I'm sending whatever I end up sending to BOTH of them. Maybe even his dad, too.
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Originally Posted by golfergirl
Your son is smart enough to know who has his best intentions at heart. As much as you want to protect him you can't orchestrate how these buffoons talk to him or even if they do.
REALLY sad. But true.
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Originally Posted by Jellybeans
Your H is going to minimize the affair, no matter what. I can guarantee you that. For the very fact taht "I fell in love with someone else/have a sidepiece/girlfriend and that's why I left yu cause I'm happier now" sounds STUPID. So expect him to deflect and tell him "she's a friend/special friend/daddy and mommy don't get along anymore" or some other variation of a LIE. So what I would do if I were you is tell your husband what you were going to (NO emotions) and say very matter-of-factly: I am not going to cover up your affair for you so you need to tell him the truth. Then he's going to get mad at you but explain to him it's NOT YOUR JOB to hide the TRUTH from your kids. Not at all!
If your son asks you, tell him, Yes, daddy has a girlfriend. I wouldn't lie to him. Course that doesn't mean you go into the details but tell him the truth.
He will make up his own mind about his dad. So you just be cool as a cucumber, ok? Just keep your emotions out of it w/ your son and your H
I like that. But, my son did ask questions, and I did give him answers, in as much of an appropriate way that I could. I kept MY emotions out of it, and just matter of factly stated that I had to protect myself and that the kids were my priority, and I was sorry this has happened and he had to find out this way, but we will be alright. I did not badmouth H, just said that he's making choices that aren't the best, but that's his to deal with. We can only control how we handle ourselves. He put the pieces together rather quickly, and he knows the truth. I need H to realize that our son put it together, because if he tries to lie to him and say he just met her or whatever, he's going to look like a big liar and look even worse than he does now. I tend to think my son would believe me, he's the one who has seen my pain. He's heard enough bits and pieces that he's figured it all out. And he's mad as well as sad.
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I think you should send the email a few pages backl to OW WH*re's parents.
Yes, I guess I still will. I won't be lying now when I talk about the anguish it's caused my kids. I need to get him to a counselor ASAP. I can't imagine learning about cheating at such a young age. He's got to see his dad through different colored lenses now I'm sure.
I agree with the short and sweet. The only thing is I think a lot gets lost in tranlation with email and your hubby is still trying to minimize the situation cause he doesn't want to look bad. I would wait until hubby picks him up and say what the short and sweet note said and look him in the eye. Again, its the idea that hey buster, I am not as stupid as you believe me to me. Then of course, he will say something snotty and then you say the thing I told you about honesty and stds.then walk away!
When I get back in the house send short and sweet note to granny. And add since my son is having a difficult time working out why dad is not here with him, I would appreciate you not discussing my husbands infedelity in front of our son. He is confused enough.
You are lucky to be getting rid of that trailer trash. Keep the last name so your kkids don't have the confusing deal of explainingg why their last name is different than yours. Right now they need to know you are a untited family. No changes for them right now.
I agree with the short and sweet. The only thing is I think a lot gets lost in tranlation with email and your hubby is still trying to minimize the situation cause he doesn't want to look bad. I would wait until hubby picks him up and say what the short and sweet note said and look him in the eye. Again, its the idea that hey buster, I am not as stupid as you believe me to me. Then of course, he will say something snotty and then you say the thing I told you about honesty and stds.then walk away!
When I get back in the house send short and sweet note to granny. And add since my son is having a difficult time working out why dad is not here with him, I would appreciate you not discussing my husbands infedelity in front of our son. He is confused enough.
You are lucky to be getting rid of that trailer trash. Keep the last name so your kkids don't have the confusing deal of explainingg why their last name is different than yours. Right now they need to know you are a untited family. No changes for them right now.
Hugs! Posted via Mobile Device
Good points! But he seriously does what he can to avoid me. I don't think I'd have a chance to say what I need to say. Plus, with the email, he'd have no way of replying snotty, it's there in writing, for the record. But I do see what you're saying.
