Dumped by email after 30 years
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 09-18-2008, 06:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 36
Default Dumped by email after 30 years

x

Last edited by now_what; 12-28-2008 at 09:19 PM.
now_what is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 09-18-2008, 07:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 572
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

Hmm.. sounds like your husband went back to his second childhood, hun. You know..young bad azz, dude. Go to counseling, hun, that..or take his toy away from him and sit his azz in time out.
I like bikes too, but no more than my family.
Honey is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-18-2008, 08:01 PM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 89
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

What an arse! WOW!

Looks like he like the bike better than you and his kids!
What he did has no excuse and that he didnt even had the courage to tal to you face to face and to take care of yoru feeligns and say it to you in a civil way but more as the husband he was to oyu for so many years!
WOW what an ass-- hole!
This is terrible! and after 30 years! WAW!
this guy is not worth anything at al! and oyu elt him go with being on bike every weekend and never talkign to oyu nor taking care of you?
I will have show him the door long ago!
This is really too much and i feel very sorry for oyu.
An dhe leave just like that without leaving a phone nor an adress.? stinck very much ot me like a guy having an affair with soemoen else since a LONONONG time!
alsop tha the isnisted to move away so fast havign a house and furnitures and all that of course he was qwiht somebody else, it didnt worked out so he came back and now he did it again.
where does he go when he is on his bike? did you ever checked out?
he lived with oyu like he was not married at all but was living in a hotel with a maid.
i cant understand how oyu pulled up with it for so long but it must have been really hard.
The ciouncelor should have been seeken long ago..
but having absolutly no other experience in close relationships but him that explain why oyu put up so long wiht it.
you had no clue as for what to do!
and oyu had never been ina relationship with a guy that cheated you except for him..
so you didnt saw the very obvious signs in time.
i htink that when you are together from very very young, you dont know ho wot tackle a relationship, becasue oyu alck expreriendces form others.
he just had the easy life all the time and never ahd problems with you so he was too inexperienced and of course he gain some experience with his bike ridding on sundays and from longdistance job..
and oyu didnt had a clue which nmade him diosrespect you even more and dont care about oyu even more and take you for granted even more, and he didnt care about oyu.
Problem is that now very soon he is going to ahve to live without you for real and i think at somepoint he is going to regret it a lot..
but that will be too late.
He left with a plan. he planed when to leave and how and WHERE.
thats not somehting oyu improvise.
He was seeing someoen else for years and oyu simply didnt knew..
Sweet love is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-18-2008, 08:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 89
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

Quote:
Originally Posted by Honey View Post
Hmm.. sounds like your husband went back to his second childhood, hun. You know..young bad azz, dude. Go to counseling, hun, that..or take his toy away from him and sit his azz in time out.
I like bikes too, but no more than my family.
she doesnt know where he lives.. he left without leaving an adres nor a phone number.
She dont know where the guy is now.
Sweet love is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-18-2008, 08:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 89
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

Just to add to it i think its even forbidden for the guy to leave without leaving an adress when you are still married.
report him as disappearedpersona nd see what hapened. oyu maybe got a whole world to discover yet.. if oyu are ready for that one..
him leavign his credit card only proves he got separate accounts..
he is living 2 places at the same time thats the alone explaination.
Sweet love is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-18-2008, 08:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 572
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

Abandonment
Honey is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-18-2008, 08:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

I am no expert - I am on here tonight and a new member too - because I am considering cutting my losses and getting the heck out of this loveless marriage I find myself in. But our cases are similar. I just had our 27th anniversary last week. My husband did buy me flowers (he didn't do anything last year). Up until a year and a half ago my husband was very loving and we were soulmates. Now I don't even know him. He started going out with friends (guys) from work and preferred his buddies to me. I bought a brand new boat last year because I thought we would enjoy it together. He dissed me so many times by taking his buddies out and leaving me behind. (and I make the damn payments). My husband is going through a mid-life crisis. He hates getting old. He has had all kinds of aches and pains now and obsesses about it. He has "empty nest" syndrome in that our 20 year old son does his own thing and doesn't do things like he used to with him. I don't think he is having an affair......yet........I don't know if he would or not. I know he was morally not brought up that way but in the last year or so - I don't know him at all. Your husband sounds like mine that he is afraid to get old. He just can't deal with it. I have begged, pleaded, threatened to leave him and it works for like a day and then boom, back to being distant and a jerk basically. I know my husband is going through a depression and anxiety- has been for some time, but refuses to deal with it. He has not only pulled away from me but his whole family - whom he would cut his right arm off until a year ago. I am not sure how old you are but I and my husband both are 46 - we got married young. We had a really good marriage up until then. Then he got nuts. He spends lots of money on his appearance. He has more shoes and clothes than any other person I know - he has run us into alot of debt for clothes, etc. Decided he can only wear "label" clothes, etc. etc. He is trying to re-live his youth. It's awful. It is really a sad thing to go through this after being with someone so long and basically thinking you are going to spend your retirement years and then have this happen. After my husband called me at work today and said he would take me out to a fun wing event held in our local town I was thrilled. I even went to the trouble to go to the mall and buy myself a nice pair of pants that fit (I have lost 40 lbs. in the last year over this stress) to look good tonight. I wanted to go at 5 but he said no - 6 because he had to go to the gym. Well then he called me at 6:15 and said he was on his way home - he had blown off the gym and had stopped out for a drink with his buddies. (I could tell when he got home he had way more than 1 drink) I was devastated. He would again, rather spend time with them than me. I decided tonight I've had it. I can't fix him. And I feel I am at the end of my rope. I am sorry you are going through this. But I want you to know you are not alone.....Feel free to correspond with me - maybe we can help each other through this. Deb
dgillette is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-18-2008, 11:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
Moderator
 
827Aug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 4,178
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

Hi now what!

