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Old 03-10-2011, 07:14 PM   #271 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

Oh, and not to bring up something unpleasant...But if you haven't already, make sure you check your life insurance policy and don't have him as the beneficiary. I'm serious. Make sure your KIDS get the insurance money in the event something happens to you. Write a will and cut him off from any of your property. You don't want him getting a DIME.
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D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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Old 03-11-2011, 01:59 AM   #272 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freak On a Leash View Post
Well, this might not be the best thing to say..but he did you a BIG favor. You now know his TRUE colors. He's not "confused" or "hurt" or "scared". He's a dyed in the wool AHOLE!! A big a*ss FU*K who does nothing but commit adultery and walk all over everyone else due to his selfish desires. Hopefully he'll catch some sort of communicable disease and his penis will fall off and he'll die broke and alone.


Yeah I am hoping for that too, I just don't know how and why he has turned into this person, but whilst he is this person I want absolutely nothing to do with him, he has shown his true colours.

Blew off his kid's birthday to screw around with another woman? Nice.

What can I say? He clearly loves his kids more than anything... the fact that I told him to take me to court to see them, as I wasn't having his lieing arse around them and he's hurt them and he just said ok... He won't bother taking me to court, this will be easier for him to just walk away... well my kids have me, they don't need him. He was a **** father anyway. Harsh? But true..

Treats his sick wife like dirt and spits all over her when she's down? Real nice.

He clearly doesn't care, he's not my knight in shining armour, more like a tosser in tinfoil...

And to START this mess: He went off to AUSTRALIA and abandoned his family? Oh yeah, he's a prince!

But don't forget that's all MY fault he did that....I made him board the plane then f*ck that ugly b*tch.. and now this.. he can't be arsed to make an effort with his marriage, but he can chase some skirt and put the effort in there. I hope to God the unsuspecting female see's him for him before it's too late.. but then maybe it is me, away from he's he's probably the perfect gent.. the man I fell in love with.

Now YOU KNOW. Stay the F away from his sorry a*ss! You are doing GREAT. Giving him that ultimatum was AWESOME! Telling him to mail the present! Double awesome!! Keep hanging up on him. Don't respond to ANY of texts or calls. Next thing you SEND HIM are the papers to divorce him.


I did send him one last text saying "When you send her gift, please enclose your wedding ring, you don't want to be married to me, it means nothing to you (Our wedding rings are engraved they aren't worth a cent) and I'd like to keep them for our kids. Thanks.
He hasn't replied, I don't really expect him too, he'll either send it because he is serious it's over or keep it to piss me off. a month ago, he said he I can't have it because it's his and it means something to him BOLLO*KS


Get yourself a lawyer and sue him for every dime he's got for child support. Let him have it!!

What a !! YOU GO GIRL!!

I can't deal with divorce right now, too much on my plate, want to get through the hospital crap first. I just feel so sick about it all, he can chase some tart, whilst my life maybe f*cking hanging in the balance.. his wife.. not just some aquaintance, the person he went through everything with in the last 15 years... the person he was meant to love... and now the tears...
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-11-2011, 04:34 AM   #273 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

Well to rub salt into my already gaping wounds, he has said No, im not having his wedding ring, it's his, it's in the box with his cufflinks, the one I bought him in Dubai for our 5th anniversary... Nice that he added that bit.. the box I bought him 2 weeks before he started talking to that ****.
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-11-2011, 07:41 AM   #274 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

Let him have the blasted wedding ring. Tell him to keep it and shove it up his arse! And don't ask him for anything else like that. It makes him think you still care. You have to start acting and showing him that you don't care..Only then can you finally reach the point where it becomes reality!

BUT FIRST send him THIS song....YouTube - Bullet for my Valentine - Alone [Lyrics on screen]

No more I'm taking this hatred from you
You make me feel dead when I'm talking to you
You take me for granted when I'm not around
So burn down your bridges too

I'm not going down (down)
This time I will be heard
I'm not gonna burn
It's funny how the table, how the table turns

You fake (fake!) goddamn nation
You break (break!) for salvation
'cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone

I hope you're unhappy and hurting inside
I want you to choke when you swallow your pride
Lay in your coffin and sleep with your sins
Give me the nails and I'll hammer them in

Right now
This time you won't be heard
You are gonna burn
It's funny how the table, how the table turns

You fake (fake!) goddamn nation
You break (break!) for salvation
'cause your heart is made of stone
You can die and rot alone


Remember..cut him off. Eventually he WILL fade. Now it's time to look out for number 1..YOU and your kids!

