I cheated and regret it...
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Old 03-06-2011, 12:56 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I cheated and regret it...

I have been married for only 4 months and I messed up and cheated on my pregnet wife. If there was any such thing as a time machine I would buy one and put it to good use. I just love values of my morals. And on top of that I cheated on her with her brothers kids mom. To add to the confusion. She has loved me unconditionaly for our entire releationship. I just feel like this is the last straw and I don't know how to deal with it. We already have a 2 year old son, and out of anger she does not allow me to see him. I understand she is upset with me, and has every right to be but I don't believe she is being mature by putting our kids in our adult issues. She filed for a divorce and we are currently going through it, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to stop it. Everyday is a struggle for me to deal with this issue. If someone has been through something similar or has any advise to help me repair my family please let me know? Please!!
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Old 03-06-2011, 03:13 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated and regret it...

There is no silver bullet here. Talk to your wife and ask to go to MC and put the D on hold. People to change and forgive.

However, its up to your wife to make that choice, and if she does CHANGE.
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Old 03-06-2011, 06:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfuseD2345 View Post
I have been married for only 4 months and I messed up and cheated on my pregnet wife. If there was any such thing as a time machine I would buy one and put it to good use. I just love values of my morals. And on top of that I cheated on her with her brothers kids mom. To add to the confusion. She has loved me unconditionaly for our entire releationship.
Her brother's kids mom? Her sister-in-law? So you've ruined not just one marriage..but two. Very nice.

I gotta tell you..Do the poor woman a favor and give her a divorce and pay her WHATEVER she wants in support and get the heck out of her life. She doesn't want you to see the kids? Fine. Stay the hell away and let it be. You have no right to ANYTHING. You weren't thinking about your kids when you screwed around on your wife and broke your marital vows. And she's pregnant with the second kid. How about YOU start acting mature?

Then go get yourself fixed. You are sick. I wouldn't take you back. Don't ruin her life or your kid's life. Stay away.
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Old 03-06-2011, 07:27 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated and regret it...

I agree with FOL. This is harsh and not helpful to you so don't read if you are not prepared. I applaud your wife for getting rid of you so resolutely. She is obviously a good woman with enough self respect and love of her children and her brother cut out a cancer that invaded a good family. Getting rid of you will get them on the way to recovery.

You could have cheated on her with a stranger, or waited till after the baby at least, or get a prostitute but you could not deny yourself pleasure of humiliating her and HER BROTHER. It is interesting how you wrote it but, that's what you did. This was a member of your pregnant wife's family and you are the type of person who could not stop yourself from such a lowly act of humiliation and betrayal, while she was having your child at the same time.

Why do you want back in, why would they want to look at you for the years to come? Why do you want to inflict them with the constant pain of your presence? Get out of their lives and let them heal.You really think that she is immature in her decision to protect her kids from an amoral man. What does that make you, you destroyed the stabilty of two families, both involving your wifes family and you risked your own unborn child by putting this stress on the mother so you could sow your wild oats like a man. Can she be blamed for wanting to protect her children from a man who placed so little value on them. Who knows, you may get the urge to chase a little tail and leave them home alone.

I think you are pissed that your wife knew you were a throw away man not worth having in her life. It is hard for me and probably your wife to believe that you sudenly developed a concern for your children. Its not really about your children is it, if it were you would not have destroyed their lives, their uncle, aunt and cousins lives so be honest and don't make trouble. What are you worth compared to their lives? Your wife will marry and they will have a decent stepdad, very common scernerio.

Have you cheated before? Have you done other dishonest things? Are you the type of person whobhas spent yourn life concerned with yourself and no one else? If you can do this terrible thing, i I doubt that you are a person that has ever had self-control, compassion and empathy in any areas of your life. You have probably destroyed so many people in the service of you sexual pleasure. You should regret what you lost, you threw away diamonds to grab a piece of coal.

