Just spoke to him...i'm shaking...he is not going to do it...he said he knows in his heart that he is done and not going to be happy with me...
He is destroying his kids life just because he wants to live by himself....are you serious...
From that point i'm doing to 180 and moving on...I'm DONE...what an a..hole ...
i don't cry,i feel numb....why do i feel like that...
i also know in my heart this is it for us
He told me he wants to stay friends,i asked than if you want to stay friends why were you so nasty...why didn't you look me in the eyes and tell me that this is how you feel,say i'm sorry etc.... he couldn't answer...just said" i know"
i told him he is destroying his family out of selfishness and he will regret it but one day I will look into our kids eyes and be able to tell them that i tried hard but what he is going to tell them....
i told him I've tried everything and i'm done also...told him goodbye and hanged up...
Darling *hugs tightly* I think we should all just get a big house and live in it together!
I don't have any words to help, you and me are now in the same boat xx I can't make you feel any better and I hate that.. Lots of love to you Babe xxxx
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Vivea,
I send super hugs your way. I sympathize with you greatly. You are numb honey, because you've been going through this for a while and eventually you get this **** or get off the pot attitude. I am in almost the same situation, but my husbands a little more bi-polar. One day he loves me and wants to work it out, the next he wants to move on and be friends, then another day he says he wants to have more kids together, crazy. I am numb too. Maybe one day he will realize what he is giving up - maybe it'll be a very long time from now, and one of your kids may call him on it when they're way older. But maybe he'll never realize it. We'll never know.
Just try and stay positive, try not to lash out, as I know its so easy to. You have been through so much already, its time to worry about yourself and your children.
Im so sorry Vivea, we're all here for you if you need us. Msg me if you like, Im a good listener (reader, since we're online lol). Posted via Mobile Device
now i'm sitting and thinking about the kids...nothing else matters at that moment...
he told me he still wants us to go and live there...that he will be able to see the kids every day or when they want to...
I don't know what to do...should i move there ...i mean i can still have a life like that,he'll take them let's say 3 days every week or every other week,he'll be able to be there for games ...school activities...etc...
as a mother i think that it's probably best if i move
on the other hand ...how am I going to cope to see him every day ...i mean probably all the time....
should i stay here until it's time for daughter to start school and than move....
what would you do....
i will be completely alone there...no family at all....
him on the other hand ...has everything...friends...his parents...us....
thanks guys for the hugs...it means a lot...
i'm still numb and in disbelief i guess...i shed some tears when i just removed my ring ...my daughter asked 2 questions about daddy...like she knows...it breaks my heart...she is making presents for him...drawing pictures for him...
i love my kids more than anything in this world....i want them to be happy and if being happy means i have to be friend with their dad i have to do it...God help me ...how am I going to do that....
Believe me Vivea, it will take time for the friendship. My older daughters have a different father and when we split up, he never spent time with them. They were practically babies when we split. We live in a very small community and even lived in the same apt complex. He'd have to pass our apt to get out of the complex. He never stopped to see them. For a very long time they would cry for him, and he always wanted me to lie to them. Tell them Im working, is what he would say. I watched my kids grow up without their father for a long time and it was a painful process. I couldn't tell them their daddy didn't want to be with them. And so I became the bad person because as they got older they felt I wouldn't let them go be with their daddy. They are now 10 & 11 yrs old. They understand things better now because they call him themselves, and he makes excuses, but we see him out with his on and off girfriend and kids. Now that they see that with their own eyes, the realization kicks in. But for all those years in between, I was a bad person to them.
I told you that story because kids won't understand, and a lot of times daddies like to play innocent to their kids, making us mommies who bust our ass with them look like a**holes.
You gotta do what you can for you. If right now you can't stand to be near him, maybe you should move. It would be healthier for you to start moving on with your own life. I'd move too, but living in HI is so damn pricey already.
Of course you'll ALWAYS keep your kids best interest in mind, but don't forget, as mommies often do, that you also have to do what is best for you. You'll be around your children more often than your hubby, so, you need to be happy too. If being too close to your hubs is going to be a distraction for you, Id say don't do it. Posted via Mobile Device
Weren't you two going to move in again and work it out? I know he sent you an email recently asking you the three things you love about him..How did that go over?