Sorry to hear another person is having to go thru this. I know how tough it is! I'm there with you too (you should read some of my post )

Hang in there!
827Aug is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-20-2008, 02:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Blanca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,042
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

My situation is no where near as traumatic as what you are going through, but when I felt my relationship 'died' i started reading about the grieving process and how to get through it. I started to think of my relationship as 'dead' and treated it as such. I grieved it, accepted it, and started to look at what was now beginning.
Blanca is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-20-2008, 04:02 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
justean's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: south wales. uk
Posts: 1,249
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

this happened to my nan, married for 30 years. but grampy was into women more than bikes. but one day he just upped and left and that was it.
he never turned back. he gave up everything for his new life and it just did not include her.
for as much as my nan loved him. she realised he would never change. it was a tough time.
im afraid your issue is so personal and very emotional. i do feel for you.
justean is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-29-2008, 06:02 AM   #11 (permalink)
eileenperron
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

This is my first time belonging to an online forum but I really feel your pain as I am going through the same thing. I met my husband 30 years ago and he just left in August on our 23rd anniversary after telling me he didn't love me, wasn't happy and wanted to live alone. It came as a complete shock to me and all I could think of was killing myself. I thank God for my two wonderful children who have made me realize I have good reason to go on. I also have wonderful friends but it is sometimes embarassing to even tell them whats going on. My husband is a undercover cop and he works in bars with people who lead way different lives than we do. He is exposed to some scummy people living weird lives. In addition to this I found him on a porn website 4 years ago talking to some sleaze in a chat room. He cried and said he had a problem and something was wrong with him. I truly felt so bad for him but also felt betrayed. Unfortunately, I was so shocked by what he did I allowed it to be swept under the rug and we never spoke of it again. A few months ago, he didn't come home til 5am and was drunk. I was outraged as was up all night wondering if he was shot by someone and he said he was working and drank too much and slept it off on the side of the road. Everytime we had sex, he always pressured me to see if I would do it with swingers until finally one night I started crying when he said he knw a bar we could go to. I thought this was all just fantasy. Now I realize he must be leading a double life too and I am just a stupid ass for always believing him. I have no proof of anything of course because detective are very careful to cover their tracks.

We have 2 adopted children and i haven't worked in 14 years as we agreed I would stay home to be there for them. He really has be by the you know what financially, mentally and emotionally.

I just started seeing someone as my suicidal thoughts and constant crying were really scaring me. She suggested I ask him to see a marriage counselor, not necessarily to get back together but to handle our pain. When I said it like this he (suprisingly) agreed and we go this Friday. I am very scared as to why he agreed to go and what he will say.

I really feel your pain as I have only had this relationship with my husband since I was 18 and it is really hard to imagine a life without him. He is or was my best friend. FYI - he also just came home with a motorcyle although he says it is for work? Best of luck to you and don't let yourself get depressed like I did- you are a wonderful caring person and your husband doesn't deserve your love or loyalty.
  Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 09-29-2008, 08:19 PM   #12 (permalink)
Moderator
 
827Aug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 4,178
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

Quote:
Originally Posted by now_what View Post
Thanks for the words of support. There have been some new developments since I first posted my story. I finally got my husband to tell me where he was staying and I asked him to please tell me if he was seeing someone - I didn't want anymore surprises later. Turns out he is living with a woman he has been seeing for the last two months - sounds like true love to me. But she's not some young thing as if that is supposed to make me feel better and of course she goes "riding" with him on the "bike". I guess this is the last piece to him truly living the biker lifestyle. I think this is what hurts the most - he was willing to chuck 33 years of being together - without even wanting to try to fix things - for a woman who would let a married man move in with her after knowing each other for two months. Idiot - she's welcome to him.
I'm so sorry! If this helps any, that relationship won't last. I give it 18 months at most. But, I really can't blame you for giving up. I don't know which one of them is the bigger idiot--him or her! What makes people totally lose their minds like this?!
827Aug is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-22-2008, 10:58 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Blanca's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,042
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

something kind of similar happened to my sister. her H up and left one day. not a word. and it was two days after they had a baby. they were together six years.

i think you are doing everything you can do. i really admire you for letting him know its not too late to work on the marriage, and wanting him back for your daughter. but you have to let him make his own choice. I hope he wakes up and realizes the mistake he's making.
__________________
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie
Blanca is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-22-2008, 11:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: mountain west
Posts: 2,567
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

didn't someone mention abandonment somewhere in this thread? because if this isn't abandonment, i don't know what is. you are so sweet for wanting to have him back. maybe so sweet that you don't recognize he doesn't deserve you. but if you want him, don't give up or "let yourself go." be there physically and mentally fit for when he does come back (again) because somethings gonna happen where he decides the grass isn't greener.
good luck dear. pray. He listens.
__________________
separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7
voivod is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 11-23-2008, 06:38 AM   #15 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
MarkTwain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 3,424
Default Re: Dumped by email after 30 years

now_what-

But if he should ever come crawling back - you call the shots, don't be a door mat, or you will suffer very badly in the future. Begin as you mean to go on, as my grandmother used to tell me.
MarkTwain is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
If you were dumped, do you wish your X failure? mr. blue Life After Divorce 56 05-24-2012 11:19 PM
I found the email address for the OM...should I email? DSSM9500 Coping with Infidelity 66 02-15-2012 11:01 AM
Why do we suffer most?(the one that who got dumped) Separated79 Going Through Divorce or Separation 9 05-28-2011 12:26 PM
I think I'm being dumped...slowly... dcrim General Relationship Discussion 9 02-28-2009 04:57 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:58 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.