I understand about the divorce part. Let him stew. Take one step at a time. Look after yourself first then move on.
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D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now

Last edited by Freak On a Leash; 03-11-2011 at 08:05 AM.
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Old 03-11-2011, 07:46 AM   #275 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

He has tried to call again, left me a vmail, like he would a business associate, asking me to call him back, to discuss, the kids..

Do I tell him I have nothing to discuss? Ignore?

Freak I have copied and pasted that and put it in an email, I am just not ready to send it yet..
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-11-2011, 07:52 AM   #276 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

JUST send him the song when you are ready. Nothing else. It'll send him the message.

DO NOT answer his emails or texts. Let him rot, just like the song says. Let him stew and wonder. IGNORE HIM. Do not DISCUSS anything. That's giving him something he WANTS. You don't want to do that!

He knows he has you off balance and is looking to take advantage of this. It's a control thing. THAT is why he's bothering you now..while you are weak and confused. Notices how he always barrages you with emails and texts whenever you show some backbone?

He's scared in his own way and you need to capitalize on that. Start thinking like a general in a battle and less like a desperate housewife. Be like a poker player and NEVER show your hand or indicate what you are thinking or what you are going to do. It'll drive him nuts because whatever the reason, he DOES care. Use that to your advantage.

You have to be strong and focus on YOURSELF. You have a lot coming up in the next few days and the LAST thing you need to do is get more stirred up by anything he says or does. All he is interested in is being petty and getting at you. If he really cared about you and the kids he would NEVER pull this crap now, at this point in your life.

If he was concerned about you he wouldn't be throwing all this crap at you NOW. He is totally without any empathy or compassion. For you to even acknowledge him is to show him too much compassion!
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D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now

Last edited by Freak On a Leash; 03-11-2011 at 07:58 AM.
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Old 03-11-2011, 08:02 AM   #277 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

Eventually, once the dust settles and YOU are ready you can get around to "discussing" things. If he cared so much about your kids he wouldn't so readily have blown off his daughter's birthday. Why should you make things easy for him?

Let him destroy himself...and he will. Your kids will get older and as he pulls these stunts they'll come realize what kind of person he really is. He will dig himself his own grave...you'll see. But you can't give in. It'll happen on his own.

When it comes to visitation..let HIM worry about it. You just worry about YOURSELF and what YOU need. It's time that you start doing that.

Stay away from him and when the time is right you get legal advice. Then you have your lawyer talk to him and stay out of the loop and rebuild your own life. Don't get down in the pit with him..stay above the fray!
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D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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Old 03-11-2011, 08:15 AM   #278 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Freak On a Leash View Post


He knows he has you off balance and is looking to take advantage of this. It's a control thing. THAT is why he's bothering you now..while you are weak and confused. Notices how he always barrages you with emails and texts whenever you show some backbone?


I did notice that tbh, but it's about the kids, so that's why I wondered. I don't actually want to talk to him, it's hard enough hearing his voice on the vmail! I know I can't back down, this is about his kids.. but then he didn't give a flying f*ck about them when he left and went to the other side of the world and planned a new life without them..

He's scared in his own way and you need to capitalize on that. Start thinking like a general in a battle and less like a desperate housewife. Be like a poker player and NEVER show your hand or indicate what you are thinking or what you are going to do. It'll drive him nuts because whatever the reason, he DOES care. Use that to your advantage.

Why should he be scared? He chose this, he could have come home, worked his nuts off for his family, but he didn't why? Coz it seemed too much like hard work.. his ill wife.. not worth the hard work.. even to see the kids everyday.. he said it's not the kids, it's me. Ok I can be awkward and moody sometimes, hey can't we all, but i've realised my faults, yesterday he said "Ohhh yeah you're changing, can reeeeally see it.." because I argued back.. he's not going to see any bloody changes because he's not at home working on 'us' and providing a happy home for his kids to live in..He's moaned constantly about money that he's so hard done by, he has to get somewhere else to live and he can't afford to have a place where the kids can stay.. I told him, it's his choice to move into London, there are towns closer to us where he could rent a property... This is all his choice! He has a gorgeous home, an amazing garden, he's giving it all up rather than working for it.

