Now his friend just messaged me and said he just talked to him and he doesn't think anything is going on between them. Ugh. Is he just changing his mind because he's afraid I'll throw him under the bus? I don't know what to believe now. So confusing.
Yeah sometimes we keep our blinders on just because we "love" someone. But a wise person once told me "Don't let someone walk all over you just because you have 'feelings' for them."
Truer words have never been spoken.
You want him to be something that he is not right now. That is a tough pill to swallow but the sooner you accept the reality of what's happening, the better position you will be in.
For me I stopped wondering if it was true or not, since he kept saying there was no involvement. One day I just decided "Yes he is cheating and won't come out and tell me and that is sad." I just accepted that as the truth and it makes it easier than having all these little things not add up. I also believe that in time, the truth always always reveals itself.
He replied after I asked him why he changed his mind and said he just got a different reading on everything after talking to him. I just let him know that I feel the same way. I'm convinced he's cheating, then when I talk to him I believe everything he says. Grrr. I guess I'll just go with the "in time things will reveal themselves". Right now, I'm going to proceed the same way I would either way. I'm going no contact and worrying about myself. Trying not to make things ugly.
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
AmI, you're making me sad! Hang in there. Remember, you don't want him! He's treated you like crap, dragged you through the mud, abandoned you and your kids, emotionally manipulated you. Remember? Now get mad again. You can do this. Men want you. You're a great mom. We love you. Who cares what some jerk thinks of you? He missed his chance. Would you really be okay if he came running back to you? I think it would be easier to get over it all and move forward without him than it would be to move forward with him. I know it's what you want, but not what you need. Your heart is hurting. It's understandable. Mine is too.
But I've decided that my H isn't the man I love. He is some other version of him. His internal struggle is his and his alone. Whatever the reason be. And I'm going to take care of myself for now. He can self destruct on his own. Not my problem.
I just wanted to add that I'm on my 4th day of NO CONTACT. Unless you count the texts he sent asking to have the kids call and asking when he could come get them, to which I replied very businesslike. I even told him to just honk when he got to the house. So we haven't even seen each other. I think I'm doing good. If I make it a week, I'm going to celebrate. We'll see, though, since he will want to see the kids and all, and I'm not sure that our original agreement is still on the table after this past weekend.
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Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Well, I think if that was thrown on my plate, I'd be a little less able to be strong. Even right now I just want someone to hold me while I cry. I dreamed of him holding me and telling me it would be okay. But then I woke up. And realized he is only thinking of himself. Sure you love me, that's why you left, right?!
Same, I had a big break down today, sobbed my eyes out, knowing that I'll never ever get back what I had, that I'll never kiss that man again and just feel safe. I wonder if he ever looks at me like me like that?
I guess not.. or if he does, he shakes it straight back off again.
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Mourning the innocence lost by this is one of the worst things I have gone through. Before this, we always laughed about how strong our relationship was and how well we communicated. I looked back at birthday and anniversary cards and how heartfelt the messages were, even recently.
No matter what happens, I will NEVER feel that secure, that unconditionally loved, ever again. And I cannot help but grieve about how wonderful the feeling was even knowing now how flawed it became.
I do not doubt that my wife has spent her time crying over the same thoughts.
We all can mourn, and we should. Just remember that mourning is a natural way of saying goodbye. Say your goodbyes. When you are done, wipe your tears away and say hello to your new life and embrace your ability to choose whomever you wish to share it with.
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
Re: The LC/NC Thread.. 
Feeling a tad low, but I think I am a bit hormonal too 
