The LC/NC Thread.. - Page 3
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Old 03-26-2011, 01:57 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

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Had a nightmare, 1st one for a while, have woken up wanting to talk to him, to be comforted.. I dreamt he came to pick up the kids & had a love bite on his neck, anxiety attack woke me up he flaunted it at me thinking it was funny... I'm already thinking of asking him if he has someone else & had to be talked down..
Keep trying to drum it in, I don't want him, he hurt me & my babies, he's not the person I want, he left a long time ago. I deserve better... I cant text him.... I want to but can't.. if he's got someone else, what can I do? Goes to show he doesn't care. He still doesn't know my hospital results... why would I want him?? I feel sick
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Old 03-26-2011, 05:59 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Sat talking to my Dad this morning, I am NOT contacting the H, he's not bothered about me, he's not interested in me at all, not even asking how I am, not even asking about treatment/results... My H has left the building 5 months tomorrow... no show of remorse, nothing...
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Old 03-26-2011, 08:48 AM   #33 (permalink)
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I had a big one last night myself. My wife has me jumpimg through hoops which now i think is a joke for her to see what I would do for her. I have no problem with that because of what I put her through.
So I go to the house to pick up the kido and see is outside on the phone. I stop by and bought her a nice card wrote some sweet words and handed it to her. See wouldnt even look at it! Then tells me that I wasting my time with all the things that Im doing and see is done, its over. My countseller asked me to see if she would be willing to come to the next appointment, so I asked her the next day after countselling. With no reply for two days! The last night she gets right up in my face and said "I will go with you to countselling but its not going to do anygood because I dont care, I dont trust you". Well OK im thinking that lest she is going right?
So I leave the house with the kido and the phone rings it her. She told me that my father was lieing to me that she never told him that she wanted to work on this and he is fill me full of $**T.
My father and I are just now starting up contact after 16 years. We are both trying very hard to make this work and believe it or not SHE is the one to THANK for that! Now she is trying to rip us apart. I dont understand it at all. She loves him to death.
So Im an emotional train wreck at this point. I dont know who to believe my wife or my dad. So I call him to confront him about it. After talking to him I totaly believe him. Plus the fact that he has never lied to me before not matter how much it hurt me. I dont know what to do Im going crazy! The 180 plan has work a little but she is fighting me every step of the way.
Why did she give me a list of thinks that I had to do for us to get back together only when I bust my butt to do them she start running away from me? I know that she thought that I would never do the thinks that she had on the list ie: countselling, give her space and spend more time with the kido, and work on being unselfish. All of the things on the list are being done or still being done. I dont understand!
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:21 AM   #34 (permalink)
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AmImad, I am so sorry you had to have a nightmare like that!! I hope it fades into the strength that will keep him away and help push him out of your heart.

sisters359, thank you and you are right. In fact I sit here now loving this thread and telling myself I don't care. Don't feed the bear. I don't care. Don't feed the bear.
It rhymes and if I do it enough it makes me smile.
(When you feed a bear in your yard they will always sniff around for more and come back. Make a mess, dump out your trash, eat the dogs food lol.)

denise1218, I am actually jealous that was an awesome exchange. Maybe I can get you online before I reply to my hubby That was good, not mean or snotty but not loving or begging.

I am not going to text him. He scheduled over my next weeks therapy appointment his own appointment. So he will not be able to watch the kids. He texted when his was, i texted that I would find a sitter or reschedule and he did not reply. That was 8 hours ago. Is he pissed? feeling guilty for forgetting (unlikely)? cancelling his appointment (better not be I said I would work with it) is he mad at me?
I have to stop caring
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:28 AM   #35 (permalink)
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attmay,
I am thinking about the why would she give you a list. You say she didn't think you would do it. I have to say I am so in that boat with my husband. I don't think he can follow this all the way through. I still want him to despite my pain. I just fear (maybe this is where your wife is) that with a list he could do the things just to get me back but there would be no real change. How often will I be submitting lists? I want my husband to change, I try to help him on the road to change but ...

