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Old 03-01-2011, 08:37 PM   #106 (permalink)
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And I so wish we could all get together. My heart goes out to each & every one of us.
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Old 03-01-2011, 09:19 PM   #107 (permalink)
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I have to see that! I did laugh when I saw him duct taped to the toilet. Did it end the way I hope it does?
Yes it ends good...well kind of...not going to spoil it for you...but please watch it...
if that is what i have to do to get H. back than i have no chance at all...

If we were close by we would be such amazing friends..i can just feel it..
Where do you live babyheart..i'm in Atlanta
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Old 03-01-2011, 09:40 PM   #108 (permalink)
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OMG AmI...i can't believe your chat...what he says is a nonsense...
I wish i can get stuff out of my chest as well, ..i'm sure the time will come for me to say it.
I'm so sorry for the things that you had to hear him say..such lost soul...
I'm sure this is exactly what H. would say... They are the victims in this,it's all our fault that they feel the way they do...what a BS.

Gosh i can't believe I'm dealing with so much BS, people lose their whole family to an accident...they would kill to have their family back...and what our H.'s are doing..gladly giving it up.
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Old 03-01-2011, 09:48 PM   #109 (permalink)
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I still love him and care for him but I'm terrified of him. When I mentioned that I was scared to death of him his answer was: "Yeah, you should be."

What do you do with that?
sorta wonder if that is how my W feels ? No idea...
what do you do with it? keep in mind when ever you come face to face !
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Old 03-01-2011, 11:06 PM   #110 (permalink)
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what do you do with it? keep in mind when ever you come face to face !
I do..that's one reason I try and limit the amount of time we are face to face. And when we are, I'm very pleasant and cordial. I can't take any more fighting.

Fortunately I don't have Facebook, texts, email or phone calls to bother me. He rarely answers the phone when I call. I haven't seen or spoken to him since Sunday, when I picked up my son at his house and he seemed OK at the time. Howver, for the past two days he hasn't answered the phone when my son calls, which is unusual so I'm starting to wonder what's up with him.

Oh well, it's my husband's problem, not mine. I feel badly for my son though.
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Old 03-02-2011, 03:35 AM   #111 (permalink)
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OMG AmI...i can't believe your chat...what he says is a nonsense...
I wish i can get stuff out of my chest as well, ..i'm sure the time will come for me to say it.
I'm so sorry for the things that you had to hear him say..such lost soul...
I'm sure this is exactly what H. would say... They are the victims in this,it's all our fault that they feel the way they do...what a BS.

Gosh i can't believe I'm dealing with so much BS, people lose their whole family to an accident...they would kill to have their family back...and what our H.'s are doing..gladly giving it up.

I know, I can't help thinking that he is still a bit confused. But maybe that is me hoping again and reading too much into it.

I know, it beggars belief, I but like I said we can't convince them or trick them to come home, maybe when the novelty of the 'single' life wears off, they'll realise just what they are throwing away and then try and claw it back.

The fact he knew I deleted him so quickly, and he was saying he doesn't want me to stop talking to him.. well that stupidly gives me a tiny glimmer of hope. But for now NC, you and me Vivea, we can do it, I am a stay at home Mum too, so we do have alot of time on our hands.. but if you ever want to chat I'm here *hugs*
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Old 03-02-2011, 04:09 AM   #112 (permalink)
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And I so wish we could all get together.
It would be a total blast

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My heart goes out to each & every one of us.
and me !!!
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Old 03-02-2011, 04:15 AM   #113 (permalink)
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regards to FB, I don't use anymore.....I was never FB friends with my H.....turned out that was down to him evading me while he was having an affair(s?).....

since we separated I went on my profile cos I got a message from an old friend.....in the 'people you may know' section his photo suddenly appeared.....it was just too upsetting.....WTF??????? 'people you may know'.......errrrr yes, my own husband!!!!!!!!! too painful, felt like s**t....won't be going on FB again for a VERY long while.......have just left my profile there but never access it anymore.....why expose myself to more heartache and pain
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Old 03-02-2011, 08:37 AM   #114 (permalink)
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Well today he sent me a msg, saying I was the only person that would appreciate it and sorry if it was out of turn after last night... then proceeded to tell me about our youngest and something she said 4 days ago... not that he could have told me before...

Just said awww bless her..

I'm replying if it's regarding the children, short but sweet msgs, I want him to think that he's losing me now I really just want to hold on tightly with both hands, but I can't
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-02-2011, 09:03 AM   #115 (permalink)
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AmI...that is good that he is still trying to contact you...means ,he thinks of you.
Do what you feel is right for you and your situation honey!
I do believe that NC works for you,he is definitely responding...it seems.
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Old 03-02-2011, 09:25 AM   #116 (permalink)
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Well today he sent me a msg, saying I was the only person that would appreciate it and sorry if it was out of turn after last night... then proceeded to tell me about our youngest and something she said 4 days ago... not that he could have told me before...

Just said awww bless her..

I'm replying if it's regarding the children, short but sweet msgs, I want him to think that he's losing me now I really just want to hold on tightly with both hands, but I can't
You're going to hate me very soon. LOL

During NC you should reply with only factual information about the children and only if necessary. His text above should have been ignored. He was seeing how serious you are about NC and he got the answer he wanted.

If you get a text from your husband don't reply for at least an hour. This gives you time to judge whether this is a communication that needs to happen for the children and shows him that you're not waiting around to respond to everything he has to say.

