But when they lay blame on us, and feel justified, does that last forever? Do they ever realize they've wronged us?
How can they promise to love and cherish us forever and then throw us to the curb? We are wanting it to work and they just don't care. Ultimate selfishness.
But when they lay blame on us, and feel justified, does that last forever? Do they ever realize they've wronged us?
How can they promise to love and cherish us forever and then throw us to the curb? We are wanting it to work and they just don't care. Ultimate selfishness.
Does seem selfish, doesn't it, do they feel justified forever ? does it really matter ?
What Crank said. They feel bad. They may not. But tehre is no point in waiting around wondering if they will.
Most waywards fall under two camps:
1.. Either they have been emotionally removed from their spouse lightyears ago so they are waaaay ahead in healing time than the left behind spouse
or
2. They are deeply involved in an affair. When this is the case, they do not at all feel the consequences of their actions because they are high on the "lovey high school" feelings from the affair. It's only til the "new" wears off and they come down from the high that that realize the gravity of what they've done.
And by then you have long moved on.
As for them diverting the blame to the left behind spouse--all waywards HAVE to do this. It's the only reason they can justify their horrible actions. It's the only way that keeps them from grasping what they have done,. They have you made the scapegoat of all of their problems. That is where the "scorched earth" thing comes in. They have to demonize you in order to paint themselves as patron saints.
As for folks walking out on committments such as marriage -- Idk. I think it takes someone who was never really committed in the first place to do that. Like the committment and attachment meant a lot less to them than it did for the left behind spouse.
Regardless it hurts. I know my H loved me with all his heart at least a year ago. He was committed to us and would do anything for me. But I think this ex gf from high school got her claws into him before I fully suspected. She just makes him feel good about himself so he's minimized our marriage.
He doesn't blame me in the direct sense, since he won't even admit to the EA. But he says I drove him away with all my suspicions. One of these days I'll make a list of the red flags and see how many people believe that his friendship is "innocent". Pffft.
As for folks walking out on committments such as marriage -- Idk. I think it takes someone who was never really committed in the first place to do that. Like the committment and attachment meant a lot less to them than it did for the left behind spouse.
This is all just my opinion.
have to agree to this If only I had know 20 years ago, oh well, live and learn I guess!
Heart is breaking today, I don't want him to move away, I want him to come home. I want to talk to him, I am sobbing my heart out. It's my birthday tomorrow he should be here.
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
It does hurt. I found a letter from my husband, he had written it 6 weeks before he left. 6 BLOODY WEEKS!! Nice heartfelt, love letter about how wonderful I was, and how he loved me so much.
Then in the blink of an eye, he does that. WTH??!! I think that is what is so painful, the fact that it all changed so fast, and you wonder how much of it is/was lies.
It does hurt. I found a letter from my husband, he had written it 6 weeks before he left. 6 BLOODY WEEKS!! Nice heartfelt, love letter about how wonderful I was, and how he loved me so much.
Then in the blink of an eye, he does that. WTH??!! I think that is what is so painful, the fact that it all changed so fast, and you wonder how much of it is/was lies.
That's how I feel. This all happened in a blink of an eye. And he's freaked out about me trying to get to the bottom of it?
Well he stayed away until 1am. Then he called and I answered. I hung up on him once and he called right back and I let him have his say. I told him that talking to me about his gripes at this point before he even sees how to work on his problems is going to give me more I have to get over and more resent to recover from but he talked anyway. He ran himself totally out of money and has a week before payday. Now he wants a short term loan until his payday of $100. He wants me to short my rent to give it him and he will pay me back on the 7th when he also gives me money for child support. He says that I am trying to punish him by not giving it to him. Thing is I can't decide. I could give it to him. My landlord couldn't care less. I have access to his paycheck and could easily take it back and my child support money. He says that next round he will be smarter. I have sheltered him from his own undoing for better than a decade so I am sure he is shocked but I have to admit I dont think he is going to do any better.
So to not give it would be on principle. To teach him, but if he can't get to work I lose big time. But he knows that... so I fear an ongoing problem. Do I allow for a learning curve? I am not good at being a ***** at all. He is so clueless, he can't be this stupid... so it must be a game... or is it?...
I kept it shorter than I have been and told him I would not answer until Friday. I said no contact today.
It does hurt. I found a letter from my husband, he had written it 6 weeks before he left. 6 BLOODY WEEKS!! Nice heartfelt, love letter about how wonderful I was, and how he loved me so much.
Then in the blink of an eye, he does that. WTH??!! I think that is what is so painful, the fact that it all changed so fast, and you wonder how much of it is/was lies.
Ugh. It's really sick the way waywards think.
I just moved about two weeks ago and in cleaning out some of my nightstands I found a card he gave me for our wedding anniversary, my most favorite one he ever gave me. It's the one I used to keep on my nightstand every day. It said
To my Wife--I plan on loving you the only way I know how...forever.
Well forever ended yesterday when I signed his divorce papers.
Re: The LC/NC Thread.. 
If only I had know 20 years ago, oh well, live and learn I guess!
