Your H's reactions sound a lot like mine. Right down to some of his words. The confusion sets in their heads and their mind starts going haywire which in turns makes our emotions even more out of whack with their on and off again responses. But as long as you keep sticking to the 180, it'll get way easier, and you will learn to be your own seperate person again amd regain control of your actions and emotions.
I had a hell of a time trying not to contact my H too!! I slipped up as bad as you if not worse and I thought I pushed him to the brink of no return. There was NO contact for about 2 mos. I mean none whatsoever, and thats when I was like a phoenix. I totally died and was reborn, metaphorically speaking of course. I slowly came to the realization of things, and all the advice and tips that the TAM family had posted (the warnings, the encouragement, the experiences) they were all so very spot-on! And being here gave me the courage to keep up the 180. And when I felt really down, or like I couldn't continue, I posted here and it got me through the roughest parts.
My point? Keep to the 180. Its so hard in the beginning, as you've already found, but its worth it. If you have to create a dummy email acct. I did. And I would go into my real email acct and type all the things I wanted to say to my H and send it to the dummy acct. Sometimes that feels better.
We really are here for you. I have a small list of people on here I wish I could thank in person because without their encouragement, I may have not gotten through the really hard parts. There's a long road ahead still, I'm in no way on the road to Happily Ever After, but I am glad for TAM. I know it'll always be here if I fall again. And thats the best part, knowing you are NOT alone in this.
Focus on the most important things, you and your kids Posted via Mobile Device