I think your go to phrase should be "I'd be happy to discuss that in marriage counseling." You would only say this if he brought up your relationship or anything emotional involving the two of you. You don't need to say it every time he becomes emotional. Most of what he says should be ignored entirely.
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Old 03-02-2011, 12:40 PM   #117 (permalink)
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Well I don't feel I did anything wrong with my response, it was literally "Aww, bless her." Actually it seemed like I didn't give a crap, normally I would have chatted to him about it and he knows that.
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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Old 03-03-2011, 03:13 AM   #118 (permalink)
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I really need my H today, had bad news that my treatment isn't going as well as it should & they wanted me in first thing this morning, driving the kids to school, my bumper has fallen off on one side & I can't get it on or off, I've called him, breaking my heart but it just rang to voice mail, so left him msgs, just tried to call again & he's turned his phone off. The one time I really really need him to be there for me & he turns his phone off, why am I trying? He doesn't care I'm sat in my car, crying my eyes out & all I want is for him to hug me & make.things right.
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Old 03-03-2011, 06:37 AM   #119 (permalink)
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I really need my H today, had bad news that my treatment isn't going as well as it should & they wanted me in first thing this morning, driving the kids to school, my bumper has fallen off on one side & I can't get it on or off, I've called him, breaking my heart but it just rang to voice mail, so left him msgs, just tried to call again & he's turned his phone off. The one time I really really need him to be there for me & he turns his phone off, why am I trying? He doesn't care I'm sat in my car, crying my eyes out & all I want is for him to hug me & make.things right.
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Part of the reason I think you need NC is so you can see your husband for what he is. I know that you love who he was, but there's no way anyone would love him right now if they could see him for who he is. This man walked away from his family when they needed him most. Could he have been overwhelmed by your cancer? Sure. I could understand someone running away out of fear. What I don't understand is some one who stays away instead of taking care of his obligations. I don't care what kind of mistakes you've made in the past, there comes a point where the adult in us needs to step away from the child inside of us and do what's right. He seems virtually incapable of that. He's a coward. He does NOT deserve you. My hope is that you'll see this soon.

I'm sure he'll give you some excuse for why he shut off his phone. His battery probably ran out and he was stuck in a desert trying to fashion a phone out of cacti and bird bones. For the love of God, don't believe him!

YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!
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Old 03-03-2011, 06:43 AM   #120 (permalink)
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II've called him, breaking my heart but it just rang to voice mail, so left him msgs, just tried to call again & he's turned his phone off.
My husband does that all the time.

Yeah, I know all about having a bad day. Sometimes your luck just doesn't go right. Sucks...Seems the last few months I had streaks of bad luck, one after the other.

Don't worry. It'll get better. Chances are your husband would just add to your misery, not make it better.

Once I made the mistake of going over to my husband's house after a really bad day. I just wanted to vent, to have a friend console me, to get a hug and have someone say "Don't worry about it, it'll get better." He didn't want to hear about it. Told me I was on my own and I had to deal with my own problems. Then he started tell me how I should grow up, etc, etc. Made me go from feeling bad to absolutely miserable.

So basically with it went from bad to worse. Nice, eh?

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I'm sure he'll give you some excuse for why he shut off his phone. His battery probably ran out and he was stuck in a desert trying to fashion a phone out of cacti and bird bones. For the love of God, don't believe him!

YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS!
Yep, I hear that too. For the past two days my son has been trying to call my husband because he has been having problems with his computer. My husband promised my son he'd pick up when he saw his number come up but he doesn't. He often didn't pick up the phone with me even though I KNOW he got my messages and texts. He just "didn't want to". Doesn't feel he "should have to". I used to be stupid enough to actually GO OVER his house to see if he was OK when he did that.

When my son finally got him on the phone (after TWO days of leaving messages!) my husband told he'd been "napping" and/or "didn't hear it." What if there had been an emergency? I tell my husband that time and time again but it never changes.

Oh, he always has an an excuse. Sometimes it's that his battery ran out. Or he didn't hear it. He turned it off "by mistake", blah blah blah.

I wonder how HE would've felt if I had done the same thing when he called me at 6 am the day his father died? Or when he called me at midnight, waking me up from a deep sleep, when he fell down and knocked himself out and was all disoriented and scared and THEN proceeded to beg me to come over to his house? (Which I did!) How would he have liked being put to voicemail? Well, maybe next time he'll find out!

Now I just leave him a message and text him that I left the message and then if I have to, I'll proceed to "drop over"..which he hates. I then inform him that I DID call him, but he didn't answer the phone and that it's on his voicemail. Then he looks sheepish and gives the usual excuse. Now I don't call him much anyway. Mostly to arrange to drop off and pick up my son and tell him what time I'll be dropping by. I never call to "talk" anymore. Those days are over.

I know things are bad and you need emotional support but you are going to have to find it elsewhere. Your husband is not only NOT there for you, he's making it worse!

Perhaps you can find a support group or turn to family, friends, etc. You can't depend on your husband and you have to learn to wean yourself off him during "normal" and "good" situations so that when things go bad you don't turn to him. You don't want to have to depend on him for anything!

It's a harsh reality, but a necessary one. I feel your pain.
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D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now

Last edited by Freak On a Leash; 03-03-2011 at 07:13 AM.
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