It's going to be four months this Sunday since my husband walked out. Most of you know what's been going on, he's talking about getting a house share miles away from us, he seems to be moving further & further from me, I miss him so much, today, I'm not coping that well today, I feel like he's so detached, that he feels nothing, yet, I cant turn off my feelings, I'm sat here crying, wishing he'd just call me, tell me he's made a mistake, he does want to be with me...
I started a serious no contact routine a couple of days ago, reviewing the 180 list, but seriously, what are the chances of him missing me? I keep seeing peoples posts where they have little glimmers of home, yet my H, is saying us spending time together is not a good idea....yet he texts me & asks how I'm feeling.. is that coz he feels obligated?.. he said he can't see his feelings ever changing... yet a few days before he was saying he wanted to see how we went... I mean should I carry on with no contact (everyone says too) or be nice, talk to him... how long has your separation lasted? I want him home more than anything, I just want a chance, but I'm not begging.
Please someone give me advice, some hope, right now.. I feel like I do need him, he always said he fit me like a glove, he'd wrap his arms around me & Id feel so safe. I'm scared. Posted via Mobile Device
AmI ...i have no advice for you but just wanted to say that i'm crying with you...this is all so F..ed up...so much pain...
i don't know how i would be behaving knowing that H. is in the same town with me,that i can call or text and he could come if i want to see him....no idea ...now that H. he is 5 hrs away i don't have the temptation...
stray strong,you 're so brave girl...i admire you for who you are
((((BIG HUGS))))
He saw my fb status which just said: .. that is all..
And he just text me saying:
I'm probably the last person you want to hear this from but I am here if you want to talk.
I don't want to talk about anything, I want him to come and hold me, tell me he loves me, and just curl up with me, watching crap tv, playing with my hair.. I just want my husband back..
Vivea, I am sobbing, my 3 year old, just hugged me, she said "Don't cry my beautiful Mummy, I love you"...
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Hey, it's it's getting close to 4 months for me too...ive done the chase phase, the ignore phase, the return calls phase...I've done it all...
The only time I've had a positive response during any of those phases was when she saw that I wasn't sitting on my azz waiting for her to make a move...when I took those moments when I used to sit around waiting on her to work on me...working out, running...reading self-help books...when I was working on my own life and moving forward, that was when she would get busy and start talking to me...
When she did that and I fell into her trap and started waiting on her again, she would become invisible again, she knew she still had all the power...
Now I work on me constantly and if she wants to work on us, I find time, but it is on my terms...suddenly she wants to work on us a lot...but it seems the balance of power has switched sides...
until you feel safe again in your own arms, he has the power...work on you...get to love yourself again as just yourself...he will see that self confidence grow...and if it is meant to be, he'll start working harder to get you back...
if not, your 2 steps ahead of the game moving on...this is ME time and take advantage of it!
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I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
When she did that and I fell into her trap and started waiting on her again, she would become invisible again, she knew she still had all the power...
I do that too, (sorry if I am repeating myself)
I went away for a couple of days with the children, and I didn't tell him anything, when he called, I was busy talking ( I really was) and he text me saying he was going out so he'd call the kids in the morning, he did, he spoke to them and I hung up..
A few minutes later I got a text msg:
H 'can I ask you something'
M: 'Of course'
H 'Thursday night was a bit hazy and my phone ****ed up & wiped my msgs, did you send me a msg about I us?'
M 'Thursday was hazy for me too, but yes I think I did, but almost a week on, it doesn't matter does it?'
H 'I only just remembered yesterday'
M 'well seeing how you feel the msg doesn't matter'
He said 'ok, well I just wanted to know'
M 'why?'
H 'doesn't matter, just felt bad when I realised I hadn't said anything about it'
M 'All you would have said is 'what do you want me to do with that' or 'ok' I can't fix anything. I'll let you get on'
I did text him nicely after that, as I stupidly thought he was thinking about me... BUT on thinking about it..He knew I was away, why ask me about a msg I'd sent almost a week before?... why wait that long or ask me when he called... then he called the following day asking for the '5 minute chat' Again why do it when I am away?... I gave away power again
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
I have been through a breakup before...i loved him but i chose to say good bye because he was stuck and hiding behind a big wall...i'm talking about i guy i dated before my H.
I moved on with my life and he went crazy ...3 months later he chased me like never before...proposed to me told me he loved me ...it' was too late for me and I cried because i wanted that only 3 months ago...
Now i thought i could do that with H. but it's the hardest thing...we have kids together,my maternal instinct tells me to fight for him for them...so they can grow up with their own father as a father figure...that makes me extremely weak...i'm not as strong because of them if that makes any sense...they should make me stronger but they don't...i mean they do but in a different way not with my H. plus our relationship was not destructive ..the problems were minimal and he is a wonderful father so I want him for me but mostly for them...
If it was just me i could sit around and wait for him ...but my kids have to wait too... it breaks my heart for them...so yeah i'm walking on a thin line...i would love for him to chase me and probably would have happened but i just can't wait...
