The LC/NC Thread.. - Page 8
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-30-2011, 02:37 PM   #106 (permalink)
Member
 
Crankshaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,046
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babyheart View Post
Make it 20.
30

(starting to sound like an auction!)
__________________
Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
Crankshaw is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 03-30-2011, 02:44 PM   #107 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,394
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

40 over here!
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-30-2011, 02:49 PM   #108 (permalink)
Member
 
Crankshaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,046
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
40 over here!
And the current winner is.....
__________________
Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
Crankshaw is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-30-2011, 03:06 PM   #109 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,394
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Sold!!!
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-30-2011, 03:43 PM   #110 (permalink)
Member
 
Crankshaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,046
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
Sold!!!
__________________
Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
Crankshaw is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-30-2011, 04:17 PM   #111 (permalink)
Member
 
LonelyNLost's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,352
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

But when they lay blame on us, and feel justified, does that last forever? Do they ever realize they've wronged us?

How can they promise to love and cherish us forever and then throw us to the curb? We are wanting it to work and they just don't care. Ultimate selfishness.
__________________
~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
LonelyNLost is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-30-2011, 04:22 PM   #112 (permalink)
Member
 
Crankshaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,046
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonelyNLost View Post
But when they lay blame on us, and feel justified, does that last forever? Do they ever realize they've wronged us?

How can they promise to love and cherish us forever and then throw us to the curb? We are wanting it to work and they just don't care. Ultimate selfishness.
Does seem selfish, doesn't it, do they feel justified forever ? does it really matter ?
__________________
Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
Crankshaw is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-30-2011, 07:32 PM   #113 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,394
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

What Crank said. They feel bad. They may not. But tehre is no point in waiting around wondering if they will.

Most waywards fall under two camps:
1.. Either they have been emotionally removed from their spouse lightyears ago so they are waaaay ahead in healing time than the left behind spouse

or

2. They are deeply involved in an affair. When this is the case, they do not at all feel the consequences of their actions because they are high on the "lovey high school" feelings from the affair. It's only til the "new" wears off and they come down from the high that that realize the gravity of what they've done.

And by then you have long moved on.

As for them diverting the blame to the left behind spouse--all waywards HAVE to do this. It's the only reason they can justify their horrible actions. It's the only way that keeps them from grasping what they have done,. They have you made the scapegoat of all of their problems. That is where the "scorched earth" thing comes in. They have to demonize you in order to paint themselves as patron saints.

As for folks walking out on committments such as marriage -- Idk. I think it takes someone who was never really committed in the first place to do that. Like the committment and attachment meant a lot less to them than it did for the left behind spouse.

This is all just my opinion.
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-30-2011, 09:16 PM   #114 (permalink)
Member
 
LonelyNLost's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,352
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Regardless it hurts. I know my H loved me with all his heart at least a year ago. He was committed to us and would do anything for me. But I think this ex gf from high school got her claws into him before I fully suspected. She just makes him feel good about himself so he's minimized our marriage.

He doesn't blame me in the direct sense, since he won't even admit to the EA. But he says I drove him away with all my suspicions. One of these days I'll make a list of the red flags and see how many people believe that his friendship is "innocent". Pffft.
__________________
~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
LonelyNLost is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-30-2011, 11:49 PM   #115 (permalink)
Member
 
Crankshaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,046
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
As for folks walking out on committments such as marriage -- Idk. I think it takes someone who was never really committed in the first place to do that. Like the committment and attachment meant a lot less to them than it did for the left behind spouse.

This is all just my opinion.
have to agree to this If only I had know 20 years ago, oh well, live and learn I guess!
__________________
Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.

I love standing in the pouring rain because you can cry to your hearts content, and no one will know.
Crankshaw is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-31-2011, 04:30 AM   #116 (permalink)
Member
 
AmImad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 724
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Heart is breaking today, I don't want him to move away, I want him to come home. I want to talk to him, I am sobbing my heart out. It's my birthday tomorrow he should be here.
__________________
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
AmImad is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-31-2011, 06:33 AM   #117 (permalink)
Member
 
Babyheart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NY
Posts: 297
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

It does hurt. I found a letter from my husband, he had written it 6 weeks before he left. 6 BLOODY WEEKS!! Nice heartfelt, love letter about how wonderful I was, and how he loved me so much.

Then in the blink of an eye, he does that. WTH??!! I think that is what is so painful, the fact that it all changed so fast, and you wonder how much of it is/was lies.
Babyheart is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-31-2011, 06:48 AM   #118 (permalink)
Member
 
LonelyNLost's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,352
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babyheart View Post
It does hurt. I found a letter from my husband, he had written it 6 weeks before he left. 6 BLOODY WEEKS!! Nice heartfelt, love letter about how wonderful I was, and how he loved me so much.

Then in the blink of an eye, he does that. WTH??!! I think that is what is so painful, the fact that it all changed so fast, and you wonder how much of it is/was lies.
That's how I feel. This all happened in a blink of an eye. And he's freaked out about me trying to get to the bottom of it?
__________________
~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
LonelyNLost is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-31-2011, 10:34 AM   #119 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 157
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Well he stayed away until 1am. Then he called and I answered. I hung up on him once and he called right back and I let him have his say. I told him that talking to me about his gripes at this point before he even sees how to work on his problems is going to give me more I have to get over and more resent to recover from but he talked anyway. He ran himself totally out of money and has a week before payday. Now he wants a short term loan until his payday of $100. He wants me to short my rent to give it him and he will pay me back on the 7th when he also gives me money for child support. He says that I am trying to punish him by not giving it to him. Thing is I can't decide. I could give it to him. My landlord couldn't care less. I have access to his paycheck and could easily take it back and my child support money. He says that next round he will be smarter. I have sheltered him from his own undoing for better than a decade so I am sure he is shocked but I have to admit I dont think he is going to do any better.
So to not give it would be on principle. To teach him, but if he can't get to work I lose big time. But he knows that... so I fear an ongoing problem. Do I allow for a learning curve? I am not good at being a ***** at all. He is so clueless, he can't be this stupid... so it must be a game... or is it?...
I kept it shorter than I have been and told him I would not answer until Friday. I said no contact today.
Shianne is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 03-31-2011, 10:47 AM   #120 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,394
Default Re: The LC/NC Thread..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babyheart View Post
It does hurt. I found a letter from my husband, he had written it 6 weeks before he left. 6 BLOODY WEEKS!! Nice heartfelt, love letter about how wonderful I was, and how he loved me so much.

Then in the blink of an eye, he does that. WTH??!! I think that is what is so painful, the fact that it all changed so fast, and you wonder how much of it is/was lies.
Ugh. It's really sick the way waywards think.

I just moved about two weeks ago and in cleaning out some of my nightstands I found a card he gave me for our wedding anniversary, my most favorite one he ever gave me. It's the one I used to keep on my nightstand every day. It said

To my Wife--I plan on loving you the only way I know how...forever.

Well forever ended yesterday when I signed his divorce papers.
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
another thread about BJ's gemjo The Men's Clubhouse 27 11-02-2012 12:33 PM
My other thread... walkingwounded The Men's Clubhouse 4 07-25-2011 10:57 AM
Help Me A/K/A EA help thread scdmack Coping with Infidelity 15 05-11-2011 10:42 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:34 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.