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Old 03-01-2011, 12:44 PM   #76 (permalink)
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Well in my case it's complicated because he lives 5 hrs away from us.
He either needs to come and stay over so he can see the kids or he needs to come and take them which is another complicated story because let's say he takes 3 days off from work.Day 1 he will be driving 5 hrs one way to pick them up and than 5 hrs back ..so that ois 10 hrs driving and the day is over.Day 2 will be the day they can spend together,and day 3 it's the same as day 1 .
Before he's said that he would like to pick them up (or rather pick up the older daughter ,she is 5 and the other one is 1) regardless of the drive and less spending time.
I don't know how we will handle this...i'm sure he is also confused how to approach the spending time with his kids...oh well his problem...
But if he decides to come over and stay...my God..what am I going to do..

Thanks for your help WhereAmI,i appreciate your advice.
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Old 03-01-2011, 12:56 PM   #77 (permalink)
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I just feel like I am in Catch 22, damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I love this man, I want to do what is right by my children and myself, him last.

I get conflicting advice, plan a, plan b, 180, no contact, be nice, be cold, show him you care, act like you don't care... be evasive and not tell him what's happening with the cancer, let him know what's going on with your illness.....

Can you see why I am so confused? I am sorry if I seemed short, but I am trying to get my head to work along side my heart, coz right now, the are working against each other.

I appreciate all the support and advice that I get from the people of TAM, I want my best friend, my lover, father of my children, my husband back, and he doesn't want to come back
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Old 03-01-2011, 01:22 PM   #78 (permalink)
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AmI..honey you made me cry again... listen now...we have to be strong...if we do no contact ...they should reach to us at one point...we just have to wait until that point...we just have to take day by day and wait...we have been waiting quite sometime already but we haven't done the NC and may be that is the secret...we have done the good things before,loving them ,pleading ,asking,texting ...everything ...and what did that bring us...absolutely nothing...zero...even worse i would say ....
we have to try the new tactic...it's the worst tactic for me and i don't know how am I going to survive it but we have to try it ...we just have to...begging them is not going to bring them back to us that is for sure...so let's see what 180 or NC brings to us...that's one thing I don't know and I'm willing to wait and see...
Let's do it together honey...i know we can...for our babies...
I have to tell you that today I was 3 times close to write an Email...i'm proud I didn't....i hope i can sustain my position but we can support each other and try it for at least a month and see if there is a crumb of success.
I miss H. tremendously...people say it's an addiction the way i feel about him...i was thinking today- no it is not an addiction...it's my life,it's my babies births it's my dreams ,my hopes,it's my everything...it's like i lost my identity ...where do I belong now...not here with my brother's family..not there with him...where do I belong...i feel like homeless
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Old 03-01-2011, 01:55 PM   #79 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivea View Post
AmI..honey you made me cry again... listen now...we have to be strong...if we do no contact ...they should reach to us at one point...we just have to wait until that point...we just have to take day by day and wait...we have been waiting quite sometime already but we haven't done the NC and may be that is the secret...we have done the good things before,loving them ,pleading ,asking,texting ...everything ...and what did that bring us...absolutely nothing...zero...even worse i would say ....
we have to try the new tactic...it's the worst tactic for me and i don't know how am I going to survive it but we have to try it ...we just have to...begging them is not going to bring them back to us that is for sure...so let's see what 180 or NC brings to us...that's one thing I don't know and I'm willing to wait and see...
Let's do it together honey...i know we can...for our babies...
I have to tell you that today I was 3 times close to write an Email...i'm proud I didn't....i hope i can sustain my position but we can support each other and try it for at least a month and see if there is a crumb of success.
I miss H. tremendously...people say it's an addiction the way i feel about him...i was thinking today- no it is not an addiction...it's my life,it's my babies births it's my dreams ,my hopes,it's my everything...it's like i lost my identity ...where do I belong now...not here with my brother's family..not there with him...where do I belong...i feel like homeless
We sound so alike. I am sat crying my eyes out right now. He just sent me a text saying the reason why he sent the texts yesterday was because of my facebook statuses made it seem like there was someone else, and I was waiting for him, then there was no point.

I just said "Ok, fair enough, thanks.

I've deleted him from facebook..

Got another msg saying "So is there?".... I haven't replied
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:02 PM   #80 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivea View Post
I miss H. tremendously...people say it's an addiction the way i feel about him...i was thinking today- no it is not an addiction...it's my life,it's my babies births it's my dreams ,my hopes,it's my everything...it's like i lost my identity ...where do I belong now...not here with my brother's family..not there with him...where do I belong...i feel like homeless
and I fell very very much the same, and now more tears
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:05 PM   #81 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmImad View Post
I've deleted him from facebook..
my W has restricted me to her page, I haven't done the same to her, if she doesn't want to see whats happening, she can unfriend me, her choice.

Quote:
Got another msg saying "So is there?".... I haven't replied
don't
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Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.

