Only the 2nd night
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Old 03-17-2011, 12:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Only the 2nd night

and I have this horrible feeling inside !

H and I talked the night before he moved out and I felt at ease about things. I gained hope that this might not be the end, but I can't shake this horrible feeling that he isn't telling me something. I know that he speaks to a few girls from his child hood those ones don't bother me . What bothers me is that he does still speak to the OW that he had a EA with. He told me that is not all the time. He said she was mad at him for moving out, and I asked him well how does she know you were moving out if you don't talk to her. He said that they only talk a once in a while. I don't know how in the world do I believe him when he has lied to me so many times already about her.

I think he is just trying to pull the wool over my eyes so that I won't file for a divorce cause he knows that I can take so much from him so he is only telling me what I want to hear.

I want to believe him but I can't !

He says there is a chance for us, damm he even went and bought all the same dishes and things for his new house incase he comes home. He won't say no there is no chance and he won't say maybe . So how does some read that I have no idea.

Damm I knew I should have put a keylogger on his computer before he moved out . Now I will never know nothing, and I feel like I'm being made a fool!
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Old 03-17-2011, 12:40 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

Yeah ti sounds lke he's still involved with her. Does she have a husband or boyf? If she does, tell the SO.

One's instinct/gut is usually dead on when we suspect an affair.

Him saying he doesn't know... classic. He wants to string you along til he finds out if it will work out with her. My suggestion is to tell him you are not going to live in an open relationship and if it doesn't end with her, then you will take the appropriate actions. DO NOT waffle on this. Stand your ground. Tough love.
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Old 03-17-2011, 12:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

I was wondering how you were doing, JH. This is so difficult. My H is already gone staying with his parents, he just took some clothes, didn't move out per say. But it will be hard. He didn't take the laptop, but I really think I need to put a keylogger on there and make him take it, lol. He's using their computer but he says he doesn't like it and barely uses it. I find that hard to believe seeing how much time he spends on ours at home. I have my school laptop I can use and our son barely uses the home laptop. Hopefully it's just for peace of mind.

I wouldn't be there at his becking call. Have you asked if seeing other people is okay during this? Just curious what his views are. There has to be some sort of framework. Otherwise, you're in limbo and that isn't fair.

Stay strong!
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Old 03-17-2011, 12:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
Yeah ti sounds lke he's still involved with her. Does she have a husband or boyf? If she does, tell the SO.

One's instinct/gut is usually dead on when we suspect an affair.

Him saying he doesn't know... classic. He wants to string you along til he finds out if it will work out with her. My suggestion is to tell him you are not going to live in an open relationship and if it doesn't end with her, then you will take the appropriate actions. DO NOT waffle on this. Stand your ground. Tough love.

hi jade--

i couldnt have said it better..im sorry its hard for you...but take it one day at a time, stay calm, i believe he is lying with every word he says...

get better for you. blast more music, and watch more movies, eat whatever you want to..
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i ppen shinde miru?
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Old 03-17-2011, 01:13 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

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Originally Posted by LonelyNLost View Post
I was wondering how you were doing, JH. This is so difficult. My H is already gone staying with his parents, he just took some clothes, didn't move out per say. But it will be hard. He didn't take the laptop, but I really think I need to put a keylogger on there and make him take it, lol. He's using their computer but he says he doesn't like it and barely uses it. I find that hard to believe seeing how much time he spends on ours at home. I have my school laptop I can use and our son barely uses the home laptop. Hopefully it's just for peace of mind.

I wouldn't be there at his becking call. Have you asked if seeing other people is okay during this? Just curious what his views are. There has to be some sort of framework. Otherwise, you're in limbo and that isn't fair.

Stay strong!
The list of things my H took (bear in mind this is almost 5 months ago)

Clothes.. (which I bagged up and threw at him)
PC... shocker.. NOT
Knife block my parents bought him
A couple of books and dvds
a small wooden handmade box that I bought him in Dubai for our 5th wedding anniversary last August, and he has since told me he keeps his wedding ring in it..
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Old 03-17-2011, 03:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

Hi there,
I just felt I had to respond to this. My husband also left 2 nights ago, but ended up staying our house last night because he came to see the kids and hadn't slept the night before and I didn't really want him driving 100 miles on no sleep...tonight will be the first night that he is officially away from home and I am handling it a little better than I thought I would.
I decided this morning that I am going to stop initiating any kind of contact and only respond to something when he initiates it...I'm going to give him the space he needs to figure things out and I am praying to god that it doesn't take a long time...I am finding it very hard not to contact him though, since we had been texting all day for about a month...pretty much me begging him to snap out of it and commit to our marriage...that wasn't working though, so I am trying a new approach.
I know I can't give you much advice, since I am just as lost and confused as you are, but I just wanted to let you know that someone is going through exactly the same thing and completely understands your pain....Best of luck to you
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Old 03-17-2011, 04:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

Yes, a new approach si the way to go. Never beg or plead with someone to stay with you when they are running in the opposite direction. It turns them off and pushes them away. Do a total opposite of what you're used to.
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Old 03-17-2011, 05:20 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

Thanks Everyone, I was doing really good until last night when I heard that he still talks to this OW. I told him i feel threated by her and he told me I don't need to.

He called today at lunch and we talked a few minutes and he said hold on. His nephew had jumped in the truck and I could hear them talking he totally forgot about me on the phone. I hung up and went to have a shower he called back 6 times . Then I answered it when he called again and I told him that I could not talk to him right now , he said why and I just told him I can't talk!

I think I'm going to change my way at looking at this. I'm not going to call him, I'm not going to ask him for help. Nothing, I need to let him be. Maybe he will get the point when I'm a little cold that he might lose me if he plays these games. I seriously can't deal with no more. I promised myself I would sit and wait for him to decide what he wants, but honestly I think he knows what he wants he is just scared to tell me cause he knows when he says it is over I will file for a Divorce and then he is going to feel the effects.
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Old 03-17-2011, 05:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

JH, he probably thinks he knows, but is always wondering, your decision to go NC as much as possible is the right way to go, for both of you.

Wishing you the best of luck.
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Old 03-17-2011, 07:08 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

I hope that it can be done, he has to visit the kids here which I don't get since he has a 2 bedroom apartment by himself.

Right now I'm so stressed I feel that I'm about to lose my mind. Seriously I want to scream at everyone and anything. I can't take no more of this BS.
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Old 03-17-2011, 08:24 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Only the 2nd night

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Originally Posted by Jaded Heart View Post
I hope that it can be done, he has to visit the kids here which I don't get since he has a 2 bedroom apartment by himself.
Strange, have to wonder why.

Quote:
Right now I'm so stressed I feel that I'm about to lose my mind. Seriously I want to scream at everyone and anything. I can't take no more of this BS.
Calm down, thats the first thing you have to do, this one of the reasons why you have to go NC, or LC as much as possible, to be able to get your head sorted out.
Stress can really bugger you up, I know from experience !
You have to try and focus on something else to keep your self occupied.
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I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
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