vivea

He sent me 2 texts beforehand :
1.Check your email,take your time with writing back.
2.Want you to think about your answers and search your heart b4 answering.


His Email:



WHAT DO I DO ,should i write back of what he is asking?????????

Marigold

sadly, i'm obviously no expert in relationships, but maybe just take time to think how you want to reply. It is very confusing to be told 'yes no yes no' - it leaves you very emotionally unsteady, drained and vulnerable.

The way I see it, taking your time to discover what YOU really want is the way forward.....it is very hard and I think it takes a long time. But if you can paddle your own canoe without him rocking you around, you will feel stronger.....

when you know what you truely feel is for the best, then you will know how to answer - if you want him back and he does too, then that will be wonderful, if you want him back and he decides he wants to go his own way, then you will have more strength to deal with that if you have stabilized yourself alone. If you don't want him back then that's your call.

It is very difficult to put yourself in the driving seat but try to remind yourself that you are a wonderful person and you ARE able to decide for yourself.....

this is what I am trying to do.....it is easy to know in your head, but not so easy to really feel it!

vivea

Thanks Marigold...i responded....in a very neutral way...gave him some points ...didn't talk about future...all past...did not convince him of anything but asked one final Q at the end...is what we talked over the phone his final ?!....
we'll see if/when he responds


don't get his confusion...i never will,he told me he's happy on his own ,that he doesn't have anybody else in his life....and than 2 hrs later he asks me that kind of Q...this has got to be diagnosable...

Babyheart

What the heck? I don't understand the man? He was trying to see how in love with HIM you are, and not that you are doing this just for the sake of the kids.
It sounds like he needs to feel like the most important thing in your life & is resenting you putting the children first (childish yes, I have the same issue with my husband it appears.)

Crankshaw

from my point of view, not so childish, can lead to the to him feeling more & more left on the outer, wife spends more and more time with the kids, can get to the point where they have no time for H & W

__________________
Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.

vivea

I have never put him 2nd though...never ever...he was the one not spending enough time with me...i never had to choose between my kids and him...he was always missing...working nights...
I think he wanted to know if i want to get back with him only because of the kids...weird because i made it clear to him numerous times that I LOVE HIM.....WTF?!
In my head all day i have been envisioning me without him...for the 1st time...it's hard but i'm trying to make plans for myself and the kids.

Runs like Dog

I guess I'm old school. I would not respond to TEXTS in this general sphere of topics. Pick up a damn phone, ya coward!

Crankshaw

Sorrry, never meant to come across as you had him second (or lower) on the affection ladder.

Yeah, sort of like that for me, thinking I am going to not get back with W any time soon if at all.

__________________
Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.

Crankshaw

beauty of texting / email is there is no way you can get drawn into a screaming match, and you have time to think before you send anything

__________________
Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.

Sakaye

Well the downside of emailing/texting? Too easy to misread emotions, feelings, etc. Too open for mis-interpretations. Even phone calls can be like that. I choose face to face conversation whenever possible.

But Vivea, I swear, your husband and my husband must know each other, be related or something, because they are both the same. Idk Bipolar disorder? Seriously, one day my husband says the same thing, with the exception of adding the too young excuse. "I like my freedom. I can't be tied down with all these responsibilities. I need my space. I'm too young, and never had much experience . . ." blah blah blah. Then when its time for confrontation, he needs to touch me, wants to kiss me, etc. Like a crazy. This yo yo is so detrimental to us Vivea. Makes us crazy, seriously. I think its good you kept it neutral. Im trying to be that way too. I give you kudos for that. I have no idea how to progress from here on out. Sometimes I think it would've been easier if he did cheat. I have zero tolerance for a cheating husband or even boyfriend for that matter. The pain would still be there, but the yoyo effect would be out of the picture.
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vivea

Sakaye...yeah well...the truth is H. never told me he wants me back ...he said it's wrong what he is doing a few times...says a lot that he is confused but the truth is he never told me he loves me,at least not in a romantic meaning .

Today i was thinking ....the truth is I am so very disappointed in him that I'm not sure anymore I want him back. I think i will struggle big time if we get back together.I'm sad but i discovered that I'm more sad for the kids than for myself.

I still haven't heard from him and i think he will call in an hour before he goes to work and i'm dreading that call not because he will tell me again NO but because i really do not want to hear his voice.
I'm actually not sure if i'll pick up the phone !I'd rather him send me an Email,because i think when he writes the words he can feel them and he deserves to feel them.

DjF

Morning Vivea...I'd just let the dude waste away...he's nowhere deserving of a prize like you!!!

Take care of the kids, yourself...spoil yourself today!

__________________
I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...

bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...

vivea

I just sent him an Email.

AmImad

Damn Girl we are in exactly the same relationship He tells me he loves me but not 'In love' with me, that he cares about me (HA)
He's said he's confused, now he's saying he's not... I bloody am

I feel the same, I feel strong one day and think I deserve better, then the following I miss he him so damn much!

The stupid thing is.. I don't see him, I don't really talk to him, why am I missing him so much? I just can't pretend he doesn't exist..

__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

vivea

H. still says that is confused...i wish he would stop saying that...