Sending Hugs! Crank, you better put those cigs down. They are no good for you. Go for a run instead or chew some gum.
ta for the hugs, always welcome
yeah yeah, I know, I have smoked for 35 years, bit hard to break the habit ya know
Nope, no running, my knees wouldn't handle it ! and I have some sugar free gum here (hmmm, must buy some more, and coffee as well!)
One more honest step into pathetic for me... it is not just lonely that makes me contact him. I am scared of what he might do and what his mood is and I am more fearful of not having a "bead" on his current mindset. I spent 12 years tending his mental state at all times and I am having a very hard time getting myself to believe that it is not my responsibility. I never could do it anyway. All I did was pick up pieces... over and over. This time I must leave them lay on the floor and I sure hope I can...
good thread idea! This is so hard I might just post here 1000 times lol
Shianne, I hear you sweety! My H has aspergers, adhd and severe depression at times, but I would always do the same, infact I used to make excuses for him.... still do *sigh* but I always 'looked' after him and now I am trying to understand and learn that he didn't treat me as well as he should have...
My H called the kids this evening, my youngest wasn't really talking him, tv was more important... well she is 4! Well anyways he hung up on her! She was upset so I called him and he swore at me! I informed him I wouldn't be putting up with that language and I wanted an apology and hung up on him! He called back still arsey but did say sorry.. Yet this morning he was all laughing and joking... I always said to him he was Jekyll and Hyde..I was so tempted to text him giving me a piece of my mind... I didn't!
I know I hurt but I have to trust myself, I can do this, I am stronger than I give myself credit for..
Thanks, I can imagine us breaking a record with the amount of pages we'll get
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Shianne, I hear you sweety! My H has aspergers, adhd and severe depression at times, but I would always do the same, infact I used to make excuses for him.... still do *sigh* but I always 'looked' after him and now I am trying to understand and learn that he didn't treat me as well as he should have...
My H called the kids this evening, my youngest wasn't really talking him, tv was more important... well she is 4! Well anyways he hung up on her! She was upset so I called him and he swore at me! I informed him I wouldn't be putting up with that language and I wanted an apology and hung up on him! He called back still arsey but did say sorry.. Yet this morning he was all laughing and joking... I always said to him he was Jekyll and Hyde..I was so tempted to text him giving me a piece of my mind... I didn't!
I know I hurt but I have to trust myself, I can do this, I am stronger than I give myself credit for..
Thanks, I can imagine us breaking a record with the amount of pages we'll get
Things are going really good for us right now, we talk almost everyday (she calls me or text me, I never initiate the conversations)...we are spending 2 to 3 nights together...
but almost every night, with her or without her, I can't sleep...It's like it is going to good and I am waiting for the next hammer to fall...I'm exhausted all the time...it's a petty problem when things are going so good...but literally...I'm struggling with my health because I'm expecting the worse to happen and can't enjoy the progress we are experiencing!
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I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
Things are going really good for us right now, we talk almost everyday (she calls me or text me, I never initiate the conversations)...we are spending 2 to 3 nights together...
but almost every night, with her or without her, I can't sleep...It's like it is going to good and I am waiting for the next hammer to fall...I'm exhausted all the time...it's a petty problem when things are going so good...but literally...I'm struggling with my health because I'm expecting the worse to happen and can't enjoy the progress we are experiencing!
That's great, DjF! Well, except for not sleeping. Have you tried sleeping pills or anxiety meds? You are right to take things slow. And always fear something happening. But try to stay positive.
I am positive for the most part...and I am focused on trying to do all the smalls things right, which we haven't done so well at in the past...
I just can't sleep...I'd take something to help, but we live out in the country and I am paranoid about sleeping too soundly...we've had a few instances of people driving up our road in the middle of the night...the dogs did their thing and the cars turned around, but I was at least woken up to see them leave...
I love living where we do..but once the youngest graduates from high school in a few years, I think the dream home we built will be a thing of our past...
__________________
I firmly believe that love is a game of control, or maybe true love is a game of giving up control...and if both give up control, then neither have it but the shared one do...
bad love contols us like pawns on a chess board...
He is texting all nice... I replied to the one about giving the kids hugs with i will
i left the sad face one talking of how he misses me bad and really trying to breath alone
then the one that said he loved me
then replied to the one saying he was getting it back together i said good and without thinking typed i love you
thing is i do effing love him. hate me for it but love him... hate everything about him yet still love him?
insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result...
I just want to text him more and give him what he wants. Like the crying baby that isn't yours it is so hard to not care...
ack more texts. all nice I am going to try silencing my phone and imagining I forgot to plug it in last night... oops dead battery... can I do that? making dinner will distract me... here I go
ack more texts. all nice I am going to try silencing my phone and imagining I forgot to plug it in last night... oops dead battery... can I do that? making dinner will distract me... here I go
I am still pretty much doing the 180....somewhat successful....I started it last Thurs. We had no contact until Wed.
H: Can we meet sometime to talk about the divorce?
(I saw the text but did not respond to it....6 hrs. later.....
H: Did you get my message
Me: Yes. Sorry did not respond earlier....went to breakfast and the beach....what did you have in mind?
H: I was hoping we could take a look and start filling out forms. What do you think?
Me: Can you get the forms online?
H: Not sure.
Me: Fill out what you can then I will fill out the rest. After we can discuss later whatever else you wanted to talk about.
H: Ok, I will do my best on it. Thank you.
Me: no problem
So.... you think that was pretty good? I havent heard from him since. I will probably have to see him in a few days because he is getting the boys for spring break.....hope I can maintain my 180....
Shianne, it's hard when you've spent years being responsible for someone else's mental health--hard to let go, to stop. I admire you for making the effort. Keep it up. Remember that as long as your kids are with you, there is no need to answer the phone--your mom and sibs (if in the picture) will understand, and you can call them back if they leave a voice message. Have you told him to stop calling and texting? If not, do it--he can have one email address for communicating about the kids or, better yet, set up a neutral intermediary (your lawyer, for example). Just do it. After you go through your initial panic about it, it will feel sooooooooo good!
And keep telling yourself, "I am not responsible for him." Over and over again, when you get the urge to check up on him.
Traumatic bonding--powerful term, powerful stuff. But you are stronger, and you will cut those chains that bind you!
Had a nightmare, 1st one for a while, have woken up wanting to talk to him, to be comforted.. I dreamt he came to pick up the kids & had a love bite on his neck, anxiety attack woke me up he flaunted it at me thinking it was funny... I'm already thinking of asking him if he has someone else & had to be talked down..
Keep trying to drum it in, I don't want him, he hurt me & my babies, he's not the person I want, he left a long time ago. I deserve better... I cant text him.... I want to but can't.. if he's got someone else, what can I do? Goes to show he doesn't care. He still doesn't know my hospital results... why would I want him?? I feel sick Posted via Mobile Device
Denise, yes, I think that was pretty damn good, nothing vindictive, keeping yourself first, making him do the work he should be doing, keep it up as best you can
Re: The LC/NC Thread.. 
Have you tried sleeping pills or anxiety meds? You are right to take things slow. And always fear something happening. But try to stay positive. 