You have to be strong and focus on YOURSELF. You have a lot coming up in the next few days and the LAST thing you need to do is get more stirred up by anything he says or does. All he is interested in is being petty and getting at you. If he really cared about you and the kids he would NEVER pull this crap now, at this point in your life.

Yet he still says he cares... of course he does.. I still don't know if he's actually got another woman or it's because he thinks I have someone else, he acts like a child

If he was concerned about you he wouldn't be throwing all this crap at you NOW. He is totally without any empathy or compassion. For you to even acknowledge him is to show him too much compassion

Well in fairness he never had empathy, compassion to begin with, his aspergers is a real issue with that, but over something like this you'd think it would affect him a little more.. but it hasn't.. He said he would take the day off for me on Monday.. What does he want a f*cking gold star.. what about the rest of the time? When I am recovering and can't drive my kids to school, cook them dinner, wash and iron their school clothes..etc etc .. I am having to stay at my parents house and my Mum is having to do it for me.. Because she loves me and cares for me...
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-11-2011, 08:30 AM   #279 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

It's NOT about the KIDS. It's about HIM controlling YOU. It's about his wanting to call the shots and make up the game plan. Don't you get it?

If he cared about your kids he wouldn't be having affairs. He wouldn't' be dragging the sick mother of his kids through the mud. He wouldn't have BLOWN OFF his daughter's birthday to go screw another woman.

He's just SAYING it's about the kids because he knows that YOU care about the kids. He knows it's your weakness so he's doing his best to use it to his advantage!

IGNORE him. Your kids need a STRONG mother and you need to take care of yourself so you can take care of him. He only looks out for himself. Haven't his actions proved that?

What is left for him to do? Take a gun and shoot you and the kids to convince you?
__________________
D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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Old 03-11-2011, 08:37 AM   #280 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

This aspergers is a real problem. I often wonder how someone like that can BE in a loving relationship. You can't apply the same standards to him as you would with a "normal" person.

You gotta stop wondering and worrying about HIM. It's enough. Start worrying about YOU. You have to let him go! How many times are you going to let him trample you? When he's dancing on your grave?

The time to wonder and worry about WHY he is doing all this is over. He's DONE it. He's going to CONTINUE to do this as long as you let him.

You have a lump in your breast. Do you wonder and debate about leaving it there to fester and eventually kill you? No, if necessary, you'll have it removed, right? Then you'll undergo treatment to make a recovery.

The situation with your husband is NO different! He's a cancer that's making you sick and killing you! You need to do the SAME thing and get him out of your life so you can get better and move on. Don't DWELL on the why and why nots...only on the HOW you are going to deal with this!

Hate to say it, but your lump and your husband are both the SAME thing except one is physical and one is emotional but both can and will kill you if you let it.
__________________
D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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Old 03-11-2011, 08:44 AM   #281 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

I do understand what you are saying Freak, I know he's just trying to get me to talk under the ruse of the children, but part of me wonders if he was going to tell me he's cancelled his plans to see his children and celebrate our daughters birthday with us? But I suppose if that's what he wanted to say he could send me an email or text saying such.. and he hasn't...

He keeps threatening to stop all monies to us, including the rent, I've told him to do it, as I'll just get the csa to take it all.

I don't want to text him, I want him to think "Sh*t she's serious this time, she's not giving in, I can't walk all over her, I am losing her as she's losing interest.." It'll either be that or he just wont give a crap.. and he'll carry on living his life for him.

I do feel like a complete b*tch for not allowing him to come at all this weekend, it our daughters birthday after all, but I can't spend any time with him, knowing he is then going to go off and see 'her' if 'she' even exists..?! But I can't do it, I can't play happy families. I am going to take my babies out and given them a great day! Im going to take lots of pictures.. he won't be able to see them, but I'm gonna have the memories, and his family members on my facebook will see them, and see that he's not there.. Then sure he can go and blame me, I don't let him do anything do I? I forced him to leave.. silly me...
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-11-2011, 08:54 AM   #282 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

With the aspergers, given the right love, they thrive, my 7 year old is amazing, he hugs me, tells me he loves me, all because of the effort and work that I put into him. Theu need to learn to conform.. That's what Liam struggles with..

What has really shocked me, is that he's going out to pubs/clubs and God knows what else, he hates to socialise, he hates loud places and it really stresses him out, like he'll seriously lose the plot over it.. and not want to stay for long, he's not great at meeting new people and finds it difficult to read social cues.. *shrugs*

He does have an amazing personality.. when he's not this arsehole that's taken over my H's body and mind.. he is so bloody intelligent, can remember every fact going.. you don't need Google with him around.. he has a great sense of humour, he and I are so similar in so many ways, and he's seemingly forgotten all of this and I am the evil wench that's ruined his life...

