I deleted my whole acct so i cant see much on his now...not that he was very active but he has accepted some new people and old crushes
My brother is still his contact though,i know that i can see if i want to but i prefer that i don't have an access on my computer at anytime...i'm not tempted that way
So I guess that means I can't try chatting you up on FB now
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
So I guess that means I can't try chatting you up on FB now
I'm thinking of opening up another one,just for close family and friends... i get so much support from you guys i fee like all i want to do it chat with you all day.
Will let you know when I open another one!
Not very active on there though...waaaay more active on here..
OMG AmI...i really have no milk in the fridge...completely forgot to buy...will stop at Walmart ...going with the kids to an OSCARS party...just for a little though but it should be fun for an hour or two.
I'm thinking of opening up another one,just for close family and friends... i get so much support from you guys i fee like all i want to do it chat with you all day.
I know what you mean .
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Will let you know when I open another one!
Not very active on there though...waaaay more active on here..
Doesn't matter, look forarwd to seeing you there.
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OMG AmI...i really have no milk in the fridge...completely forgot to buy...will stop at Walmart ...going with the kids to an OSCARS party...just for a little though but it should be fun for an hour or two.
Just got back from the shops, been a lousy day here
Have fun at the party.
H called me today, he said he was worried about me, he cares, that he hadn't asked me coz he was a chicken **** and didn't think I would talk to him BLAH BLAH BLAH... I had a proper old moan off, didn't hold back and worry about upsetting him (which in the past I never did) I asked him if he's considered if I will eventually find someone else and that person would be bringing up his kids. he said of course he has, I asked if he was ok with that, he said "No of course I am not!" I askd why isn't he doing something about it then.. he said "He can't come back just because of the kids"
There was alot of other crap said, he also said if I didn't have cancer he would be coming to pick up the kids and drop them off, so he wouldn't be asking if I was ok etc.. I have told him to just do that..he said he doesn't love me, he's doesn't want me and can't see us ever working. I said I had to go and hung up, walked into my parents house and cried like a baby.
Later on I received this text: "Thank you for talking earlier. With us I'm not really sure what to say, but you've got your mysterious Valentine guy (If you remember ladies and gentlemen, I received 12 red roses and still don't know who they are from) and whoever it is he'll be better for you than I am. Thats part of the reason for distance. But everything else is true. I can't see there being an us and I don't know how to go from there.
My reply: If you don't want me, then I have to deal with it, if you don't have any feelings for me again I have to deal with it. I don't have anyone tucked away, if I did then why would I have tried to make it work? You've got your life now, how you want it. I'm really not your concern, you're right if I didn't have cancer you wouldn't be asking after me, so just act like that, you know how I feel, but that doesn't change anything.
His reply: No, I haven't got it how I want it. I struggle to find what the f*ck I do want but I know what I don't want. I do care about how you are though so let's just leave it there.
I just replied: Like I said, there's nothing I can do. You know what you want or don't want... Enjoy your day.
Not heard anything since.... WHAT DOES IT ALL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN!?
My head hurts.....
Ok just received a text... saying "Even if you don't know who Valentine was from there's still the "you know who you are" and "Could do with a hug from that one person" If there's someone else that you're stringing along or thinking of at the moment who am I to get in the way?!
ARRRRRGH It's him I want a hug from......!!!! All the FB comments are about him in a round about way!
I just replied: For someone so intelligent, you really are thick, It doesn't make any difference, I'm not who you want
Where are my forum friends today when I am on the verge of headbutting the wall?!
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Not heard anything since.... WHAT DOES IT ALL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN!?
My head hurts.....
It means that you just gave away the little power you had, AGAIN. You should not respond to him until he says "I'm ready to come home. What can I do to fix this?" He knows that you want him back regardless of his behavior. HE KNOWS YOU'RE SITTING THERE WAITING! Every time you reaffirm that you want him you're taking a step back. Eventually you'll hit a wall. I think it's closer than you think.
He is either legitimately done with the relationship, in which case you need to get yourself together and move on OR he's trying to have his fun while you're at home waiting, in which case you need to get yourself together and prepared to move on because you deserve better!
