Hugs! It's so hard, isn't it? I guess you willed him to text, with your first post. I don't think we will ever fully understand things. I sit and go WTF all the time. I don't understand a thing he does or the things he doesn't do. Every night, I wonder how he could just do his thing without even telling me goodnight. The nights are the hardest. I mean, he tucked me into bed every night for over 12 years. But then he also calls for no reason at all. I think our best course of action is to try not to wonder what they feel or think. If they wanted us to know, they'd tell us. Working on controlling me!
I'm awake and all anxious because 1) I know I'm seeing H tonight as he is coming over to play with the kids while I go out. And 2) because I have to go to a funeral today and I'll be off work, which means less things to busy my mind. My mom is also going to be with me tonight, and I fear her letting loose on H!
Yeah I had the same with my H, he always came to bed with me, we'd go up together, tuck the kids in, climb into bed and snuggle up for 15 years I wonder if he even misses me in bed, I know I do him, even after 5 months of sleeping alone..
Yeah I agree with you, I keep thinking does he miss me, is he having regrets, second thoughts.. but he'd contact me if that's the case and he's not... Infact I think he is going out tonight, I want to know if he is seeing someone else.. but I cant ask him..
*hugs* I get little panic attacks when I know I am going to see him.. and he always smiles at me, last week, he gave me a cheeky wink, something he always did for me.. killed me when he walked away.. Sorry to hear you're going to a funeral Respectfully ask your Mum not to say anything, because you don't want to rock the boat xx
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
H. worked nights so we were not sleeping together really...only the last 3 hrs of my sleep. I still missed him though ,I can't imagine if he slept with me and all of a sudden he was gone .He did tuck me in on his days off though...and massaged me.
Towards the end we slept in different rooms ,he was complaining he doesn't sleep well and we completely blackened out the guest room so he can sleep during the day. So we were sleeping like that since August. I was watching a show where they said it's a complete NO-NO ...no matter what you have to sleep with your spouse or else you lose important part of the connection. I of course regretted it big time because when he separated from me i knew he's not going to miss sleeping with me.
Gosh girls i wish i can openly talk to H. so I can give you an insight of how their brain works.I will ask him at one point BUT i do not want to go there now.
Things are really good so far,he got a house ,we are moving at the End of April.He's very excited,calls me all the time now to chat with me,sends emails,texts.Told me on his own for the 1st time since separation "miss you" .I was floored.
I don't know what happened and why he recovered so fast (or at least is recovering and trying) BUT i think he talked himself into it ...the same way he was convincing himself before that he's better off me.
I'm just so puzzled with this behavior .How can i convince myself that i want a divorce and i don't love him ...and later to convince myself that i do NOT want a divorce and i love him...
So sorry girls for the way you feel today...
(((hugs)))
__________________ H. and I married since 2001.Two kids 5 and 1
H. separated from me onDec. 1st 2010Reconciled March 2nd 2011 . April 24th ,he told me he's been having an affair May 11 the day he asked for divorce June28th divorce papers were served to me
I have no doubt he misses you it's just that his mind is it "I'm out" mode.
So just try your best to get THROUGH this.
Again, if he doesn't want to be with you, then you need to accept that move on w/ your life.
Sleeping with my H was one of my fave things in the world and I do miss it but I try to think of it as a half-remembered song now. Knowing it won't happen again. That sucks but there is no sense in dwelling in the past.
I bit the bullet, I couldn't cope with the mood swings, I've been dealing with cancer blah blah blah well anyways I went to the docs and I am now on anti ds
I broke down big time to the doctor, balled my eyes out like a baby, I told him how weak and embaressed I feel and that I should be strong.. well he went to town on me I can tell ya.. he even gave me a cuddle, which in turn made me cry even more..
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
I've got them now, I am going to take one when I've eaten..
I'm not ashamed of taking them, I was embaressed that I wasn't strong enough, but I am on a downward spiral right now, and I was afraid of getting worse!
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
I bit the bullet, I couldn't cope with the mood swings, I've been dealing with cancer blah blah blah well anyways I went to the docs and I am now on anti ds
why the sad face, I have been on them for a while now, sure as hell has helped me, 40mg Paroxetine each morning, 25mg Seroquel a couple of times a day when needed, tho I havn't had any of those for a few weeks now, 50mg Temazepam at night, though I havn't had any of those for a few weeks either
The thing is Deb, they may take 4 - 6 weks to really kick in, might be a week before you start feeling less moody, so you have to take them and keep taking them, and make sure you take them at about the same time each day.
Quote:
I am hoping these will help level me out a bit..
they will, but you have to give them time to kick in.