With the quality of woman that your sbx is, as evidenced by the fact that she is cut out a cancer on her family, you were really out of your league anyway. Your regret is because you realize you foolishness at not recognizing the value of what you had. Be honest with youself at lest, if you can manage that, are you sorry for the evil you did or sorry you were found out. You did not confess did you. Did you start feeling sorry only after you were found out? You know you will never be lucky enough to have a woman with the qualities of your wife nor have the blessings of a first born son and second child. Why don't you go chase your penis around and have fun, your free to do that now.
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Old 03-06-2011, 09:19 PM   #5 (permalink)
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...and married for only 4 months......?!!? you've said the sacred vows to love her only 4 months ago.......speechless
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Old 03-06-2011, 10:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Yeah I understand where everyone is coming from.. I am a coward for what I did to her, but I didn't cheat on my son. There is no reason in my opinion I can't continue to be a great father to him because she is angry at me. In my opinion immature for putting children in adult problems. And to whoever asked it I have never cheated in my life, first time and truth be told the only reason I did was because she cheated on me first right before we got married. I thought I would be strong enough to get over it and forgive her. But for some reason I never got over it and thought that what I did would make me feel better and teach her a lesson. But in all reality just made everything worse and eventually ruined it all. I know everyone reading my post probley thinks I'm the most horrible person in the world. But I really do have a good heart, and just made a honest to god mistake. And no her brother and kids mom were not married. They just have kids together. I wish I could take it all back thanks to me now my kids will never know what a true family is. I messed up and don't know how I am giong to live with my self.
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Old 03-06-2011, 10:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
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You think your son is not involved? When did you get your good heart, was it before or after the revenge. When did you become a good father let alone a good man - you chose revenge over the stability of your kids lives. I think they can do fine without a man as small as you are to seek revenge on their mother while she is pregnant with his child. Did you think about being a good father to your unborn child, when you subjected the mother to such stress? I think that might qualify as involving children in adult problem. Justify you way out of that, good man.

So you used your brothers in laws WIFE to get revenge on your wife? If it did back fire it would have been a master stroke my good man. But would a good father do that? So now your sbx is ahead by two, she ditching you, keeping her children away and she cheated on you, are you sure you new found fatherhood is not because you have been bested yet again by your sbx. You must be seething to be bested by her and she taking her revenge out on you now. When you begin down that path, you spiral down, I am surprised a good man such as yourself did not know that. You might try wisdom next time.

BTW, good man with the good heart,.what did her brother and his kids do to you and his wife that you used for that matter? Your need for revenge was so important that it eclipsed the pain you inflicted on so many lives, good man. You are still looking for revenge and you know it. You did not care about your kid when you hatched your plan..

BTW the fact that you justify your actions by saying that her brother and his wife were not legally married, is an indication of how you think. How many good men would rationalize using his sister in law, hurting his own children including an unborn one, just to satify his desire to get revenge. You are not a good man, look at what you have done - did you go out and share your tale of revenge with your family and friends did they slap you on the back and tell you thar you are a good man. A good person distinguishes themseves by actions, not words.

Last edited by Catherine602; 03-06-2011 at 11:15 PM.
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Old 03-06-2011, 11:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated and regret it...

No, she is not right to keep your son from you, nor your next child. But she probably cannot trust you with them, you have shown such poor judgment. Hurting her was bad enough--betrayal is always so awful, but you took it to such an extreme level. I guess you are having trouble seeing that. You didn't just take revenge--you took it x4--betrayal while she's pg, with her brother's partner, only 4 months after marriage. Really, I have to say this is about the most extreme case of betrayal I've ever heard of, and I'm including the occasional story of "slept with my wife's sister."

So, if you intend to parent your children, demonstrate a willingness to acknowledge how badly you behaved. To meet her 1/2 way, have a neutral party act as a go-between so she never has to have direct contact with you. If necessary, submit to supervised visits for a while. Demonstrate that you intend to treat your children much better than you treated her and the rest of her family--True contrition on your part is about all you can offer, so offer that fully--swallow your pride and stop judging her. Do the right thing now, even though it will be difficult. Accept that you can never be part of her family and so make it easy for them; that's about the only way you can prove you are really sorry.
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Old 03-06-2011, 11:19 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated and regret it...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfuseD2345 View Post
Yeah I understand where everyone is coming from.. I am a coward for what I did to her, but I didn't cheat on my son. There is no reason in my opinion I can't continue to be a great father to him because she is angry at me. In my opinion immature for putting children in adult problems. And to whoever asked it I have never cheated in my life, first time and truth be told the only reason I did was because she cheated on me first right before we got married. I thought I would be strong enough to get over it and forgive her. But for some reason I never got over it and thought that what I did would make me feel better and teach her a lesson.
Dude, you better GET over yourself and crawl under that rock from whence you came. You are just digging a bigger hole for yourself with explanations like this!

