being separated from wife/family
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Old 09-15-2008, 09:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default being separated from wife/family

hi...
I've been staying at my parents for almost two months now since my wife asked me to leave our home. Without argument, I left my wife, my two step children and granddaughter whom we were raising.

I am in a complicated situation. I lied to my wife about taking pain medicine. I had several back surgeries. I had been taking this medicine far before I met her, but never disclosed it. Of course, I should have. I work every day, take care of the kids, do my chores, etc, etc. I take medicine prescribed..I don't abuse it..I don't take more. I actually take less than prescribed. But, the fact remains..I lied. The stigma attached to pain medicine always make me want to hide it. I have never told anyone what I take. But, I should of told my wife.

She has dealt with addiction in her family. Not her, but her daughter. Her ex husband.. Her daughter's father...So, when I disclosed this to her, my belief is she felt like she had another addict around. I can understand why she would feel this. I can see where it comes from.

Besides the fact that I lied, I don't know what she is feeling because she will not speak to me except for direct questions with regards to children or money..etc.. She won't respond to any letter or email or phone call, except to answer those direct questions.

I try my best to be patient. I love my wife. I love all of my kids. I love my grandaughter. I love my family. I miss all of them very much. I think am a good person who made a very bad judgment call. Why? I don't know. Afraid of something I guess..

But after two months away, I don't know how to get her to speak to me. I want my marriage to work. I want to grow old with them. I want her to speak with me. We have only been married for about 3 years. I am willing to go to marriage counseling, but she said at the beginning of all of this she would, but not now...??

Any suggestions? I don't want to push her away...but I don't want her to drift away either...

thanks
rm
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Old 09-16-2008, 06:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: being separated from wife/family

Well if what you say is true then it sounds like she is having some post traumatic stress from her own past and taking it out on you. this is not uncommon but probably one of the most frustrating situations because there is not much you can do about it, in my opinion of course. I think its important that you realize that its not you (that is if you are being completely honest). If my H lied about taking meds i would think it was odd, but certainly not so extreme as separating over.

there are a lot of posts on here about how people are dealing with separation and what they are doing to resolve the issue. I hope you find something useful that can help you.
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Old 09-16-2008, 09:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: being separated from wife/family

a doctor prescribed it, right? does she not trust this doctor to your well-being? it's about the type of medication, i'm sure. have you had substance abuse problems before, or was it just her family members? no need to get defensive towards her now, but she needs to talk to a professional, including maybe the prescribing physician, about the use of and need for these pain killers and the docs method of monitoring for overuse. but to want to separate over this?!?!
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