I am the same with my children, believe me I hate that he only see's them once a week and alot of our talks about getting back together, revolve around the kids, and he said he couldn't come back just for them... even though he loves me? Go firgure
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Yeah H. also says "can't do it for the kids"...4 months ago though he said he could never leave them and now he's in a totally different mode... and now he is struggling with should he try with me...i can see he is struggling but i hope he decides to give it a try...
I just hope he doesn't do all this just so he can move me in SC for the kids...regardless though even if that is the case i will still have a shot...i'm willing to take it.
He just sent me a msg on facebook, he said that he'd asked my son to pass me the phone (my son hung up after he said goodbye) And that he wanted to know how I was...
I didn't reply, just closed facebook.. I don't know this is the 3rd time today he's asked if I am ok? I love him so much, but I can't give any more power away I can't cope with the rejection when I think we're doing well
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
You are still in contact. You may not email. You may not text (as much). But now you are in contact via facebook.
Sweetone, the longer you stay in this contact, the longer you prolong your agony. If you could only actually end ALL CONTACT--I mean ALL...ALL of it. Every single bit! No phone, no texts, no email, no facebook, no IM's, no letters, no NOTHING...you could start to recover! It breaks my heart to see you suffer day-in and day-out knowing that you are doing this to yourself.
Please, I implore you find a way to end ALL contact!!! You will probably need to find a friend who can take messages for you, because I guarantee once you really end contact he will try every trick possible to try to get you to contact him again--feigning depression, making up dramas or "emergencies", demanding, using the children...all kinds of tricks. That is because HE has issues that are his responsibility to work on and he won't face them.
But before All that can happen, you just absolutely HAVE TO break this dependence on him. Delete your facebook page and stop looking at his!!!! Change your cell phone number. Close your email and start a new one. Do whatever you have to do to stop yourself from hurting yourself like this over and over and over. Seriously, please stop.
__________________
I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
Hi AmImad.....I'm also 4 months separated from H. He left. I feel the same as you....just want it all to go away, him to say sorry, come back, say it was all a big mistake.
I'm crying a lot....it's very painful.
He doesn't seem to be much affected -'getting on with his life'. We have very little meaningful contact by phone. I haven't even seen him at all for 4 months, I have a rough idea where he lives, but no address. Strong suspicions he is with someone else, although he denies. It's so hard. No advice but just to say, you're not alone x
p.s. only thing I would say is, I don't go on fb at all since we separated. I just prefer it that way....I don't need any extra pain...
You are still in contact. You may not email. You may not text (as much). But now you are in contact via facebook.
Sweetone, the longer you stay in this contact, the longer you prolong your agony. If you could only actually end ALL CONTACT--I mean ALL...ALL of it. Every single bit! No phone, no texts, no email, no facebook, no IM's, no letters, no NOTHING...you could start to recover! It breaks my heart to see you suffer day-in and day-out knowing that you are doing this to yourself.
Please, I implore you find a way to end ALL contact!!! You will probably need to find a friend who can take messages for you, because I guarantee once you really end contact he will try every trick possible to try to get you to contact him again--feigning depression, making up dramas or "emergencies", demanding, using the children...all kinds of tricks. That is because HE has issues that are his responsibility to work on and he won't face them.
But before All that can happen, you just absolutely HAVE TO break this dependence on him. Delete your facebook page and stop looking at his!!!! Change your cell phone number. Close your email and start a new one. Do whatever you have to do to stop yourself from hurting yourself like this over and over and over. Seriously, please stop.
I really haven't contacted him, anything in regards to me or us, I have ignored, only replied briefly about our children. I haven't looked at his facebook page in a while, I am getting on with it, when he has spoken to me, I haven't let on, that I am upset or hurting, I've made him think that I am getting on with with my life, I want my marriage to work, if I cut all ties how is it going to work? The reason, I hadn't deleted him was because I know he'd be looking at it, and I have been upbeat, there have been pictures of me going out and having fun..I want him to see what he is missing out on.. His family are all friends of mine on there, so he could log in on his mums account to get info..
If I delete him from FB, he's going to be asking questions, like why did I? Etc...
How can I fix this if I just delete him from my life completely? I don't want a divorce..
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
AmI...i think you should send him a last message and tell him exactly that ,tell him you're open to fix things between you and him but he should contact you only when he/if he wants to work on the marriage,tell him until than you're moving on with your life.
I don't know honey...i'm sorry i have no other suggestion...
AmI...i think you should send him a last message and tell him exactly that ,tell him you're open to fix things between you and him but he should contact you only when he/if he wants to work on the marriage,tell him until than you're moving on with your life.
I don't know honey...i'm sorry i have no other suggestion...
No, no, no! No more contact! None.
She's tried telling him this before. At this point he'd probably just roll his eyes and go on with his day. He's heard it before. It's time for the action to start and the words to stop.
Seriously.. 
.. that is all..
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