I do feel good getting rid of him. I guess I'll keep the last name, especially since I'm a teacher and that's what I'm known by. Plus one of my students got me a really cute lunch bag today with my last name on it. LOL. I did discuss with my son how I wanted him to be involved in decisions and be able to tell me how he feels. God, I hope he comes out of this okay. It's my biggest concern.
"I got two good things out of you: my son and a name my students like."
Don't forget my beautiful daughter. Her birthday is on Mother's Day, she'll be 3. Luckily, she's really not going to remember any of this. She is affected, and asks questions all the time that I don't know how to answer. I don't like telling her that daddy doesn't want to be married to mommy anymore, but she is always asking why I don't come with them when he picks them up. I feel bad for her, because I can't do much for her birthday. The trip to Disney was for her, and we'll have cake and presents at my grandmother's house on Sunday. He didn't even say anything about it. Just told my son he might take them to the zoo next weekend for her birthday. And I guess he won't acknowledge Mother's Day for me. That's what I get for not wishing him a happy birthday.
Well personally, I think it is time to have him stop avoiding you. He is only doing it cause he feels like the a-- he is. These kids are part of a life that you two will have to share together whether you are married to the man or not. The reason I say this to you, is because when we first had kids,we had to do everything seperatley because hubby's parents went through horrible divorce. After fifteen years they still refused to be in the same room with one another. It cost us twice of everything to do this and we DARED not menton the other's name. Finally, when my kids were getting seriously ill and we had to juggle who was seeing the kids when(not that it was often) I had enough! I told them they were grown adults and this was for their grandkids and it was time they put their feelings aside for one another and enjoy their grandkids or don't come if they can't behave.
His father elected not to come and he is the one that has missed out. My kids barely know him. His mom is very manipulative and self serving but she at least knows the kid's birthdays.
My point is that you do not want this for your kids. It is horrible. Birthdays, Christmas,graduations,baptisms,you will see him at these things so you two need to learn how to get along. For nothing else but these kids! It may be hard/difficult but you need to muddle through it.
Right now wounds are to fresh and deep,but maybe later you will feel comfortable in saying,how about you come over Christmas morning to watch the kids open gifts. Or hey we are having little joes party at the skating rink, it would be nice if you could help me set up and stay for the party. The better the two of you work together,your kids will feel even more secure even though you are not together.
He really needs to man up. I think that is why,I am pushing you to make him talk. Not to get you back together,but because you have two little gifts from God that don't deserve to feel insecure cause dad won't talk.this is not about him or the vegas trash,it is about the kids. Posted via Mobile Device
You are lucky to be getting rid of that trailer trash.
Yeah you might as well and talk w/ him like Tamara said. I would keep it concise and to the point. No emotions. Just all of the above about your son finding out and how he should talk to him, that you won't cover for him and you wish him luck in his life (though really you wish him a lifetime of ****roach infestations--but that is for you to keep in your mind only, mmmkay?)
I think the sooner you file divorce, the better so you can be done with this BS. He is waffling on filing cause he's too much of a pvssy to face what he's done and the financial repercussions won't be so fun for him. D!ck!
Good points! But he seriously does what he can to avoid me. I don't think I'd have a chance to say what I need to say. Plus, with the email, he'd have no way of replying snotty, it's there in writing, for the record. But I do see what you're saying.
I agree. And if it comes to custody, you'll have proof that you tried to address a horrible situation in a positive manner.
Great points, tamara, and I do agree. However, at this point, he's in some weird place. Yes, he's a typical wayward, but I do think he also realizes he's a pile of monkey sh!t. He can't face me. The last conversation (well only one in a month) was ugly, but we are civil for the most part in person. The kids haven't seen anything positive or negative as far as interactions, and my son now understands. I think I'll send the email tonight.
