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Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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Old 03-17-2011, 10:48 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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yeah, you kind of messed up. Its not easy to change how you communicate.

I think it means no trust and that so often "talks" go instantly to arguments. Its draining to constantly try to avoid arguments.

Even when you hard 180 (which you aren't at yet) and let him be in control of when the relationship is discussed, it takes a while for it to sink in and to open back up.
I know I know. Today's a new day, right?! Funny thing is we don't really argue. We just discuss. But in his state any conversation is counted in the same category. I just want him to realize that he needs to let the positives in and stop focusing on the negatives. But I guess I can't make him see that. I'm so freaking lonely and just want to hear him tell me he misses me, but I know he doesn't. And I'm just going to have to give it time.
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:09 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

I am sorry you are going through this. The only thing I can say to you is this. You need to list some activities you can do when you have the urge to call or text him. Think of yourself. You are beating yourself up because of HIS feelings. Just let him talk to the kids,if you need to discuss something such as the ear infection, just text ththe basics. Don't discuss your feelings.

I tried discussing how I felt,how he felt,what can we do,etc.... itdid not work until I thought of myself and how unhappy the situation was making me and my kids. I was ANGRY! He had the issues that he didn't want to cope and handle the stress,not me! When he figured out that I was no longer his emotional doormat,that is when everything changed. You really don't want to get to the point I did because I was ready to walk out. You need to set your boundries, and stick to it or you will keep this emotional roller coaster going. It is not fun! Get off the roller coaster and do what you need to for you! Good luck and hugs coming your way!
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:23 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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Today's a new day, right?!
YES!

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Funny thing is we don't really argue. We just discuss.
My wife said the same thing. Even hinting at anything do to with the relationship = arguing. :-/

He said he loves you and always will. I know that doesn't mean he said he misses you, but its REALLY close. It really is very good that he says that.

A few weeks of a hard 180 would be SO important.

Again, I don't think I would survive in your situation. I was SO desperate for my wife to say she wanted to come back after separation. The unknown KILLED me ever day. I started breaking down and slipping into depression and told my wife that. She knew how much I was hurting to the point that I couldn't function around her anymore. I told her there may not be much of a man to come back to in two months.
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:32 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

Lonely...my H. has told me so many times he doesn't love me ,not in love with me ...BUt he will always love me
Don't read too much into that,they are confused. If you can feel that he still has love for you than i bet it's the case.words do not matter much to me,what you feel is more important.At that point they feel negative ,that is why they say negative things.
I think it's great that he tells you he loves you and always will.It's a good sign!
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:35 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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YES!

My wife said the same thing. Even hinting at anything do to with the relationship = arguing. :-/

He said he loves you and always will. I know that doesn't mean he said he misses you, but its REALLY close. It really is very good that he says that.

A few weeks of a hard 180 would be SO important.

Again, I don't think I would survive in your situation. I was SO desperate for my wife to say she wanted to come back after separation. The unknown KILLED me ever day. I started breaking down and slipping into depression and told my wife that. She knew how much I was hurting to the point that I couldn't function around her anymore. I told her there may not be much of a man to come back to in two months.
This is how I feel! I need something to calm my mind. It's so hard to get off the floor. Now he's messaging me on facebook asking why I didn't respond to his text. Asking what we are doing today. It's torture!
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Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
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Old 03-17-2011, 11:40 AM   #21 (permalink)
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This is how I feel! I need something to calm my mind. It's so hard to get off the floor. Now he's messaging me on facebook asking why I didn't respond to his text. Asking what we are doing today. It's torture!
just say you didn't hear the phone...

And just be honest about what you have done (maybe embelish a little into saying you have done something fun).

Don't talk about feelings or the relationship, unless he asks, and if he does, only short answers, and don't ask questions about the relationship back to him. By all means ask how his day has been.
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Old 03-17-2011, 02:54 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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just say you didn't hear the phone...

And just be honest about what you have done (maybe embelish a little into saying you have done something fun).


Don't talk about feelings or the relationship, unless he asks, and if he does, only short answers, and don't ask questions about the relationship back to him. By all means ask how his day has been.
Underline =

Keep it short & sweet, no need to elaborate. You are a busy person after all, so many things to do, so little time to get them all done
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Old 03-18-2011, 08:05 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

Okay, I did good yesterday and today. Yay me! Even responded to his morning text today that ended with "love you guys" with just a "Thanks. You too!"

I also took a pic of myself and made it my facebook profile pic and he sent me a text saying I looked pretty in my profile pic. He called tonight to say goodnight to the kids and sounded kind of soft. I hope he's missing me and us. But I kept it casual. I even got bad news about a family member's death today and didn't call him like I usually would have. Just mentioned it to him tonight on the phone. Then I initiated the end of the conversation. I hope I can keep it up and it works.
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~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
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Old 03-18-2011, 09:44 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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Okay, I did good yesterday and today. Yay me! Even responded to his morning text today that ended with "love you guys" with just a "Thanks. You too!"
fantastic ! now the hard part, keeping that line going over how ever long it takes...

Quote:
I also took a pic of myself and made it my facebook profile pic and he sent me a text saying I looked pretty in my profile pic. He called tonight to say goodnight to the kids and sounded kind of soft. I hope he's missing me and us. But I kept it casual. I even got bad news about a family member's death today and didn't call him like I usually would have. Just mentioned it to him tonight on the phone. Then I initiated the end of the conversation. I hope I can keep it up and it works.
you will be fine, have faith in yourself
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Old 03-18-2011, 09:52 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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fantastic ! now the hard part, keeping that line going over how ever long it takes...



you will be fine, have faith in yourself
I know. I did say it back tonight. It's just in all this mess, one of the things that has bothered him is that I don't trust him, he always feels like he isn't good enough, and no matter what he does I question his love for me. That's a whole other story, though. His actions don't portray love, exactly. I will get through this. I appreciate all the support I get here. I sure need it!
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~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
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Old 03-18-2011, 09:55 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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I know. I did say it back tonight. It's just in all this mess, one of the things that has bothered him is that I don't trust him, he always feels like he isn't good enough, and no matter what he does I question his love for me. That's a whole other story, though. His actions don't portray love, exactly. I will get through this. I appreciate all the support I get here. I sure need it!
the support is here for all, and may I say, you are another one that need to get their H to an optometrist !
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Old 03-18-2011, 09:56 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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the support is here for all, and may I say, you are another one that need to get their H to an optometrist !
Thanks, sweet stuff! I love TAM. It's my happy place in this cloud of misery.
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~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
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Old 03-18-2011, 11:13 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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Thanks, sweet stuff! I love TAM. It's my happy place in this cloud of misery.
TAM people are Brilliant people (some a brilliantly Bizarre, but we wont name them, will we Freak)
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:16 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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It's just in all this mess, one of the things that has bothered him is that I don't trust him, he always feels like he isn't good enough, and no matter what he does I question his love for me. That's a whole other story, though. His actions don't portray love, exactly.
This isn't that bad with a counselor though. You have a good reason to not trust him. He has a good reason to feel not trusted.
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Old 03-20-2011, 12:16 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..."

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TAM people are Brilliant people (some a brilliantly Bizarre, but we wont name them, will we Freak)
This made me LOL!!

People on here are what get me through.. Even if by some miracle my H was to come back, I would still annoy everyone here!
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