No, I wish my husband would drop dead a lot. I think THAT is evil. It pisses me off that after all the crap he did to us he is now sitting home with a bank account full of money and taking the summer off, drinking and smoking his inheritance away. I guess it's poetic justice that he's so F*cked up he can't even enjoy it. At least when I spent money I enjoyed myself.
Your husband is a jerk and anything bad that happens to jerk is poetic justice. I'd just gloat and enjoy it. I hope he was stuck by the side of the road like you were. Wouldn't it have been great if he had called you? Oh THAT would've been GOOD!!
If anyone deserved it, he did. Too bad his engine didn't catch on fire.
Yeah to be honest I have thought the same a few times, I am going through these love hate stages. My H earns a shed load of £ and can go off and do whatever he wants with it, the money I have goes on bills and the children, anything left and yeah I'll treat myself, he's bought himself a new wardrobe of clothes, I've had to get some bits as I've lost so much weight, then he noticed I had new shoes!
I doesn't seem fair that he seems to get off scot free, he's happy, moving on. He's just said he's going to steal the pics off my fb page of his children... he'll probably delete me after that *shrugs*
He's chatted to me, briefly, I've been polite, answered his questions, but not been overly friendly. I am trying to keep emotions out of it. This is my first day, my first baby steps, am I doing the right thing? The thing that has pissed me off is he hasn't asked after his kids!
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
You can't worry about what he does with the kids anymore. That's HIS problem. You aren't his mother. Let him deal with the kids on his own terms and you do what's good for you and them. They will have to learn sooner than later what kind of father they have. You aren't doing them any favors trying to keep this from them because they will have to make decisions on their own about what kind of relationship they will have with their father.
Keep your contact cordial, friendly, polite, but distant. Again, like the 180 says.
Time to start thinking about support. Does he help you at ALL financially? It isn't fair that you should carry all the monetary weight while he just sails along seeing the kids, enjoying their company and not paying a dime in support.
My husband does pay our health insurance, which comes to $1500/month..about $375 a week. I don't know if I'd get much more in child support than that. He has helped out with some other major expenses, like moving, buying my futon, paying to get my Jeep fixed etc. But nothing I can count on and I know that if I need any more money from him it'll be a fight. He thinks I deserve to do this because of my actions in the past, when he was the main wage earner. It's his way of getting payback. If I'm "nice" he will decide if I "deserve" anything.
So, I pay for everything else:.the rent, the car insurance and gas, the bills, the food, the kid's lunch and medicine, the haircuts, the clothes, the allowances, etc. I'm starting to think that things are a bit inequitable here. Still mulling this over... I get all sorts of advice on things and I am slowly trying to put things together as to what my next step will be and if it'll be worth the hassle, time and stress.
The other day he talked about buying my daughter a car. She'll be driving in July and is working to save for a car. He was talking about buying a NEW car outright. Asked if I could put in $1000 and he'd pay the rest. I said I'd gladly do it but as we were talking about it I was skeptical because he's so moody and unreliable and right away he wants to assume control. The car will be in HIS name. HE will get insurance for it, etc, etc. I was willing to overlook this because my daughter having a new car would be a wonderful thing. This past Friday night we talked about going to do some car shopping on Saturday and he said "I'll call you and we'll make arrangements to get together."
Then he didn't even SHOW UP to pick up my son on Friday night after he called and said he'd "be right over". No word from him on Saturday either so I took the kids to the mall and went shopping for some clothes for them, got my son a hair cut and just went on with our day. Never heard from him, even though my son left several messages on his voicemail.
On Sunday at 6pm he calls me and asked why I didn't call HIM? Then says that since "no one cares" he's not going to spend the money on a new car for my daughter. Yeah, like he was going to do it anyway...
So punish my daughter for some perceived wrong on my part? Because for ONCE no one was calling him repeatedly and running over to see what was wrong with his sorry a*ss? Good thing I never even THOUGHT about telling her. Now THAT is evil!!
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Last edited by Freak On a Leash; 03-15-2011 at 08:17 AM.
Yes, he does give me maintenence, he's tried saying he wouldn't pay etc, thats when I said fine, I'll see him in court and he wont be seeing the kids... He then put £ in my account.
This is so hard, knowing he's just sat there at his pc and I could be talking to him, we always got on so well, same sense of humour etc, but I am ignoring him as best as I can, it's all been business talk.
Your H is an arse too, what is wrong with these men?!
I wish I knew what was going through their thick skulls? My H is loving his single life right now, going out drinking with his mates, flirting, getting f*cked for all I know, with no nagging wife, or kids to pull him down. How can I ever compete with that?
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
NC is different when you have children and no one ever suggested she stop contacting him completely. I guess low contact is a better term if you want to get technical...
You've seen his mood swings. He's not happy at all. That much is clear.
But he wont let me help change that? SO what do I do, just keep moving forward without him? And let him lay in the bed he's made?
We've had a very brief conversation today
H: Sorting bank stuff now
M:Thank you very much
H:My car is f*cked.
