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post #121 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 08:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Seriously..

Well he spoke to me on the phone I say spoke, he basically 'barked' at me, so I said go 'F' yourself and I hung up, yes my friends of the forum I.. ME... hung up on him.. highly unheard of. He has since text me saying

'I'm sorry, if I haven't completely f*cked it up, please can you call me after your appointment'

I ignored it...

He called me later on (Witheld number) I answer he wants to know what is happening with me and hospital etc... I told him I don't want to talk to him, he wasn't there when I needed him. He asked me to stop, told me he was out of order (no really?!) and he was sorry and he really wanted to know.. I just said I am sorry I am going I don't want to talk to you and hung up AGAIN **girl power**

Then I get a text..

H: Not pretending to care about you, I do give a ****

M: If you don't want to be part of my life, I don't have to tell you anything.

H: Well if nothing you're still my kids mum but you're also still my wife (ANYONE ELSE OUTRAGED BY THIS COMMENT??)

M: Till you put in for divorce. When you decide you want to be my husband we'll talk.

H: Why not just tell me? I need to know as the kids are my concern if something happens to you (Ohhh now they're you're concern? Where they when you f'd off to Australia to that ****?!)

M: Like I said when you want to make a go of things, be willing to spend time with me, then we'll talk, until then I'm not your concern. I'll put my children first as I always do.

H: Are you going onto Chemo?.....

**IGNORED**

H: Yes? or No?

**IGNORED**

H: Do you want me to have a look at your car after work?

**IGNORED**


So I've told him when he's ready to be my husband, I'll then start letting him into my life, until.... **IGNORED**

Now, please someone give me some praise coz I am shaking like a fecking leaf! xx

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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post #122 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 08:46 AM
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Re: Seriously..

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Now, please someone give me some praise coz I am shaking like a fecking leaf! xx

You did well. Do NOT give in this time. He's going to say something about the kids after he realizes this isn't working. There's no need to answer him. Stay strong!

You seem to have a good group of friends. Is there someone else who could look at your car? Showing him you can take care of things on your own is a positive. That doesn't mean that you need to tell him you've taken care of it, he'll find out on his own.
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post #123 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 09:26 AM
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Re: Seriously..

Good woman! And yes I think he will contact you with some thing about the kids when you don't reply. DO NOT RESPOND!!! He'll only do it coz you are a great mom & the kids are the way to you.

Hang in there. Once you show him you are strong & can take care of things yourself, he will start to respect you. I had contacted my husband about things like this as well, he never responded well to it. But once I took a stand on my own & stopped contacting him just to contact him, his attitude towards me changed.

Stay strong.
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post #124 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 09:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Seriously..

He has sent two more msgs asking about the car. Still ignored him, It's so hard...!

I haven't actually contacted him over anything until today, I was in a real state and there was a number of factors to that.

I can't remember the last time I'd actually called him before today. He always calls the kids and thats the only 'verbal' contact we have.

I hope he is starting to come round

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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post #125 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 09:54 AM
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Re: Seriously..

I know how hard it is. We want to fix what's wrong, and being cold is not in our nature.

Let him stew for a while so he can realize what a jerk he was.
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post #126 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 10:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Seriously..

Thank you for your encouragement. I just have to keep reminding myself how nasty he was this morning.

Also he may 'seem' concerned via text msg, but if I had actually 'spoken' to him, about the car etc, he may just continue to be an arse, so I am trying not to read too much into it...

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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post #127 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 11:29 AM
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Re: Seriously..

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Originally Posted by AmImad View Post
He has sent two more msgs asking about the car. Still ignored him, It's so hard...!
It will get easier, though not right away. Just plan on this week being horribly difficult and accept it. You can do this!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmImad View Post
I haven't actually contacted him over anything until today, I was in a real state and there was a number of factors to that.

I can't remember the last time I'd actually called him before today. He always calls the kids and thats the only 'verbal' contact we have.

I hope he is starting to come round
Don't beat yourself up for contacting him today. He showed you his true colors. I think today could make things easier on you.

Don't plan on him starting to come around anytime soon.

He's going to go through many different emotions before he sees this as you setting boundaries. At first he'll think you're just mad about today. Then he could get mad that you could disrespect him after "everything you've put him through." After he realizes that's not it, he might try to sweet talk you into talking to him again (without him going to MC or coming home). Then he may tell you that not talking is tearing him apart and you're the only one who can make him feel better! You: "I'd be happy to talk about that in marriage counseling."

This is going to be a huge emotional challenge. You're going to have to resist temptation. Your happiness is worth it. When you're feeling weak let someone know. Let them be strong when you need to break down. You can do this!

Have you thought about starting a thread on TAM so we can keep up with your health? If it's too personal I understand. I'm sure I'm not the only one wondering how treatment is going, though.
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post #128 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 12:50 PM
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Re: Seriously..

