just trying to get to know you all better and to see how similar our situations are.
wondering how long it's been since you sep. or divorced the rel. ended? how many of you have dated since then? how long did it take before you did date? even just hang out with the opposite sex for a night out, not necessarily dating for a relationship or sex also wondering who was the one that started the sep., was it you or your ex? i wonder if it makes a diff. in moving on sooner or not. just curious.
Jan 26th, 2011 was the sep day, been issues before then though.
Dated, errrrr, no.
Spoken to females not related to me over the last couple of weeks
not as potential dates or bed buddies though.
The W started it, her choices.
I believe the one that starts the sep has had time to gear themselves up for it (most times) and gets thru the sep a whole lot easier than the one who has been 'dumped'
As far as I am aware, and no, I haven't tried to check, my W is not seeing anyone else.
I hate being a part of this club. Last night H slept in our bed was Friday, March 4th. Starting the next night he left after the kids were in bed, and then came home before they woke up. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and asked him not to come back on Wednesday night, March 9th. The kids and I went out of town on Friday the 11th and are coming home on Sunday the 20th. I guess the real separation starts then. The idea though, according to him, is that we work on trying to communicate and maybe eventually go on dates. I'm just giving him space right now and praying on my hands and knees that he figures himself out. He's severely depressed and needs help. And I feel like something is pulling him away from us and trying. I hope he wakes up. I miss him.
ETA: I'm not going to date anyone else, we agreed not to. I'm afraid that he might be having an EA, but I have trust issues which is what he says has caused him to feel like he has to leave to relieve the tension.
My husband moved out Dec. 28th. Married for 17 years...did not want to work things out. Soon after he joined a dating website...has gone on a couple of dates (he told me this), spent a few days with his high school girlfriend (said nothing happened)...he is depressed and lonely but refuses to give "us" another chance. I thought things were turning around as we hung out together last weekend and one thing led to another...but then the next day he sent me a text saying how that can't happen again and he feels horrible. So now I am trying to do the "no contact 180" and hoping I get positive results from that. Me....I have not gone on any dates or anything like that.
November 30th here. Going on 4 months. What a WILD and CRAZY ride!
Let's see..After spending the entire summer and fall DRUNK and destroying half of our livelihood my wonderful husband went into Child Welfare DRUNK for a drug test at 8am..then told them to "F-off" when they said he needed to go to rehab. Cleaned out the bank account and bounced thousands of dollars of checks and bills (including two months rent), cancelled our cell phones (attempted to cancel the other stuff but it was all in MY name!) and then Child Services said he couldn't be alone with the kids or they would go to foster care so I told him he had to leave NOW. So he did. Then I started apartment hunting and the rest..is epic!!
Yeah..BEST DAY EVAR! November 30th! I will celebrate that day FOREVER!! We don't need NO FREAKIN' WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!
No dating. Now why would I want to go ruin a good thing and do that?
__________________ D DAY: Monday, April 1, 2013 And now it's your chance to move on
Change the way you've lived for so long
And find the strength you've had inside all along
'Cause life starts now
Last edited by Freak On a Leash; 03-18-2011 at 10:30 PM.
My husband announced he wanted out of our marriage June 12th 2010, I found out he was having an affair the next day.
I moved out July 1st, she moved in 2hrs later. Haven't seen him or spoken to him since, though he has been to my house a couple of times for ridiculous reasons I managed to miss him both times, no idea what state I would have been in if I had seen him.
Couldn't even think of dating anyone, can't imagine sharing my life with anyone again. At the moment I know that if my husband appeared on the door step asking to try again I wouldn't have to think for a second I would leap at the chance even with everything he did and how he treated me. I couldn't enter a relationship with someone else when they would be second best.
I moved out 9/09
He filed sep 10/09.
We talked reconciliation and he filed divorce in 1/10 and then dismissed dt in 2/10. I did not sign the dismissal papers.
We did MC since we talked about reconciling and in 5/10 he sat me down and told me he'd had sex w/ someone. I also admitted I did too. This was devastating to us both.
We tried to work it out and upon return from vacation in 7/10 he said he "didn't know" if we should move in together, etc. I said if he didn't know that's fine, I was done, not going to wait for him.
