On the 15th November last year I asked my husband if something was wrong, he had been acting distant and weird for a few weeks. He asked me if I loved him and I said yes of course I love you, do you love me... and he said no
Since then things have just gone downhill.. to start with he said he wanted to work on things and then after a few weeks he said he wanted to move out into a place of his own.
We decided that we would wait until after Christmas to say anything to the kids and then I ended up going to my sisters for the first 2 weeks in January as a final attempt to try and give him space and hoping that while I was away he would change his mind or come to his senses. When I got home he told me that he still felt the same and he was going to stay with his friend until he found a place of his own. The next day we went to see the counsellor together and it was awful, there was nothing that was going to make him change his mind and stay. We told the kids that afternoon when we got home from the counsellors, it was one of the worst things I have ever had to do and we were both crying when we told them.
That was the 17th January and since then he has moved into a house of his own. He is happy with how things are now and happy living on his own. The kids are currently spending a week with me and then a week with him. When I don’t have the kids I struggle to cope, it is so so quiet without them at home.
I have tried to get out and do things, going to friends, exercising etc but nothing makes me feel better. It is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep at night
We are both still seeing the counsellor but separately since he left.
Yesterday I had a talk to him and told him that all i wanted was for him to come home and try and work on things. He told me he doesn’t love me and he can’t see that changing for a long time if ever. He has been feeling like this for at least 12 months. He also said that he is starting a new life now without me and at the moment he can’t see us ever getting back together and that it wouldn’t bother him if I went out to dinner or the movies with another guy.
The counsellor suggested that we have a “date” every week or 2 and we have been to lunch a couple of times since he left, but when we go he can’t even look at me. He says he doesn’t want to have fun or enjoy himself because if he does I will think that we are going to get back together.
I honestly don’t know what else to do... this is the worst thing I have ever gone through and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
There is definitely no one else, I’ve asked him, the Counsellors asked him and both of our families have asked him and he has said that is not what this is about.
He just doesn’t love me anymore, there is no attraction or connection and he just sees me as the mother of his children.
Never in a million years did I think this would happen to me.
My husband and I are both 34 and have been married for 9 years this year but together for quite a few years before that.
sadangel...my story is almost identical...9 years of marriage (in Aug it'll be 10) and 2 small children ... told me he doesn't love me ..no connection...moved out and has been on his own since Dec1st.
He kind of reconciled with me a few days ago but we live in different states and hopefully will move in together at the end of next month.
He started making some plans for us as a family and couple but the connection that we had is really broken at the moment...we will work on it when i am able to physically see him.
He calls now 1 or 2 times a day and we talk but the conversations are not really about "us" yet...It's very hard.
I'm sorry you're also going through this HELL.This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and i still can't believe that my lovely amazing husband would do something like that to me.
hugs
That's so sad. My H and I are going through a rough time, but he says he loves me so much. He has no hope that we can work this out, and he won't say he wants to try. But he says he does want us to be happy. He's all depressed and going through some sort of midlife crisis. He's almost 34 and I'm 32. We've been married 10 years. I think this happens sometimes. Do some reading and try to focus on you. Make the changes necessary to where he doesn't think you'll always be there. Read Divorce Busters. Good luck.
Almost the same here. 10 years & 3 children, he felt that he became a fixture in the house & decided to move out. Not sure where we are going at this point.
It is such a horrible place to be in. Lonely & scary.
Almost the same here. 10 years & 3 children, he felt that he became a fixture in the house & decided to move out. Not sure where we are going at this point.
It is such a horrible place to be in. Lonely & scary.
My story is in my profile. I was told that my wife didn't see a future between us 6 months into counseling. 2 months of separation later we are happy.
My wife didn't tell me how unhappy she was for a long time.
Your husband will probably need space and time to figure his sh*t out. Hopefully he decides he wants back in and wants to tell you about and work on the issues.
sadangel...my story is almost identical...9 years of marriage (in Aug it'll be 10) and 2 small children ... told me he doesn't love me ..no connection...moved out and has been on his own since Dec1st.
He kind of reconciled with me a few days ago but we live in different states and hopefully will move in together at the end of next month.
He started making some plans for us as a family and couple but the connection that we had is really broken at the moment...we will work on it when i am able to physically see him.
He calls now 1 or 2 times a day and we talk but the conversations are not really about "us" yet...It's very hard.
I'm sorry you're also going through this HELL.This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and i still can't believe that my lovely amazing husband would do something like that to me.
hugs
Thanks Vivea, its good that you have some hope and hopefully things continue to improve for you guys! You're right it is hell, i feel like I'm living in a nightmare!