Last night he texted me about the kids after he picked them up and our son told him he was dropping them at the neighbors. So he sent me a text asking if he was dropping them there. I replied that I wasn't sure, I had somewhere to go and might not be back by 7:30. He then was all nice and offered to bathe them and keep them until 8. I said fine, and he replied in a manner to clarify all he would do for them and almost like he was wanting a "thanks". I then texted him to tell him I wouldn't be there by 8, so take them to neighbors. He replies okay, but tells me all he did for them (bathe, milk, snack, etc.). He freaking wanted a thank you! I said, "great". He then asked what time I'd be there because he might go in and say hello to neighbors if that's alright. He's asking permission? WTH?
But here's what's going on now. Tell me what you think of the way he's addressing me.
M:"I'd like to sync my iPod but you took my cord. Can I have it back please?
H: Yes. I forgot that was yours. Would you like me to bring it Tuesday when I get the kids or do you need it sooner?
M: Can you bring it to work tomorrow and I will come get it from you.
H: I will do that. I will be on my bike so text me before you come or when you get there.
M: I will just come in. I need to also talk to you about something.
H: At my work? I am on my own tomorrow so it is going to be difficult to have any kind of conversation and my job is not an appropriate place.
M: Calm down. I just needed to say something.
H: I'm not upset, I'm just saying I don't think my job is an appropriate place. I don't want any type of confrontation at my work.
I'm not responding.
HE'S FREAKING SCARED! PVSSY! He's probably going to sit racking his brain all day and night trying to figure out what I want to say. Haha.
You shouldn't have even told him you wanted to talk to him beforehand, just sprung it on him.
You could write back, Ok no problem, see you then.
When you stop by tomorrow, you can tell him in privacy.
No emotions, remember.
And yes, he is a total pvssy. Can dish it out but can't take it.
You shouldn't have even told him you wanted to talk to him beforehand, just sprung it on him.
You could write back, Ok no problem, see you then.
When you stop by tomorrow, you can tell him in privacy.
No emotions, remember.
And yes, he is a total pvssy. Can dish it out but can't take it.
I think I'm just going to send the email tomorrow night. And I'll just tell him to check his email when I get the cord.
Can't sort this all out. I feel like doing nothing, honestly. But I have to advocate for the kids.
It's enough that he's going to be sweating it all night.
He doesn't want you to confront him about the OW. What part of keeping him guessing was that? Now the man will have a snotty response for anything you say cause he has all night to have his comebacks ready.
He needs to realize not every conversation is going to be a fight and he has to grow up. No feelings showing iin the am. Just say what needs to be said. Than you for the cord,I appreciate you bringing it for me. Then in your mind say Jack a--! Posted via Mobile Device
He doesn't want you to confront him about the OW. What part of keeping him guessing was that? Now the man will have a snotty response for anything you say cause he has all night to have his comebacks ready.
He needs to realize not every conversation is going to be a fight and he has to grow up. No feelings showing iin the am. Just say what needs to be said. Than you for the cord,I appreciate you bringing it for me. Then in your mind say Jack a--! Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah, I think I'm going to send the emails in the morning. Then I will go get the cord, say thanks, and then I'll just say "Check your e-mail."
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Re: Now what? "I love you and I always will..." 
Don't forget my beautiful daughter. Her birthday is on Mother's Day, she'll be 3. Luckily, she's really not going to remember any of this. She is affected, and asks questions all the time that I don't know how to answer. I don't like telling her that daddy doesn't want to be married to mommy anymore, but she is always asking why I don't come with them when he picks them up. 
I feel bad for her, because I can't do much for her birthday. The trip to Disney was for her, and we'll have cake and presents at my grandmother's house on Sunday. He didn't even say anything about it. Just told my son he might take them to the zoo next weekend for her birthday. And I guess he won't acknowledge Mother's Day for me. That's what I get for not wishing him a happy birthday. 