I went out with a guy in 10/10 for about 2 months. During this time my stbx and I'd been to court for the divorce and he started calling me saying he didn't kinow what he was doing, was unsure and really missed me. Said if I loved him I'd not see anyone. I agreed. Then 1/11 to 3/11 we were doing so much better and the D was still going through. He said he wanted the D to go thru and us to get back tog ether after the divorce, move in, and everything. Just 3 weeks ago Itold him I would not do that. That after the D, it was done.
I am nowhere near ready to date. My heart is still hurting and I feel I need to spend a long time by myself. I spent all of my 20s with him and now I just turned 30. I regret very much my affair and while I'll never know if things woulda been different had it not happened, i will always and forever regret I made that choice. Was so stupid and dumb. . He didn't really express remorse for what he did (he'd also been looking for sex online not even yr after we were married).
Our story is so f*cked because I am the one who moved out but he filed then we waffled by him dismissing the D, me not signing and then me wanting to work it out, him being unsure and me finally saying, It'sd one. I'm not really sure who you'd say ended things but I do know he is teh one who filed. He always said Is tarted everything by moving out. 2009 was by far the worst year of our relationship. We barely spoke to eachother and were so mean to eachother. I would literally cry myself to sleep every night.
I thint he person who wants out feels less pain since they are already on the road to recovery and kind of "over it." But it depends. Some folks just say, F this sh*, I am done. LOL. Like Freak
He told me he wanted to leave January 17, he said he needed time to get his head together. This was after he disappeared for the weekend (turns out the other woman was also away that weekend so guess where my husband was & what he was doing). He moved out on the 22nd.
We were going to MC, he was seeing an IC. I discovered a valentines card in his truck from the other woman on March 10 on the way to FL for his brothers wedding. I never thought he would cheat as he always said cheaters were the scum of the earth (funny how many of them said that & then did exactly that huh?), UNtil then I just thought he was depressed or had something else going on. But an affair, damn that w@nker. He swore it was over & only lasted a few weeks, they never had sex, just kissed. Even though I found hotel receipts on his email & a few emails back & forth between them before he grabbed his phone off me. I got in touch with her husband too so hopefully it is well & truly blown up. But they work together so who knows.
I have no intention of dating anytime in the next few years. Its going to be all bout me & my kids.
27th October (was our 14year 10month anni) He walked out
27th November He boarded a plane to Oz to go f*ck some skank he met online.
27th Decemeber what would have been our 15th anniversary.. he wished I would get cancer... guess what happened?...
He's living with his sister, moving the weekend of the 1st.. my bday weekend.. and mothers day so that's nice..
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
27th October (was our 14year 10month anni) He walked out
27th November He boarded a plane to Oz to go f*ck some skank he met online.
27th Decemeber what would have been our 15th anniversary.. he wished I would get cancer... guess what happened?...
He's living with his sister, moving the weekend of the 1st.. my bday weekend.. and mothers day so that's nice..
he fits into the category of being one of the scum of the earth x 3
Today is one month for me since I actually moved out. We decided on a separation at the beginning of December, but stayed together for the holidays and the kids. At the beginning of February, I started sleeping on the couch in my home office, and moved out on the 20th of February.
I have been spending time with someone for a few weeks now... Both of us agree that it's a relationship that isn't likely to have legs, as she's in a similar situation as me. But we're enjoying each other's company for now, and that's all we're really asking for. I do know that this reduces the chances that I'll want to reconcile with my wife, and I'm ok with that, as reconciliation was never the purpose of separating. I suspect I know what my wife would think of this, and am doing what I can to keep her from knowing, to avoid hurting her and creating a very uncomfortable situation. I do still like her as a person, after all.
In my case, I was the one that initiated the whole "Honey, we need to have a talk..." discussion, and decided that a separation was needed. The decision that things were at that point became pretty obvious to me last summer, but I avoided talking with her till October. So in my mind, the relationship has been over for a long time. As my councilor said back in November (I went on my own first), I had already gone through my grieving process for the marriage at that point. I think that, along with the fact that it was my decision, means I have progressed further than my wife in dealing with the loss of our relationship.
how long has it been? 
also wondering who was the one that started the sep., was it you or your ex? i wonder if it makes a diff. in moving on sooner or not. just curious.
Last night H slept in our bed was Friday, March 4th. Starting the next night he left after the kids were in bed, and then came home before they woke up. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and asked him not to come back on Wednesday night, March 9th. The kids and I went out of town on Friday the 11th and are coming home on Sunday the 20th. I guess the real separation starts then. 
No lifting weights & flexing your muscles in front of this one now ya hear!