I suppose if he has found someone else, and he is the same man I fell in love with, they've struck gold, it's just such a shame he couldn't work as hard on his wife and kids.


I still don't think the enormity of the situation has struck him yet, I think he's just thinking ahhh she'll be ok, she always is, just bounces back... he says he's ashamed of himself.. but he's not, I doubt he'll hit 'rock bottom' and realise what he's lost out on, he may miss us at some point but he'll shrug it off.. I can't believe that 7 months ago, we were so in love, sat on the most amazing beach, watching the sunset, kissing..
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

Last edited by AmImad; 03-11-2011 at 09:02 AM.
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:13 AM   #283 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

Freak is so right, you need to stop speaking to him, he has all the control if you do. my stbx does the same thing. example, last night my son told me my ex sil was pregnant, I wanted to find out for sure so I called stbxh and said is sue preg, he said oh yeah i forgot to tell u, he said let me call you right back, i said no you dont need to call back, you answered my question, he insisted on it, I told him no you dont need to and I hung up, 5 minutes later he was calling, he called a few times I never answered.


He came to pick up my son last nite to take him for ice cream, my son and I were upstairs I was laying in bed reading and son on his puter, stbx comes and just walks right upstairs into my room, hey whats up. (the house is still ours) but see he thinks he still has control of everything. I am moving the 24th of this month into my own place and its gonna kill him as he wont be able to just hang around like he does here. I will let him see the place once, tell him to take a good look its the last time your coming in, he will think nothing of sitting here for an hour. its all control. you need to let go and if its meant to be it will be. he needs to know you might want him but you dont need him. we have a sick cat and I asked stbx if he would take him to live with him as I am gonna be renting and he throws up and I dont want him to ruin anything, well stbx wouldnt, now cat has doctors appt today, stbx calls yesterday asks what time the appt is cause he has his own doc appt tom, i told him and said your not coming, there is no need for you to be there, he said I want to know whats wrong with him, i said they will do blood work and I wont find out for a few days and i will tell you. he went on to ask again what time it was. I gave him the wrong time. really, he dont want to take him to help me out but wants to be at the appt. its all bull.

your husband is gonna use the kids as his excuse to get to you. mine does it everyday. I told him if he wants to dicuss our son leave a message about it and if i think its important enough to call you back i will, but i wont take nonsence calls. monday i had a tooth pulled, he called my house i was on the other line so didnt pick it up, told son to call him from my cell, soon as son hangs up with stbx my home phone starts ringing, its stbx, i answered he says should you be talking on the phone, you just had a tooth pulled. really, i said I will be going outside in 5 minutes to throw a ball around with son, i think i can talk on the phone. he gets so pissed when i have my son call him from the cell cause he thinks i am on the phone with another guy. last week i didnt answer and had son call from cell and he called me again and said why do you do that, i said what he said have him call from the cell, you can click over and give him the home phone is you call so imortant you need to have him call from the cell, i said yup, what is the big deal which phone he calls from. unreal. but 20 yrs of controlling is hard to let go i guess. so see i never begged, cried or pleaded for him to come home, i never really call him unless it has to do with son, and mostly I handle things myself with son, but he now looks like the one that is misssing me.
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:16 AM   #284 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

please they all start doing things they never did, in the 20 yrs we were together we never went to church, now he went wed for ashes with his mother, he all of a sudden found god. we had a cross his mom bought us hanging on the wall and yesterday while packing, i took it down and put it aside for him, when he came to pick son up i told him the cross is on the table he said you can have it if you want, i said no you take it your gonna need it more than me. he didnt like that to much.
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Old 03-11-2011, 09:16 AM   #285 (permalink)
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Default Re: Seriously..

Send him a text that says "All essential communication about the children needs to be through email or text." You are far less likely to be emotional and can take your time to respond.

And PLEASE make sure you don't get yourself in trouble by threatening to keep the children away from him. He will hold that over your head if he gets tangible proof that can be shown in court. On the other hand, if you have proof of his affair, refusal to see the children, threats to keep money from you and the children... KEEP THEM. I know you're still hoping for reconciliation, but there's no harm in protecting yourself.
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