Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Alberta, Canada
I just returned from visiting my folks in the south, I was gone for a week. We had a good time and they were very happy with my visit. It was good to get away and I had lots of time to read.
My W file for divorce when I was gone, I was surprise with my reaction, I wasn't upset. I suspected she was going to do it when I was gone. I have come to the conclusion that I can't change my wife's attitude, but I certainly have control over my own attitude. I have change my actions and attitudes, for the better of me. It has positive effects towards my W. She has started to relax her attitude. I'm not saying she has or is willing to reconcile.
I have found some inner peace by reading lots. Most of what I have read, is from Gary Chapman and John Gottman. I see some of you have read The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. Here is a list of what I have been reading or read.
The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Hope For The Separated, Gary Chapman
The Five Languages of Apology, Gary Chapman/Jennifer Thomas
The Four Seasons of Marriage, Gary Chapman
The Marriage You've Always Wanted, Gary Chapman
Love as a Way of Life, Gary Chapman
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman
The Relationship Cure, John Gottman
10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, John/Julie Gottman
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, John Gottman
The Holy Bible.
I have more, from other authors, but this list has had the most impact on me so far, especially the first two and the last one. I know that it's hard to show love when your not receiving love, and the internal war going on between the Heart and the Mind is extreme. All I can say, I have found the strength to do the best that I can for my W and show her that she is a priority in my life. I can see some things are changing for the better. When I do something to change me, for the better, it reflects change in the love ones (Wife & Kids) around me. I can see this in my W. I'm not saying that we are going to reconcile our marriage, and I don't have any false hopes. I have started the ground work for rebuilding our relationship, and it seems to be working. I have made important changes in my life and put my W's priorities ahead of mind, without sacrificing my self respect and dignity. I know that whatever comes from all of this, I can hold my head with pride, knowing I did the best that I can for myself and my W.
I'm sorry for the long winded peach, I don't have all the answers, and I'm not pretending too. I'm not under the illusion of pretty bunnies and rainbows. It is very hard going through this (for me, my kids and all of us here). I can see that all of us here is taking the road less traveled for reconciliation. All that I have done and will continue to do has given me a sense of calm and some inner peace. My prayers go out to all of us.