Sad to say but all the "greatness" of my story isn't so great. He did make me feel like we were going the long haul, but his actions have said much to differ.
We had a great few days there. He came bck home, moved his stuff back, but I saw the emotional distance again right away. He did try (whatever that means.)
Tonight, I confronted him about feeling like we needed to talk and he put his head in a "seargents exam book" rather than talking.
He said he thought I'd had enough wine and we should talk in the morning. I didn't like the way he wen't about it so I confronted him and required him to talk. He didn't like that and became defensive.
I told him I'm ready to move on and and he was just holding me back on that decision. He said, "It sounds like you have everythig you need to say" and picked up his literature and was ready retreat once again to his brother's across the street. I asked him if he felt that that was the best decision he could make and he said "yes."
I asked if he felt talking to the marriage counselor that we had scheduled (for the first time) would make a difference and he said "NO" it seems u made up your mind and after a few more choice words on my end, he again left to his brother's across the street.
Sad to say but I think I let him back too soon. And yet I feel like it was what was meant to be. I think I truly saw a man who really wasn't willing to try and maybe that's what I needed to see before it got too complicated.
I'm sad, but I know that GOD has my intentions in mind and made this happen for a reason. I can't wan't something that is not meant to be.
I don't know how I will wake up tomorrow or what feelings I will have, but I think deep inside I knew this was over a long time ago.
I failed miserably at keeping to the 180 rule. When he left after my comments Friday night, I wrote the following email and sent it... After I slept on it and woke up refreshed yesterday morning, I hated the fact that I sent it. I reached out to his mom and we spoke for like an hour. She said she is going to encourage him to go see the MC at least once.
He stopped in to get some things yesterday and I broke down. I put all my cards on the table. He said he couldn't understand me because I was saying something completely different than what I wrote in the email and what I said the night before. I told him that I wasn't in my right state of mind when I sent the email and talked last night. He seemed distant and didn't sound like he wants to try anymore. He said marriage shouldn't have to be hard work. He said he thinks our marriage is like a cracked egg that can't be fixed. I asked him to try one session with the MC and he said he would get back to me and let me know.
How bad did I mess up? Read the email and tell me what you think. Thanks for all the feedback.
If you think even 1 inch of me is ok with the way this has ended.... your wrong! With everything in me I cannot understand how two people who were in a committed relationship for four years, married almost five years can be where we are and I'm not ok with it on so many levels.
Was it communication(?), your job (?), my job(?), hours(?), money(?)), WHAT?WHAT?WHAT?... With that being said... I take 1/2 responsibility for that, and our lack of effort throughout and it takes two to tango ;o)!
Do I wish it ended different, YES!
BUT, I'm ok with how this has to go down. I know I'm going to find love again and so are u. I'm ready and prepared to move on! You hurt me very much with "the letter" and maybe this was my "second ending" as you said last night maybe that was also your need to end it differently too... (if I heard u correctly.)
As a women, who would ever want to tell a man, "yeah, um, my ex-husband left me with a letter." ... Clearly, I know I'm worth more than that regardless of how u did it, but it still sucks/hurt...
In any event, I realize we have to part.
I still love you very much ----. The love I have for you is deeper than who you are now, and is someone I may never see again. I've come to realize that the person who left this relationship is someone who left long before you left that horrible letter and for that I've come to not cry as I tpye this. I'm looking forward!
What I can say is that I hope you realize that with the "Good", "Bad" and "Ugly" that we had in our marriage/relationship that you realize that that is a part life.
I was willing to deal with it ALL/EVERYTHING for you. Dealing with the "Good", "Bad." "Ugly" was my role, my job as a wife. Long nights and making excuses for u when you when u weren't at parties/gatherings... that was me making "us" look good for whatever that worth.
There's going to be a lot still out there that you have to deal with and compromise with and I hope you find a way to deal with it better than you delt with "us."
A relationship is hard work! I've seen so many different examples of "the right" and "wrong way" deal with relationships. For the sake of love, you never know, so tread carefully and always think of the other person before hurting them.
You will always hold a special place in my heart as my ex-husband, and I will never speak bad of you. I wish you no ill will and wish you the best. You come from good family/morals and that's what I fell in love with and always know that, please don't let any situation or experience ever change that. I know your strong willed and you won't do that, at least I hope. Good luck with your studies.
The email sounded good to me, strong yet intimate. Now that I have ready your post...I got left with a letter too ;o) and a mountain of other responsibility that wasn't mine. We will make it through this scenario and life will take us foward. I am praying for the best for you and you pray for me ;o)
Thank you hesnothappy. I will pray for you. It's so nice to know there are wonderful on these boards who will take the time out to offer advice. That means a great deal to me. How did your H leave you?
Oh he was nice. He watched me get dressed for work, then hugged me goodbye tight like he had not done in months, the the low life POS left while I was at work. Yep my Mr. Wonderful left with three months owing on a lease and no money to pay for his share. If he doesn't give me my money in July...I will be suing him big time for breach of contract ;o) I have a post with more details, Bliss don't last always.
I do agree Rome that I pressed a situation that shouldn't have been pressed at that time in that moment. However, I think that deep inside, I was feeling if I didn't get the emotional connection in our first few encounters/days, that in my eyes, he wasn't trying.
In any event, my confusion did set in the following morning after I pressed him and he wasn't there.When he returned to pick up some stuff, I asked him to reconsider what I said and wrote in the email and please understand that I was just under a lot of pressure. I apologized.
In my eyes if he can't see that I have/had every right to have a weak moment after everything he has put me through and is willing to still "walk" that easily, then in reality "Was he really willing to try and work it out?" or did I give him a "free pass?"
That's what I've questioned on these days that have followed. I had a rough weekend (super depressed again ,) but today I was much better. Doing what I needed to do, went to school, work, ect... (Got confirmation of all A's for this first year in Grad school .)
I'm wondering and waiting to see if he's going to take me up on the offer to go forward with the first MC appt we have scheduled for this Thursday. We had this scheduled before this argument. I wish I would have waited to "blow up." He said he would let me know if he want's to go.
Haven't heard from him since he picked up items on Sat. This should be interesting. I'll keep you posted, but any continued feedback is welcome.
It's still tough especially those lonely nights. But what I am finding great joy in, is spreading my body like an eagle all night over the bed and loving it. I'm like "this is all mine now.... ha, ha, ha."
H texted today for the first time since he left again last Friday.He asked what time the appt for MC is tomorrow. I texted back the time. He hasn't responded since.
He doesn't have the location info so he would need to contact me again if he is planning to go. I'm a little upset that the text came after midnight tonight. It was almost like I have had to think all week about ... Is he going to agree to go to MC, is he not???
I don't know how to take this. Why is he going if he wants out? Should I talk in therapy or let the counselor do all the talking? This may be my last opportunity to tell him my thoughts. How do I go about it without looking weak? What should I expect from the counselor, from H on this first session?
Please help guys, I'm really at a loss and have felt emotionally drained all week.
Tks in advance.