I am terrified ... if he does change... will I be able to let go of the past? Will I be able to see the change or will I always be waiting for the other shoe to drop? Will I always have this tense feeling of not knowing when my world will crumble again? Is it better to deal with my not having him to love and love me back for the security of stability for myself and the kids?
I don't care. Don't feed the bear.
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:35 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Shianne....sometimes we have to not feed the bear inside of us too...you ask a lot of tough questions about the future....is it better to not have love and be lonely or to have love with doubts and pain? is essentially your question...your own bear...

now isn't the time to worry about that...now is time to heal yourself, too grow...to find your own peace and happiness...

don't feed the bear!
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:50 AM   #37 (permalink)
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See, but right now, right here I struggle. I not only feed the bear but I wrestle it. Every day I have to choose to not tell him to come home. I have to choose to have no time other than this morning time when the kids are in their morning groove. I have to choose no sex. No hugs. I have to choose a deep and achy loneliness.
I could call him and he would make it go away but at what price. I could call someone else and they would make it go away at a deeper price.
I can't though I have to choose to hurt and I hate it. I just want to be loved. I give love freely why is it too much to ask that I get a little back...

I can let go of the future but it is my right now... right now I would love a hug... and if I could stop crying I used to love sex... been over a month so I don't remember, but I swear I do lol

I'm way sad and crying this morning... have 10 minutes to pull it together...
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:59 AM   #38 (permalink)
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attmay,
I am thinking about the why would she give you a list. You say she didn't think you would do it. I have to say I am so in that boat with my husband. I don't think he can follow this all the way through. I still want him to despite my pain. I just fear (maybe this is where your wife is) that with a list he could do the things just to get me back but there would be no real change. How often will I be submitting lists? I want my husband to change, I try to help him on the road to change but ...

I am terrified ... if he does change... will I be able to let go of the past? Will I be able to see the change or will I always be waiting for the other shoe to drop? Will I always have this tense feeling of not knowing when my world will crumble again? Is it better to deal with my not having him to love and love me back for the security of stability for myself and the kids?
I don't care. Don't feed the bear.
Shianne
Well all that I can say is that of myself. Is change possable you ask? YES Im proof of that! but true question I see here is if he does change could/would you be will to work with him? I am to the point in my change that IF my wife and I work this out SHE needs to work with me. Go to countcelling with me ect.... If she is not willing then all I can do at that point is only work on me and I know that she will get left behind and that is NOT at all what I want. It took this mess that I am in to see that I have hurt her and that was the BIGGEST wake-up call in my life. Is it to little to late? Maybe but thats not up to me, the balls is in her court. I waiting and hoping that she will see that I have changed and that I am trying... Its up to her
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Old 03-26-2011, 10:42 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Dear Ex-h,

Really ???

You are getting food from a place that's 5 minutes away and it takes you over 45 minutes (so far).....a fast food chain.....

I am NOT going to say it to you....no....I'm not going to ask you where the hell you got the food, because you're probably got a booty call somewhere or had to call a girl on your blackberry in private.....

But I'm not going to give you the satisfaction to say "See....nothing has changed." because I'm not going to make one comment !!!!!!

NO !!!!!

