Another reason I might feel okay at the moment is that I've reconnected with an old friend online who looks like Alexander Skarsgard and who I used to have a teen crush on 10 years ago, so that might not be healthy! Who knows. *sigh*
Come on Alexander is hot. I am a straight man and even I can openly admit he's a good looing guy. Just enough roughness mixed with suave. He's the dude that wears pink and makes every other guy want to go buy pink shirts.
Hahahaha! Thats brave Niceguy. Good to know that men think he's hot too.
Just thinking of Alexander Skarsgard completely cures my condition
Its not brave it's being confident in my sexuality. I know what I like therefor I don't have to worry about commenting that something I don't like still looks nice. Plus what I like tends to like stuff like alexander so its a nice refrence point :P
And I agree with JB take sometime foryourself before moving on to any friendships where you feel there can be somethingmore.
I mean it's brave to buy a pink shirt no seriously, most Aussie guys are afraid of admitting that another guy is hot, unless it's someone universally acceptable, like Johnny Depp.
You guys are right, I must be careful about getting too attached to someone else even if they're on the other side of the world and nothing can happen (yet). It's just been so nice talking to him! He probably charms all the ladies though.
Husb came home drunk last night wanting to talk, expressing how he couldn't bare it if I hated him because I was the only person he had loved. Then he went on a depressive, existential, anti-god rant for ages. How nothing matters. Then he started saying how much he hates my (religious) friends and theyre facebook activity! Really judgemental! I didn't get offended by any of it though. Don't want to be emotionally involved in his ups and downs. I'm feeling good at the moment but lets see where this rollercoaster goes next.
Well there is some of that feedback you were looking for. Yes he said it in a hostile way but he prettymuch told youhe hates how much time you spend on facebook with your religious friends. I understand him on that one. It's not the facebook or the religious friends its that he was wanting that type of attention as well. Start apoke war with on facebook, respond to his posts if he says anything, like the stuff that seems insightful or that he is sharing. Make him feel like he matters.
Don't know, I think he just hates religion and religious people and most people in general.. For year he's been sitting right next to me at his computer talking to his gamer friends instead of me. I've only just recently got friends (since travelling) who I keep in touch with on FB. So don't know how he could begrudge me that, since I would just be sitting by myself otherwise? I send him links to stuff he might like on FB sometimes. But he doesn't use it much beyond that. It's always been his character to criticize and complain, it's just worse now. As for the reason behind that, yeah it'd have to come from something that he's unhappy with. Might seem like I'm stalking him if I post stuff on his wall too often!
OMG..I feel like I'm reading my current situation almost to the letter. I've been with my husband for 8 years (married for 5) and he told me a month ago that he loves me, but not like he should love a wife. Right now, we're seperated, but he's not sure where it's headed. I still love him and want him back, but he says he's not willing to work on the relationship. We're both at fault for our marriage problems, but neither of us have cheated. Until a few days ago, I've done everything wrong. I was calling him every day just to hear his voice. I am really having problems being away from him and don't know how to handle it. I'm so afraid he won't miss me while I'm gone. I've stopped calling him and I'm hoping that will help, but I honestly don't know. I'm having problems dealing with it all. I haven't told my family yet. I'm trying to avoid it until I see what's going to happen. I wish you the best and fell your pain. If anyone has advise, I'd sure appreciate it.
Sad and Lonely, I'm sorry to hear that. Seems like the same story happens over and over around the world. I felt the same, being afraid of leaving in case he won't miss me. When it first happens, it feels like you're deeply in love all over again, except this time it's unrequited.
All you can do is be the best person you can, look inside yourself to see how you can learn and improve and hope he is doing the same. The moment I let go and realised I can't change his mind, I felt better. I havent actually moved out yet (because I'll have to go to my mums!) but I've somehow detached so I don't care how often he goes out or that he wants to be free, but I still love him and want the best for him. Don't know how my mind will swing in the future though! Like Jellybeans keeps saying, you have to let them go. Let him know that you love him and that you are willing to work on it though. I hope it works out for you.
Update: This is still going nowhere. A strange thing regarding facebook.. We both went out with our separate friends on the same afternoon. He got home before me. When I got home I discovered his facbook update was 'All of you. Get out of my life. Now. We weren't meant for each other.' I asked him if he was okay and he insisted it was just a thoughtless drunken update and deleted it later. I interpret it as him wanting me out of the house and out of his life. We've been getting along fine though, even laughing and joking sometimes. Since I don't feel I'm on the verge of tears around him anymore it's quite easy to be here still.
I'm afraid I have been talking to my long lost hot Swedish friend for hours online almost every night. Not about my marriage, but about everything else. I talk to lots of people but I feel I really connect with him! And he really loves talking to me and wishes we could meet again! This didn't happen until AFTER I decided to let go of my husband though and since he doesn't love me or want me around I don't feel bad about it. But yeah, still extremely vulnerable so should be careful about throwing around my feelings.
Stop it with the Swedish meatball (lol). Seriously. You are in a VERY vulnerable place right now adnd if someone even gives you a minor compliment, they are going to seem like the best thing since sliced bread to you.
You need to focus on the present. And chatting up other men while your marriage is deteriorating isn't the answer.
As for your Hub--it sounds like he got reprimanded by his friends. Like they told him, "Hey Doofus--throwing your marriage away is a bad idea" and he lashed out at them.
I had a weeks break from my husband at my mums house. It was really nice and I didn't even miss him. I woke up mildy sad once, remembering how sweet we used to be together sometimes. But there's no use wallowing in those thoughts because I've decided to detach and let him go. Too painful otherwise. I don;t want to go back to that pain. I think I've accepted that it's okay to let it go. I'm even excited about the future.
My story doesn't have drama in it anymore does it? hehe. Well I'm hoping this feeling of having let go is genuine.
Update on my Swedish friend. I went a week without talking to him. Which is good because I was getting addicted and it was going too fast. But I spoke to him for 4 hours the other day and it's amazing. I've never had that kind of rapport with my husband (or anyone!) because we met based on physical attraction only and stayed together out of attachment and affection. He sent me an email (which surprised me, he mustve got it of my fb info) with a song that I might like attached. Which I thought was so sweet! After a couple of casual emails I ended up telling him my whole story but then felt embarrassed for being too open. But he was so sweet when I saw him online again! He understands that my heart was broken and needs time to heal.
Don't worry, neither of us are declaring our feelings for each other or anything like that, just that we really love talking to each other and he wishes I was closer so he could invite me over for tea! And he says I'm good at making him feel special He is actually a really good match which is why I'm so obsessed over him. He looks very similar to me, (polar opposite to my dark moody husb) he is sweet, humble and considerate, and we are of the same religion and have the same guru. I really cant think of anyone in the world more suited. Except I have been married for 6 years and he has been a monk for 7! I keep entertaining fantasies that maybe fate will bring us together. I still remember the first time I saw him when my mum got a lift home with him, I was 17 and he was a gorgeous 20 yr old swedish backpacker. Then a couple of years later when I saw him again I dreamed about him constantly. But he became a celibate monk so I kept away and never thought of him again. But now we are both at a mature point in our lifes journey where timing is perfect.
Even if I dont end up with him, I'm still so excited about the future, I dont think I could go back to being with my husband because he doesn't want to grow (and doesnt love me!). I always felt repressed being with him. He has never actually shown interest in me (besides physically) by asking about me, my life or what I'm thinking, he's alwasy just been there. Now that I've become more open I think it's time I have a more open partner, and that I will attract what is right for me.