Last edited by Crankshaw; 03-01-2011 at 02:20 PM.
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:08 PM   #82 (permalink)
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[QUOTE=Crankshaw;264921]
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmImad View Post
I've deleted him from facebook.. my W has restricted me to her page, I haven't done the same to her, if she doesn't want to see whats happening, she can unfriend me, her choice.



don't
I don't intend too, I am not part of his life any more, he's made it clear he doesn't want me, I don't need to let him know anything about my life, all he needs to know about is the kids.

I REALLY HURT, all I want is a hug, and guess who from?
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:19 PM   #83 (permalink)
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OMG..the nerve to ask...is he deaf or blind....another man.....WTF?!
No do not respond,he knows the answer very well...he just wants an ego booster again...he wants" no there is no one else honey,i love only you" urrrrgggghhhhh
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:20 PM   #84 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmImad View Post

I don't intend too, I am not part of his life any more, he's made it clear he doesn't want me, I don't need to let him know anything about my life, all he needs to know about is the kids.

I REALLY HURT, all I want is a hug, and guess who from?
Me?

You're doing the right thing. Let him sweat. He'll probably text back with, "I'll take that as a yes." He's baiting you. Don't respond!
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:25 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmImad View Post
I don't intend too, I am not part of his life any more, he's made it clear he doesn't want me, I don't need to let him know anything about my life, all he needs to know about is the kids.
that is about right.

Quote:
I REALLY HURT, all I want is a hug, and guess who from?
the one person you can't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by vivea View Post
OMG..the nerve to ask...is he deaf or blind....another man.....WTF?!
No do not respond,he knows the answer very well...he just wants an ego booster again...he wants" no there is no one else honey,i love only you" urrrrgggghhhhh
Yes, an ego boost, or, more correctly, he doesn't want his ego trashed more than it already is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhereAmI View Post
Me?
stand in line

Quote:
You're doing the right thing. Let him sweat. He'll probably text back with, "I'll take that as a yes." He's baiting you. Don't respond!
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:28 PM   #86 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vivea View Post
OMG..the nerve to ask...is he deaf or blind....another man.....WTF?!
No do not respond,he knows the answer very well...he just wants an ego booster again...he wants" no there is no one else honey,i love only you" urrrrgggghhhhh
I'd already said to him I didn't have anyone else tucked away, if I did why would I have been trying to make us work?...
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:30 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Me?

You're doing the right thing. Let him sweat. He'll probably text back with, "I'll take that as a yes." He's baiting you. Don't respond!
Nope, he just texted saying: "Are we no longer friends on facebook? When did that happen and is there a particular reason?"

I haven't replied.. Should I? Saying I am out of your life or such like?
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:40 PM   #88 (permalink)
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Nope, he just texted saying: "Are we no longer friends on facebook? When did that happen and is there a particular reason?"

I haven't replied.. Should I? Saying I am out of your life or such like?
No! Only speak about the kids. He's panicking right now. It's already starting to work. Expect tonight to be difficult. If you don't think you can handle it shut off your phone NOW!

How long ago did you delete him? He seems to have caught on quick. That's a great sign that he still has feelings for you. Don't let that get in the way of what you're doing right now! He's not going to come back if he has no fear of losing you. Please remember that.
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:42 PM   #89 (permalink)
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"Is there a Particular reason"
Is he serious...heloooo..

you should respond "you removed me from your life,is there a particular reason?!"

Do not respond at all,he knows the reason....he just wants to hear you say ..i love you,miss you
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Old 03-01-2011, 02:55 PM   #90 (permalink)
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Vivea and AmImad - I have been reading your postings and my heart goes out to the both of you.

Stay strong. It has only been a month for me and I have good and bad days.

The both of you are holding onto what your husbands were and what you used to have together. You are holding onto what you know he can be and remembering all the good times. That is what is causing you the pain and sadness. You have to remember that the person before you today is not that person ANYMORE!! As with my husband, I don't even know who that man is today, he is a complete stranger to me!! That is not the man I married, as I am sure you can attest to the same thing. Would you have married this selfish, inconsiderate coward that is trying to string you along today? NO!!

Can he be that man again? Who knows...but you have to find a way to move on for yourself and your children. You have to be prepared for the inevitable.

All I can say for my husband today is that I am thankful that we had 15 years together. We had alot of good times, I am glad that I was loved by him at one time and that he gave me two beautiful children who without him I wouldn't have. As far as I am concerned I got the best of who he was. The other women can have the rest of the confused, weak, and selfish person he is today. That is how I am moving on. Thankful for the time we did have. I miss him terribly and want my best friend back, but the man I married, not who he is now. But I can't control him, anymore than you can control your husbands.

Know your self-worth!! You deserve happiness and you deserve to be treated with respect. You are both strong women, you just haven't tapped into your strength yet.

You gave birth to their children, stand up for yourself and say no more!! I deserve respect and I won't be treated this way!!

Best wishes to you both!! ((HUGS))
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