being disrespectful to me and his teachers and he is failing most of his classes. This is new this year, he has always made good grades. My husband and I have totally different thoughts on how to handle our son. I am having a very hard time connecting with my son and getting through to him how important school is. He is under the impression that he will get through life on his good looks and his throwing arm, I am the one who grounds him and pushes him to do his homework and his Dad is the one to work on sports or just mess around with him.

I worry 24 hours a day about how to deal with my son and that my husband could up and walk out on me once again. I am going to loose my mind over here if I don't stop this worrying. It is killing me, I hardly ever smile any more, I don't laugh, I just seem to worry and cry.

I want so much for all of this to stop.
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Old 02-22-2011, 11:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

Hey...you've got the apartment for another week...call a time out for yourself and go spend the last week there...get some alone time to get your thoughts straight...

your son sees the divide between his parents, and he is going to try to use that to his advantage...your husband and you need to sit down and develop a plan to get him back on track together...if you can't do that, if you can't parent together...makes being husband and wife that much more difficult...parent as one, marriage as one!!!
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Old 02-23-2011, 03:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

DjF is right, time out can be a great idea.
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Old 02-23-2011, 06:48 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

I think it would be good for you to go to the apartment. Have a mini vacation, bring a friend, movies, books, whatever. Pamper yourself (even though I know this is the last thing you want to do, you need to do something for yourself)

Your son is acting that way because of what is going on with you & your husband. You need to become a team & get him back on track. United front.

Have you guys been talking to each other? You absolutely have to to keep the old issues under control. He came back for a reason. You both have to work on it.
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Old 02-23-2011, 08:06 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I can't stop worrying

I like Babyheart's advise-----you have to do something to make yourself feel better.
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