capacity83

Hi people...


I had another post somewhere on this forums before explaining my situation. But anyway... Things got worst between me and my wife. Myself 28 , she 22. One child 4 yrs old. Dated and married for 6 yrs. just a short introduction. I was her first bf, first kiss etc etc, got with her when she wus 16. Was violent with her once while she was pregnant due to her aggravating ways.. couldnt help it.. but no excuse it was still my fault for putting my hands on her neck and pushing her. Basically shes bringing up everything ive ever done and using it against me... she did also contribute to our marriage failure for always putting her friends above me. A month and half ago she gave me the "i need space" " im in love with u but not in love with you" speech. I gave her time but i found out she was hanging around this guy and his group. Shes young, very attractive and smart. The guy a total douche and playboy. Two nights ago i went to the club she always goes to. I couldnt take it anymore when i saw him and her and another girl sitting together. I ran up and pushed him. His mates jumped me from the side and ended up with a cut lip. I was bloody at the point and she was like "wtf are you doing this!!" screamed at me and says "we're just friends, whats wrong with u" slaps me and says "im not your wife". Shes been lying to me recently as well... i dont even know if shes sleeping with him. Nearly had a one on one but the guy says "hes just there to protect the girls" im like yeh right... so many girls there why my wife.. i really dont believe this ****... i feel there is something going on but they're hiding it too well. Ive now moved out with my son to my sisters place for the first time away from her. I feel she has changed so much from a caring, responsible mother who is now a party animal who loves getting drunk leaving me and my son at home alone. Right now shes telling me there's no hope.. she aint getting back with me no matter what. Keeps saying no matter what i do wont change a thing... I feel she's in denial... she says gradually she has lost feelings for me bit by bit until now... she doesnt feel much. The night when i got beaten up.. we kissed by the bar in the club with the guy there as well... but said "i dont love u anymore ... but i still want u"... im such an idiot for letting her emotionally feeding on me.. i still have stuff at her place... going to move out.. she wants to keep our child because she says to the whole world that she loves him. I feel the opposite.. if u realy cared about your son... you wouldnt tear our family apart and give us one last shot... she knows i will change to a better person.. not that i was ever that bad... i cook, i clean, i wash.. i buy her expensive gifts... my family loves her... i really dont know... i feel shes going through depression due to her parents getting divorced... tried to help but she wont let me in. Im helpless.. i really dont want her to get custody of my child... i love him and i will take good care of him... she neglects him at home.. always on her iphone4 or mac chatting away to her friends.. just lets him watch tv and play with his cousins at home.. I dont know people... what can i do...i love her so much... and i really dont want our family to end..

alicewonderland

I think you need to tell her what you think. She probably doesnt feel safe around you and needs to know that you love her and she will be safe with you. Move in again and tell her that you want to be the person who takes out her for a good time and do it. Sometimes we take each other for granted and for get to nice to each other. You may need to deal with the possibility of another man but how much do you want this to work??

capacity83

been trying that for the last 2 months... she keeps saying that theres nothing i can do to change the way she feels... i really dont know anymore..i told her that shes the girls of my dreams and if she could give us another chance i would change everything.. she knows its right too but just "wont" give it another shot... :/.... im out of ideas..

Powerbane

Start doing a 180.

Ignore the heck out of her. File for divorce. You can always stop the process.

She doesn't respect you and knows she can run all over you.

Take back your manhood and hand her the walking papers. GTFO

Filing may be what it takes to wake her up - that and stop acting all needy. Lay down the law, state your boundaries once and move on.
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alicewonderland

As per above I think that is a little harsh. My husband did that to me and in my opinion I took that as its over. Sometimes if you react like this it opens the door to the end of the relationship.

All I can say is give it another shot by doing something you know will touch her heart. Then wait. The old saying is If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it dosent, then it was never meant to be. You may then need to face the reality of what it really is which will be difficult but time heals.

PBear

You talk about all the things you're doing right, and how you're a good husband. But you start by saying you physically abused her. That you "couldn't help it", and it was due to her aggravating ways... You "got with her" when she was 16 and you would have been 22. There's a lot of big alarm bells in my mind right there with regards to your relationship, but I obviously don't know any details.

My first thought is that you should spend some serious time trying to work out your part in the relationship problems. You both share responsibility for where things are at, and your best chance (in my opinion) at getting her back is for you to prove to her that you accept your responsibility and are making progress at fixing your issues. Individual counselling would be my suggestion.

That may mean that she still wants a separation. But why should you be the one to move out of the house/family home in that case? Who's the best one to take care of your child? Can you stay in the home and make adequate arrangements for his care? If so, tell her to move out if she wants a separation/divorce, and work on your issues.

Maybe a reality check for her with regards to being self supporting would do her some good. Making an assumption, if you're the primary income, cut back any support back to a bare minimum. Don't support her bar-hopping lifestyle, complete with iPhone and Internet access. Let her get a taste of what it's going to be like if she does separate/divorce.

C