That's so sad. My H and I are going through a rough time, but he says he loves me so much. He has no hope that we can work this out, and he won't say he wants to try. But he says he does want us to be happy. He's all depressed and going through some sort of midlife crisis. He's almost 34 and I'm 32. We've been married 10 years. I think this happens sometimes. Do some reading and try to focus on you. Make the changes necessary to where he doesn't think you'll always be there. Read Divorce Busters. Good luck.
Thanks It's positive that your husband still loves you for sure! My husband tells me everytime we talk about our relationship that he definitely doesnt love me... it hurts so much.
I am sure that my hubby is having some sort of crisis, I'm just really disappointed that rather than giving things a good shot he has just walked away.. all those years meant nothing
Almost the same here. 10 years & 3 children, he felt that he became a fixture in the house & decided to move out. Not sure where we are going at this point.
It is such a horrible place to be in. Lonely & scary.
Yep it is very scary.. I hate to even think about moving on or even worse him moving on and being with someone else, makes me feel so sick!
My story is in my profile. I was told that my wife didn't see a future between us 6 months into counseling. 2 months of separation later we are happy.
My wife didn't tell me how unhappy she was for a long time.
Your husband will probably need space and time to figure his sh*t out. Hopefully he decides he wants back in and wants to tell you about and work on the issues.
Best of luck in your story.
Hey Anx, thanks for that and how awesome that you guys are working things out! I so hope that my hubby changes his mind or at least decides that working on things is what he wants to do. It sucks being so out of control in a situation though.. not being able to do anything is awful!
It's hard to see that what he is doing is making him happy... how can leaving your wife and family make u happy?
My husband tells me everytime we talk about our relationship that he definitely doesnt love me... it hurts so much.
H. said that to me a few times as well....,sounded so sure about it , told me uglier things than that actually....things that i would never in a million years think he can say about me...
He did tell me though numerous times that he is very confused...in our story there are factors that could have confused him ,there was a lot of stress for him at that time as well...
He's told me 2 times that he believes this is it,after the 1st time he called the next day and said that he takes that back and he felt that it isn't right and he needs more time to figure himself out.The second time he told me it's over and he was really sure it...2 hrs later i received email and he was telling me that he felt sick to his stomach after the conversation...so he was still not sure and felt is wrong.
He also told me that he is happy on his own,no stress etc....really painful to hear that. In out case also there is no OW,it's important.
I guess it is possible for a person to get really confused due to stress or just get confused. If he is one of these people he'll reach out to you at one point.
Meanwhile keep writing on here, It's like a therapy .People are amazing and understand what you're going through,you will not find that kind of support anywhere else.
H. said that to me a few times as well....,sounded so sure about it , told me uglier things than that actually....things that i would never in a million years think he can say about me...
He did tell me though numerous times that he is very confused...in our story there are factors that could have confused him ,there was a lot of stress for him at that time as well...
He's told me 2 times that he believes this is it,after the 1st time he called the next day and said that he takes that back and he felt that it isn't right and he needs more time to figure himself out.The second time he told me it's over and he was really sure it...2 hrs later i received email and he was telling me that he felt sick to his stomach after the conversation...so he was still not sure and felt is wrong.
He also told me that he is happy on his own,no stress etc....really painful to hear that. In out case also there is no OW,it's important.
I guess it is possible for a person to get really confused due to stress or just get confused. If he is one of these people he'll reach out to you at one point.
Meanwhile keep writing on here, It's like a therapy .People are amazing and understand what you're going through,you will not find that kind of support anywhere else.
Thanks I definitely need something to help me at the moment.. I feel like I should be seeing my counsellor every day lol
I am still living in hope that he changes his mind, however he hasnt given me any indication that he has felt any different to when he first left..
I hope that everything works out well for you guys at least you have some positive stuff going on for you at the moment
I feel your pain Sad Angel,
My wife checked out of our marriage without any reason a few month ago. To this day I still do not know anything because she only says that it is not my fault but will not open up to me. I am living day by day preparing myself to move on with my daughter.I have never felt so sick in my life, I fear everything like the whole world has crumbled. I wish you the best and pray everyday for your family, and use this sight for all the support needed. I love everyone here, this forum is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Never thought this would happen to me 
It's positive that your husband still loves you for sure! My husband tells me everytime we talk about our relationship that he definitely doesnt love me... it hurts so much.