M:Why?
H:The clutch went on the way into work
M: :O oh..Can it be easily sorted?
H:I don't know. It's at the garage now.
M:Hopefully it will be ok then.
H:Fingers crossed. How are you feeling today?
M:Very sore, very sick and very tired.
15 mins later..
H:Sorry, work stuff kicked off. Need to make another call then will finally sort out the bank. Then I will steal your photos of my kids.
M:Ok.
I haven't spoken to him since and is this acceptable?
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
But he wont let me help change that? SO what do I do, just keep moving forward without him? And let him lay in the bed he's made?
We've had a very brief conversation today
H: Sorting bank stuff now
M:Thank you very much
H:My car is f*cked.
M:Why?
H:The clutch went on the way into work
M: :O oh..Can it be easily sorted?
H:I don't know. It's at the garage now.
M:Hopefully it will be ok then.
H:Fingers crossed. How are you feeling today?
M:Very sore, very sick and very tired.
15 mins later..
H:Sorry, work stuff kicked off. Need to make another call then will finally sort out the bank. Then I will steal your photos of my kids.
M:Ok.
I haven't spoken to him since and is this acceptable?
borderline,
H:My car is f*cked.
Y.Like you.
ok, prob a bit nasty, but you get the idea, no need to be social
Your H is an arse too, what is wrong with these men?!
mid life crisis ?
Quote:
I wish I knew what was going through their thick skulls? My H is loving his single life right now, going out drinking with his mates, flirting, getting f*cked for all I know, with no nagging wife, or kids to pull him down. How can I ever compete with that?
You can't, so don't try, simple as that, but like most issues surrounding what we are going thru, easy said, harder to do.
But he wont let me help change that? SO what do I do, just keep moving forward without him? And let him lay in the bed he's made?
We've had a very brief conversation today
H: Sorting bank stuff now
M:Thank you very much
H:My car is f*cked.
M:Why?
H:The clutch went on the way into work
M: :O oh..Can it be easily sorted?
H:I don't know. It's at the garage now.
M:Hopefully it will be ok then.
H:Fingers crossed. How are you feeling today?
M:Very sore, very sick and very tired.
15 mins later..
H:Sorry, work stuff kicked off. Need to make another call then will finally sort out the bank. Then I will steal your photos of my kids.
M:Ok.
I haven't spoken to him since and is this acceptable?
Yes, just keep moving forward.
Your conversation involved your finances and they're still intertwined (correct?) so I don't see a problem at all. He asked how you were and you answered briefly, also not a bad thing. I'm glad you didn't take the "my kids" bait.
You're doing well. Continue with the short answers that get straight to the point and you're golden.
He's chatted to me, briefly, I've been polite, answered his questions, but not been overly friendly. I am trying to keep emotions out of it. This is my first day, my first baby steps, am I doing the right thing?
baby steps is what you need to take.
Quote:
The thing that has pissed me off is he hasn't asked after his kids!
can't understand that, I send a txt to W most nights, just saying 'say goodnight to Dan & Jus for me, and give them my love, thanks' Don't know whether she does or not though.
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Your conversation involved your finances and they're still intertwined (correct?) so I don't see a problem at all. He asked how you were and you answered briefly, also not a bad thing. I'm glad you didn't take the "my kids" bait.
You're doing well. Continue with the short answers that get straight to the point and you're golden.
He was transferring maintenence into my account, he just sent another msg saying it was all sorted, so I just said thank you very much.
I did think about the 'my' kids thing, but didn't rise to it I am trying very hard to control emotions...
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Quick question, I've decided that I am going to apply for some part time jobs, now I am starting to feel positive about my illness and such, should I tell him, or just go about it and let him find out through other means? x
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Quick question, I've decided that I am going to apply for some part time jobs, now I am starting to feel positive about my illness and such, should I tell him, or just go about it and let him find out through other means? x
You don't need to involve him.
It's better for him to find out through someone else that you're taking steps to better yourself or move on. He'll see that you're doing things for you and no one else.
If you've worked out child support you should let him know once you have a job so CS can be renegotiated. You don't want to appear deceitful.
Quick question, I've decided that I am going to apply for some part time jobs, now I am starting to feel positive about my illness and such, should I tell him, or just go about it and let him find out through other means? x
There is no need for him to know.
Took me ages to catch up on here. I am glad the surgery is over & things look good. Hopefully the samples will be good.
You should be proud of yourself - you have been through so much. Give yourself a pat on the back girl
Re: Seriously.. 
It pisses me off that after all the crap he did to us he is now sitting home with a bank account full of money and taking the summer off, drinking and smoking his inheritance away. I guess it's poetic justice that he's so F*cked up he can't even enjoy it. At least when I spent money I enjoyed myself. 
I get all sorts of advice on things and I am slowly trying to put things together as to what my next step will be and if it'll be worth the hassle, time and stress. 
Then says that since "no one cares" he's not going to spend the money on a new car for my daughter. Yeah, like he was going to do it anyway...