AmI...OMG girl ,i swear we are somehow connected.While driving daughter to school my tire blew out. My 2 kids and I in the middle of the road ...not very pleasant .Called my brother he was not answering ,thank god my SIL answered so she had to leave work and come help me.It was a 2hr ordeal but i did it all by myself.

Gosh girl ...i can't believe him...i'm so mad at your H. ...if he is not the husband he needs to be at least have a little sympathy for the person that gave you 15 of her life and gave you the most precious thing to live for...your kids. Can't believe that he turned his phone on you.

I'm amazed how well you're doing with not answering...you're my hero.
I'm so sorry about the results of your treatment ...have no words to describe how much sympathy i have for you because of what you're going through...
I just want to offer you (((BIG HUGS))) and positive energy your way.
STAY STRONG!
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post #129 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 02:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Seriously..

I am so angry right now, I can't be bothered to go into the whole crappy conversation, but I have pissed him off due to me not telling him ANYTHING and saying I was hanging up.

He called me names once again I said Good luck in life, thanks for being childish and I hung up.

I then get a text saying "Please don't respond, I know it doesn't mean much but I am sorry for being a pr*ck, what time are you coming back with the kids on Sunday?"

Well I can't reply can I? He asked me not to respond

Anger > Sadness right now.. I feel quite relieved!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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post #130 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 03:37 PM
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Re: Seriously..


Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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post #131 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 06:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Seriously..

I STILL haven't replied and it's midnight, it's been a hard day, but managed to get through it!

Vivea- It's been madness, the whole car thing was not fun, I cried like a baby Need to keep strong, NC seems to be the only thing he has responded too, with him saying 'But you're still my wife' -- really? ERRM you threw that away when you decided to walk away, remove your wedding ring and say you don't want to be with me!

I'm beginning to wonder if all this is really worth it, do I really want him back after the way he's treating me? Throwing paddies when he can't get his own way, then texting me later saying sorry.....

Mind you ive said that before *sigh*

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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post #132 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 06:11 PM
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Re: Seriously..

You gals need to get AAA..at least learn how to change a tire.

Good job AmIMad! It gets easier in time!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AmImad View Post
I'm beginning to wonder if all this is really worth it, do I really want him back after the way he's treating me?
Now you are really starting to think..Will life really be better if he DOES come back? Maybe not...

You have to ponder about the why and how the situation you are in actually exists. Was he really such a wonderful person to live with? Did you really have a great life with him before he left? Most importantly, can life be even better without him?

Interesting to think about....

D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now

Last edited by Freak On a Leash; 03-03-2011 at 06:15 PM.
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post #133 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 06:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Seriously..

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Originally Posted by Freak On a Leash View Post
You gals need to get AAA..at least learn how to change a tire.

Good job AmIMad! It gets easier in time!
It's wasn't my tire, it was my bumper! It was half hanging off, I couldn't pull it off and couldn't clip it on, I had the kids in the car on a main road and trying to get them to school, it was the icing on the cake I tell ya! hehe x

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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post #134 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 06:18 PM
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Re: Seriously..

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It's wasn't my tire, it was my bumper! It was half hanging off, I couldn't pull it off and couldn't clip it on, I had the kids in the car on a main road and trying to get them to school, it was the icing on the cake I tell ya! hehe x
That's what bungee cords are for!

My life and cars...

When I went 4 wheeling and was on the trail, if a Jeep would hit the rear bumper on a rock and have it fall off, the driver would get out and toss it in the back. Or, if it was just hanging off, out would come the bungee cord! You can never have enough bungee cords...

One time on the track at Lime Rock. I was in my Mustang. I heard this scraping and it was my muffler! I pulled into the pits, pulled the muffler off and tossed it over the fence..but then I got black flagged because the car was so loud and they have noise restrictions there.

Or the time my power steering rack blew up on the track and we were up all night trying to patch it up. Had to bypass the power steering and drive a 3500lb car home without power steering.

Or the time my engine blew while I was racing my friend on the interstate because the oil pump rod snapped in two...But I won the race!

Or how about the time I got bad gas in my Miata in the middle of Nowheresville, Virginia and had to have the local station siphon the gas out of the tank before it could run again...

Or the time I was on my way down to Florida in the Mustang, 5 months pregnant and with my 3 year old daugter and my Autometer oil gauge line sprung a leak and I had oil pouring into the interior. I had to pull over and take out the middle part of the dashboard so I could tie a not in the line...

And then on the way home FROM Florida, again on I-95...and the supercharger pulley fell off, the serpentine belt got wrapped around the fan and car overheated. I had a South Carolina State Trooper hold the crowbar against the pulley tensioner while I swapped the extra belt on...He asked me if I was the wife of a NASCAR driver.

I could go on and on...

Ah, the good ol' days...

D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now

Last edited by Freak On a Leash; 03-03-2011 at 06:31 PM.
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post #135 of 1052 (permalink) Old 03-03-2011, 06:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Seriously..

That's what it's being held on by now! I just didn't have any in the car hehe

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
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