You shouldn't have gotten married but you DID marry and then you proceed to mess around with her brother's SO out of pure spite and revenge? Oh that's GREAT!! Very mature. You should be there for your son so you can provide a wonderful role model, eh? *sarcasm*

Why don't you just stay the hell away from them? You've done enough damage. I hope she gets a good lawyer and sues you for every cent you have. You don't deserve to be a father.

And yes, you DID cheat on your son. You committed adultery and broke up your family. Plain and simple. So now swallow your pride and get some therapy so you can figure yourself out.
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D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013
And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
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Old 03-06-2011, 11:28 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConfuseD2345 View Post
Yeah I understand where everyone is coming from.. I am a coward for what I did to her, but I didn't cheat on my son. There is no reason in my opinion I can't continue to be a great father to him because she is angry at me. In my opinion immature for putting children in adult problems. And to whoever asked it I have never cheated in my life, first time and truth be told the only reason I did was because she cheated on me first right before we got married. I thought I would be strong enough to get over it and forgive her. But for some reason I never got over it and thought that what I did would make me feel better and teach her a lesson. But in all reality just made everything worse and eventually ruined it all. I know everyone reading my post probley thinks I'm the most horrible person in the world. But I really do have a good heart, and just made a honest to god mistake. And no her brother and kids mom were not married. They just have kids together. I wish I could take it all back thanks to me now my kids will never know what a true family is. I messed up and don't know how I am giong to live with my self.
When I read your last sentence I got worried..look this is no time to fade, make yourself proud by comming back better than ever. Show your kids what it is to be a man. When you make a mistake you own up, take the responsibility to atone to their mother and to your kids. They need you, now is not the time to lose faith in yourself you have opurtunity to grow that is really what life trials are for. Not to make us not want to live, but to make us want to live better. I have faith that you can do it, just turn your feelings outwards and make it work for you and your kids. You can make your self feel better if you genuinely forgive your wife, you will then be able to forgive yourself.
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Old 03-06-2011, 11:37 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I was feeling bad for what I did and taking your criticism serious, until someone said I wasn't a good father and sue me? LOL your crazy, adultery isn't a crime. It happens to people everyday multiple times and sounds like a few of you have experienced it yourself. I'm just man enough to accept my wrong and try to change for the better and learn from my mistakes. There are people out here that do way worse stuff then what I did. I'm only human. It's not like I'm out here murdering people, doing drugs, raping women, robbing the old people, etc. Like I said I'm only human, at least I can admit I'm wrong. There are tons of people in this world who do what I've done but have no shame and will probley do it again. So you really have no right to say I'm not a good father. HAA! But besides that honestly thanks to all your perfect people for helping motivate me just a little bit more then I already was to prove everyone wrong.

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Old 03-06-2011, 11:40 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Thanks! Honestly!
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Old 03-07-2011, 01:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I cheated and regret it...

Dude. Listen, man: just remember that both you and she are entitled to your emotions. Whether that is guilt, anger, sadness, pain, disappointment, or confusion: don't use each other's emotions as weapons. Of course people on this forum are going to come down hard on you. Reading some of the other horror stories on here, are you surprised?

Unless you are violent or on drugs (or something equally horrific), you will be able to see your children. Period. Go to counseling ASAP so you can sort this stuff out with the help of a trained professional. Do that YESTERDAY! You wll no doubt be surprised at what you uncover, as long as you are 100% open and honest with ur counsellor. I wish you the best of luck with everything you have and will soon have on your plate.
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