Do you see that your actions should be the same no matter how he's feeling? It's all about YOU right now. Figure out how you can be happy without him.
I haven't openly told him I want him back. He is thinking that I am talking about someone else, that I want to maybe be with someone else. Do you think there is some jealousy there?
Like I told him, none of it makes a difference, I am not what he wants.. he hasn't said "Yes you are, I am just an idiot and can't admit it" Etc....
He thinks I am getting on with my life. I told him I might be going away this weekend, he doesn't know where or who with... I didn't tell him when I went away last week and he asked the kids where we went, who we saw etc... he's the one offering up information as to where he is going.. I never ask him.
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
OMG AmI...WTF???!!!!!
My H. and your H. are mind twins...
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I asked him if he's considered if I will eventually find someone else and that person would be bringing up his kids. he said of course he has, I asked if he was ok with that, he said "No of course I am not!" I askd why isn't he doing something about it then.. he said "He can't come back just because of the kids"
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he said he doesn't love me, he's doesn't want me and can't see us ever working.
That is exactly what H. said in our conversation ,the same questions with the exactly same answers....
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I hate that he is trying to convince himself that you have somebody else,or someone is after you with the flowers....why does he care ??!!!!
or they want to separate from us and make us their nannies ...meaning...not to be with another man ever again and take care of their children while they enjoy life.
They don't want us but don't want another guy to want us....so weird. Why is he jealous if he doesn't love you ...i don't get that...
So sorry babe , i know exactly how you feel right now.
Stay strong...it'll be a while for both of us ....
We have to be strong,i wish i was there for you now....(((((HUGS)))))
OMG AmI...WTF???!!!!!
My H. and your H. are mind twins...
That is exactly what H. said in our conversation ,the same questions with the exactly same answers....
-----------------
I hate that he is trying to convince himself that you have somebody else,or someone is after you with the flowers....why does he care ??!!!!
or they want to separate from us and make us their nannies ...meaning...not to be with another man ever again and take care of their children while they enjoy life.
They don't want us but don't want another guy to want us....so weird. Why is he jealous if he doesn't love you ...i don't get that...
So sorry babe , i know exactly how you feel right now.
Stay strong...it'll be a while for both of us ....
We have to be strong,i wish i was there for you now....(((((HUGS)))))
Thank you Sweety, its so messed up isn't it?! I don't want you but no one else can... I'm keeping up with the 180,I didn't tell him how good we were, I didn't shoulder all thy blame, I stood up for myself, and I do feel a bit better for it. I still wish that he'd text/call & say well actually I do want you, but I'm do messed up, I don't know where to start, but I know its not gonna happen. Its me & the children from here on in... he's not happy... didums... he's made his bed now he can lie in it, he doesn't know what he wants... but he knows what he doesn't & that's me... so he can crack on... Posted via Mobile Device
*sigh* my daughter is listening to music in her bedroom, she's listening to MJ & akon 'hold my hand' she's singing, I know everyone boasts about their kids, but my 8 year old has talent seriously, I'm sat on my bed listening to her, see her daddy is missing out on this, just before he left, she learnt the Beyonce ava Maria song, my H & I were planning to renew our vows & she said she wanted to sing it when I walked down the aisle, he never got to hear her, he'll never realise how amazing she is Posted via Mobile Device
*sigh* my daughter is listening to music in her bedroom, she's listening to MJ & akon 'hold my hand' she's singing, I know everyone boasts about their kids, but my 8 year old has talent seriously, I'm sat on my bed listening to her, see her daddy is missing out on this, just before he left, she learnt the Beyonce ava Maria song, my H & I were planning to renew our vows & she said she wanted to sing it when I walked down the aisle, he never got to hear her, he'll never realise how amazing she is Posted via Mobile Device
Does anyone have any insight to my H's msgs, do you just think they are more mind games, to see if I am still waiting for him?..
Does he really care? Is he jealous?.. is he maybe thinking crap...
I wish I could take my brain out and give it a rest
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Re: Seriously.. 