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Old 03-27-2011, 11:34 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Man Rome...
That is ouch...
I hope you start sorting this out for yourself soon...
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Old 03-27-2011, 11:39 AM   #41 (permalink)
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@Shianne~ I feel you on the "Why do I hold on" front. I am (was) like a pit bull who wouldn't let go! AND, it was a terrible marriage for pretty much 22 years! BUT, when he had an affair and all the other betrayal "stuff" he's done, why would one not just say, "GOOD RIDDANCE?" I am getting stronger each day. I think I have "traumatic bonding" too! LOVELY FOR US! LOL Let's work on "Traumatic Letting Go," ok?
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Old 03-27-2011, 11:47 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Today I woke well and I do not need to tell him that because he had nothing to do with it
Well I think the quiet day yesterday had something to do with it. Seems it took me about 3 days to recover from the loud
(swears he was not yelling or mad, just excited) *my a$$*
ongoing monologue that he gave me (it was not a conversation) about how his lack of money before payday was my fault. He wanted more accountability this time around and he has bills.
In reality he was just mad that I was right and 2+2=4. He was really counting on 2+2=3 so he would have spending money lol
I have earned my wet blanket insults well by being smart about money. I have earned my insults and digs about not being any fun, think too much and being a downer about money.
Guess what, when you have to get through the year on less that
20K and a 5 person household there is not much room for fun!!!!!!
So really he was just pissed that we had food and we were okay. He should be glad his kids are cared for but I swear that he was pissed and would have preferred I shorted them for his desires. Eff that, never again. Ever, the kids are first now.
Then the rant about me not letting him shower here. He can't understand why I wouldn't let him it is his house still. Hehehe noooo.... it's not. The courts have the papers and so do I and he signed giving me sole ownership of the lease here and this is MY apartment now. He lives down the road now where his bed and TV are, where his mail goes. If he wants a better place he can find one. (I had to secure that place for him to expedite getting him out)
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Old 03-27-2011, 11:57 AM   #43 (permalink)
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lol I am and I am pretty sure it is pretty traumatic for him. Or it will be when he sees it.
Funny thing (I am bolstering myself for tonight) last time we talked I told him I wanted to get to some deep stuff. He only sees his rage... so I told him there was more and we needed to talk. He said he wants to know, he wants to be and get and do better. So I start trying to tell him how whenever I have something I need to say he cuts me off... but he kept cutting me off *shakes head* I tried and tried but never got it out. Only heard about how great he is doing and how I need to stop living in the past because he is better and I just ned to let go and see

big fat WHATEVER...

is it Monday yet


**in my paranoia I deleted posts so for clarification purposes I will add that in the legal seperation paperwork he gave me 100% placement of the kids with a sunday night visit over dinner at my place with me there. I hung myself as bait for the sake of the kids and it sucks but far less than having them go with him anywhere ever. They are my babies and I would let rabid dogs chew my legs to protect them. I just wish this didn't feel so much like that lol
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Old 03-27-2011, 12:31 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Alright, I'm officially in the LC/NC category. I gave him the 3 page letter yesterday where I asked that we take a step back until he figures out what he wants to do because I can't trust myself to not pressure him into working this out. He responded by deleting me, my friends, and my family off facebook. Nice. He is still acting mad at me for calling his ex gf and letting it ring twice the other night. Of course, his reason was that he was embarrassed that she called him and asked who was calling, but I think he was on the phone with her and she read him the number. But it's not like he'd hand me his phone to prove the point now would he? I'm torn on whether or not to change the locks, take the key to his motorcyle, and/or separate our finances. Ugh.
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Old 03-27-2011, 01:02 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Dear C*ntchops,

Thank you for turning up 45 minutes late for picking up our children..

I appreciate that you made an effort to buy birthday and mothers day gifts for them to give me next week... nothing from you so that's nice..

Thank you for having a huge f*cking love bite on your neck and not trying to hide it, so much for not being with anyone else.. I f*cking hate that you have broken my heart yet again and made me feel not good enough. Well guess what, I am the best you'll ever f*cking get mate, You may think you're over me, but you'll never be able to replace me and one day you'll realise what a mistake you've made. And how you've lost out on the 4 most precious things in the world.

I hate that I love you, you don't deserve my love, you're not worthy of it. Well now you'll truely learn what it's like to be divorced.. the kids will answer the phone when you call but that is the only contact you'll be having with me.. I need to do this for me, I can't move on if you are in my life....

Oh and right now at this very second, I wish you the worst pain and suffering known to man, I also hope you get knob rot and die.

Love and Kisses
Your amazingly wonderful DOORMAT of a Wife....
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