Amimad,
hey amimad guess im in the same situation. im here only separated for a month now but im waiting for my husband to come around. come around to loving me again. he put me thru so many things since i found out that he has been cheating on me all of our 3yr marriage together. i left him for 2 months when i found out. i decided to give him a chance and i moved back in with him for 6 months. and yet he kept cheating.now i left again and its been a month. he makes it hard for me to leave him for once and for all bc he holds on to me in many ways. he holds on to me the most bc we have two kids together. and he is always giving me false hope. i cant take it anymore. he has been stringing me along forever. im not in love with him(i think). i have some love for him and care for him. the thing is, its easy to let go, but i cant. i want him in my life for many reasons. he says he is working on himself and going to therapy for all his issues.(good for him) but WTH am i supposed to do in the meantime. i have no patience waiting for relationship. i just want to fix it now and for all. the thing is that kills me is that im so tempted to text him all the time to see wat the hell is going on in his head. and how come it doesnt bother him when we dont communicate at all. and from time to time i end up texing him or he texts me to see how im doing. but the problem with both of us is that we are in some communication(no matter wat the reason is) with our husbands that it slows the process and drive for them to come around and do something about it. its always thecat and mouse game in a relationship. when u dont care wat so ever and ur husband sees that- thats when thy will react and do something and finally care. and when he doesnt care that when we care so much. the sooner we put our foot down the sooner they come around.i guess im saying be strong and hold ur ground and dont have no communication with him. he will come around ull see. and to make sure he is genuinly and wants you badly- when he does come around dont give in right away. let him beg for u. reject him a couple times so he knows ur not easy and ur worth more and ur not gullable to him. than take him back. he will appreciate u more after all of this. and u will be happy together. he just needs help seeing this!!!!! I NEED TO TAKE MY OWN ADVICE!!!!!! the thing is its hard to do this all, to have patience without being tempted to communicate with him. i just want my pain to go away and to be a happy family again. any advice for me?
I've got them now, I am going to take one when I've eaten..
I'm not ashamed of taking them, I was embaressed that I wasn't strong enough, but I am on a downward spiral right now, and I was afraid of getting worse!
don't be, emotions are a strong thing to deal with, as we have all found out !!
why the sad face, I have been on them for a while now, sure as hell has helped me, 40mg Paroxetine each morning, 25mg Seroquel a couple of times a day when needed, tho I havn't had any of those for a few weeks now, 50mg Temazepam at night, though I havn't had any of those for a few weeks either
The thing is Deb, they may take 4 - 6 weks to really kick in, might be a week before you start feeling less moody, so you have to take them and keep taking them, and make sure you take them at about the same time each day.
I have to talk one a day he said they may make me drowsy so I can take it either at night or the morning
they will, but you have to give them time to kick in.
I've got to stick to them and will be on them for 6months
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
I dont think that I will EVER understand my H...
Well the children and I went out today, had a fab day I'm very pleased to say.. Anyway H called the kids to say goodnight, I was sitting next to my eldest when he spoke to her, well he said to her where did you go etc, then he said "So was it just Mummy, you, J and L that went?" She informed him that her uncle went too (he's 15) M told him that we took some amazing pics and he said he couldn't wait to see them tomoz, she said no, they're on facebook! So of course he can't see them...
Then he spoke to our son and asked him if we did anything last night.. Did 'we' go out and do anything?...We actually had a sleepover at my parents, but J didn't tell him that, infact didn't tell him anything....
So it seems like he is checking up on me through the kids?... or am I reading too much into it? I spoke to him briefly he sounded ill, I asked if he was ok, and he just said he was feeling rough... I said "Aww bless" condescending much?! and I just said ok Bye....and hung up...
Why does he want to know who was with us? He is living his own life, I have no insight to his... I don't ask as much as I want too!!
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
He's feeling like he's losing control over you....
I'm sure he's not 100% detached from you....
If he was (after 15 years) he would be one heartless son of a bit*ch !!!!!
Maybe he's slowly cracking....a little crack here and there....
I hope it for you, sweetie !!!!!
Thanks Rome,
I don't know, he's doing a pretty good impression of someone who is! When I saw the doc yesterday, he said it's easy for H to shut it all out because of his aspergers so he could have completely checked out? Thing is, I cant even ask him!
Again I don't think so.. I think he may have someone else.. and I think he's loving his single life too much.. he's not even thinking about me, like I said he doesn't know what the hospital have said.. he hasn't even asked..
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Re: Seriously.. 
I don't think we will ever fully understand things. I sit and go WTF all the time. I don't understand a thing he does or the things he doesn't do. Every night, I wonder how he could just do his thing without even telling me goodnight. The nights are the hardest. I mean, he tucked me into bed every night for over 12 years. But then he also calls for no reason at all. I think our best course of action is to try not to wonder what they feel or think. If they wanted us to know, they'd tell us. Working on controlling me! 
I wonder if he even misses me in bed, I know I do him, even after 5 months of sleeping alone.. 