Did he recently call you say "Let's just be friends but live together?". I'm gathering that is what happened. I'm really sorry that it didn't work out as you'd hope. I've been following your situation here and had my doubts..but I was really hoping it would come together for you.
Now for the nuts and bolts as I understand this...
Is that what you want? That you live as friends under the same roof for the sake of the kids? Can you do that without fighting and stress? How will you deal with that if you want more from the relationship?
As I read your posts I tend to think that it will tear you apart because you will always be wanting more and you will be putting pressure on him to be something he's not, do give something he can't give. I can relate there because I've been going through the same thing with my husband. But what we have going is that we are separated and can retreat to our neutral corners when things get too heated up. You won't have that option if you live together.
If you are both not committed to working on and improving your marriage then I'd think that it's best for you, him AND the kids for you to continue to live separately. Perhaps with time he'll come around, especially if you do the 180. It might yield results. He seems torn himself because he DOES say he wants to live together and says good things about you but he seems to want to experience life on his own. I think you need to give him his space to work things out in his head and heart.
You keep calling him, texting, emailing, imposing deadlines. You really need to stop that if you want to get any results. The 180 could be the ticket to assert some control over YOUR life and emotions and give him the time and space to WANT you..not feel pressured by you.
As for your kids, having parents who are emotionally healthy living together is what is best. That's not going to happen if you live together now so the next best thing is for you to work on yourself and come to terms and focus on THEM. You are focusing so much on your husband. It's time now to turn your attentions else where and build yourself up, spend time with your kids doing fun things with them and realize that there is a life to be lived without your husband. It's not all about him.
It's hard, I know and I wish you the best, but you CAN do it. You need to redirect the passion, determination and love that you have for your husband towards yourself and your kids. So many people manage to have a good, strong family life and NOT stay married, you can be one of them. I know you can!
Print out the 180 and read it when you feel down, or are tempted to do that email, text or phone call. It helps. I know because I'm going through this myself.
What's funny is that my daughter read the 180 this morning and she said "Ma, THAT is what I've been telling you all along!" Our kids aren't stupid. They know what's what. Trust me.
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Thanks Freak...i responded to email...but it'll the last thing i do....i promise.I'm totally ready for 180...i think i'll do better with 180 than hoping and waiting on him.
I'm emotionally spent and can't take anymore...
Thanks Freak...i responded to email...but it'll the last thing i do....i promise.I'm totally ready for 180...i think i'll do better with 180 than hoping and waiting on him.
I'm emotionally spent and can't take anymore...
Don't think of this as "giving up" You are moving on! The ups and downs are going to kill you. You have to give yourself a break.
Separation is a lot like dealing with the death of a loved one. There is the shock, then the anger/grief and finally the acceptance and the act of moving on. The problem is, death is easier because the person truly IS gone. With separation, especially with kids in the mix, you still have to deal with your estranged spouse. It's harder in many ways.
However, you are slowly getting to the acceptance/moving on point and you AND your kids will be better off in the end.
The 180 isn't "getting back" at your husband. It's allowing you to break away and give yourself and him the freedom to make the right decisions for yourselves and your marriage. You need to make changes to yourself so that you can become whole and happy without him. He needs to figure out that you are independent and strong, as well as realize that there can be and will be serious consequences for his actions and decisions. If you are always available, always there, emailing, texting, talking then he'll never figure this out...He'll always assume that he can have it anyway he wants it. He has to see that he can't have his cake and eat it too.
Sometimes you have to walk away to get something back. If it doesn't come back, it wasn't meant to be. This is a play on another saying, I know, but it makes sense, trust me.
I'm not just looking to console you..I'm encouraging you. There's a life out there to be lived, even without your husband. Go live it Girlfriend!
If you live in NJ, PM me, we'll go out and party together.
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
I'm OK babyheart...for some reason the 3 things that he listed about me are giving me some closure...i'm glad he realizes what a catch i am...
The fact that i have never lied to him and told him every single thing ,plus that i would never cheat...i could have cheated a million times and he knows that but i never did...i'm a faithful person and it's hard to find people like that now a days...it's his loss.
I really wish we could hang out ...can u imagine how much power we would have...
(((( hugs))))
well i guess this is it for us.... 
*hugs tightly* I think we should all just get a big house and live in it together!
